- Feb 1, 2008
- 11,493
- 3,159
- 136
(Queue the Leave It To Beaver Music) more in tune than father knows best music
Camera fade in...
We find June Trumpie busy in the kitchen.
Ward Trumpie asks June: What are you doing honey?
June: Oh Ward you silly goose, you know I’m getting ready for the big family get together Easter Sunday.
Everyone is coming over.
Aunt Betsy and uncle Lou, cousin Maude and cousin Fred with their 8 kids, the Carson’s, the Frinks, Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice. I’m expecting around 60 guests, Ward honey, dear.
Ward: But.. but... but... JUNE, dear, sweetly cakes, what about the virus? What about social distancing?
What about catching the virus? What about spreading the virus? What about our kids Beaver Trumpie and Wally Trumpie? You could be putting our kids at risk. Not to mention, honey lover sweetie buns, putting ME at risk. Remember June, my slippy slide gal, that I have a compromised immune system, lover dear. Besides, most of those relatives are old, really old. High risk, dearest.
June: Oh silly Ward, my little back-door Pokémon, don’t you know that the virus is all hyped up? Hardly anyone has it and the only people dying from it are in New York. And in New York only because they live on top of each other. You can’t go by what happens in New York, dear, sweetie, lover lips. You can’t believe anything coming out of New York. Oh Ward, we don’t catch viruses out here in Iowa. Do you know anyone that has the virus here in Iowa? You’re still going to work every day, right lover pot? So what are you afraid of, Ward honey?
June: WARD, we ARE hosting Easter Sunday. Period! Everyone is coming over. All 60 of our loving family. So don’t be a turd, Ward dear. There is no virus danger, no one will be in danger, it’s all Nancy Pelosi and those dilly darn Democrats. Ward dear, you’re not watching your Fox News enough, sweetie. You’re watching the fake news and if you don’t stop doing that I’ll have to spank your hairy behind, dear. Really hard with the paddle, honey. So no more of this virus nonsense, Ward. Focus on hiding the Easter eggs and try not to get too drunk, poopsie.
(Queue the music)
Fade out...
Sound like a good tv show?
Well, it’s really not just some made up fantasy tv show. This is what my Trumpie family are actually planning for Easter Sunday, seriously. A huge family get together. And when I brought up concerns with having such a large gathering especially with this pandemic the response was pretty much exactly like June Trumpies response. The virus is exaggerated, nothing to worry about, and it’s just some New York thing.
THiS is what I live with, a family full of Trumpies that I swear will be the death of us all. And I don’t want to die necessarily, but I do fear for my father who is 90 and who will go anywhere at the drop of a hat if it gets him out of his house. Yes, he’ll gladly attend and so will the others. A nest of coronavirus just waiting to attack, ME.....
What to do...? What to do....?
Camera fade in...
We find June Trumpie busy in the kitchen.
Ward Trumpie asks June: What are you doing honey?
June: Oh Ward you silly goose, you know I’m getting ready for the big family get together Easter Sunday.
Everyone is coming over.
Aunt Betsy and uncle Lou, cousin Maude and cousin Fred with their 8 kids, the Carson’s, the Frinks, Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice. I’m expecting around 60 guests, Ward honey, dear.
Ward: But.. but... but... JUNE, dear, sweetly cakes, what about the virus? What about social distancing?
What about catching the virus? What about spreading the virus? What about our kids Beaver Trumpie and Wally Trumpie? You could be putting our kids at risk. Not to mention, honey lover sweetie buns, putting ME at risk. Remember June, my slippy slide gal, that I have a compromised immune system, lover dear. Besides, most of those relatives are old, really old. High risk, dearest.
June: Oh silly Ward, my little back-door Pokémon, don’t you know that the virus is all hyped up? Hardly anyone has it and the only people dying from it are in New York. And in New York only because they live on top of each other. You can’t go by what happens in New York, dear, sweetie, lover lips. You can’t believe anything coming out of New York. Oh Ward, we don’t catch viruses out here in Iowa. Do you know anyone that has the virus here in Iowa? You’re still going to work every day, right lover pot? So what are you afraid of, Ward honey?
June: WARD, we ARE hosting Easter Sunday. Period! Everyone is coming over. All 60 of our loving family. So don’t be a turd, Ward dear. There is no virus danger, no one will be in danger, it’s all Nancy Pelosi and those dilly darn Democrats. Ward dear, you’re not watching your Fox News enough, sweetie. You’re watching the fake news and if you don’t stop doing that I’ll have to spank your hairy behind, dear. Really hard with the paddle, honey. So no more of this virus nonsense, Ward. Focus on hiding the Easter eggs and try not to get too drunk, poopsie.
(Queue the music)
Fade out...
Sound like a good tv show?
Well, it’s really not just some made up fantasy tv show. This is what my Trumpie family are actually planning for Easter Sunday, seriously. A huge family get together. And when I brought up concerns with having such a large gathering especially with this pandemic the response was pretty much exactly like June Trumpies response. The virus is exaggerated, nothing to worry about, and it’s just some New York thing.
THiS is what I live with, a family full of Trumpies that I swear will be the death of us all. And I don’t want to die necessarily, but I do fear for my father who is 90 and who will go anywhere at the drop of a hat if it gets him out of his house. Yes, he’ll gladly attend and so will the others. A nest of coronavirus just waiting to attack, ME.....
What to do...? What to do....?
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