I'm trying to figure out whether my Asian (Chinese) family is typical. I had a cousin a couple of weeks ago tell me that my family was decidedly un-chinese.
Parents are immigrants. Dad's a chemical engineer, Mom's an Acupuncturist.
1. From birth onwards to high school, they stressed academics above all else. They always yelled at me for how sh!tty I was doing in school, how I never studied, etc. BUT they never actually knew how I did in classes! I graduated high school with a 4.5GPA and would have been male valedictorian if my school had such a category. And yet they would yell constantly about how I was doing so poorly, and each time I would just say "WTF?!!? I"m getting A's in ALL of my classes!"
2. I worked as a dishwasher when I was 16. Made $6.50 an hour doing the dishes and basically janitorial work. My mom would MAKE FUN OF ME for having this job. "Look at you, making only $6.50 an hour. I make $80 an hour! Why do you even bother?" *goes on and laughs in a buddy-buddy manner, expecting me to laugh with her* :|
3. Compared me to every fvcking young member of our family. "Your cousin Judy's going to MIT, going to be a lawyer, is very popular in school, etc. Why can't you be like her???" (My cousin Judy's parents were involved in her life, from being members of PTO, being friends with her friends' parents, being social, being "American," going to their child's sports competitions, extracurriculars, etc. My parents never did any of these things. I was in tennis, wrestling, and track. Never once did they come to any of these events. Not even to say hi.)
4. Parents looked down upon all of my friends. Always thought the Chinese way of doing everything was superior. Now they even think because of their religion that Chinese people are just overall superior HUMAN BEINGS...
5. When I was starting middle school I was the only Chinese kid in the entire school, and I got hit with a lot of racist remarks. I was called a beloved patriot, was made fun of for my short stature, my eyes, the way I dressed, etc, and all by the popular kids too. I remember crying and sobbing to my parents on more than one occassion, complaining about this treatment. They turned around and proceeded to tear me a new one. "Shut up! If you are really a man you'd go and make friends despite all this!" *starts laughing* "This is all stupid anyway! You don't need friends! Friends are worthless compared to your family! Don't concern yourself with such childish problems!"
6. Now that I'm in college they expect me to have a million friends, a girlfriend, and a prospective wife. They expect me to give them lots of grandchildren, and to move in with me and MY family when they retire, all the time thinking that this is what I owe them for their spectacular parenting. Truthfully, I don't love them. I have pity for them more than anything else.
7. Everyone in my extended family, who are all Chinese, talk about how screwed up my family is.
EDIT Addition:
8. Typical parents post their young children's drawings on the fridge or something because they're proud of their children and know their children will feel loved knowing their parents appreciate the drawings. Typical doodlings include drawings of Mom and Dad with "I love you" or attempts at serious drawings that the child spent much time on, and feel proud of. I did these things. Problem was my mom used to be a watercolor artist with a huge ego.
young iamtrout gives mom the "piece of art."
Mom: *laughs* What the heck is this? It's SO bad, haha. *throws in garbage*
9. On Suicide: I seriously thought about suicide because of aforementioned lack of friends in middle school, lack of understanding from my parents, and abundance of racist and social outcastings from peers. I confessed to these thoughts when I turned 16-ish.
"What? You wanted to kill yourself back then? *starts laughing* Why? It's so stupid! *keeps on laughing*"
Parents are immigrants. Dad's a chemical engineer, Mom's an Acupuncturist.
1. From birth onwards to high school, they stressed academics above all else. They always yelled at me for how sh!tty I was doing in school, how I never studied, etc. BUT they never actually knew how I did in classes! I graduated high school with a 4.5GPA and would have been male valedictorian if my school had such a category. And yet they would yell constantly about how I was doing so poorly, and each time I would just say "WTF?!!? I"m getting A's in ALL of my classes!"
2. I worked as a dishwasher when I was 16. Made $6.50 an hour doing the dishes and basically janitorial work. My mom would MAKE FUN OF ME for having this job. "Look at you, making only $6.50 an hour. I make $80 an hour! Why do you even bother?" *goes on and laughs in a buddy-buddy manner, expecting me to laugh with her* :|
3. Compared me to every fvcking young member of our family. "Your cousin Judy's going to MIT, going to be a lawyer, is very popular in school, etc. Why can't you be like her???" (My cousin Judy's parents were involved in her life, from being members of PTO, being friends with her friends' parents, being social, being "American," going to their child's sports competitions, extracurriculars, etc. My parents never did any of these things. I was in tennis, wrestling, and track. Never once did they come to any of these events. Not even to say hi.)
4. Parents looked down upon all of my friends. Always thought the Chinese way of doing everything was superior. Now they even think because of their religion that Chinese people are just overall superior HUMAN BEINGS...
5. When I was starting middle school I was the only Chinese kid in the entire school, and I got hit with a lot of racist remarks. I was called a beloved patriot, was made fun of for my short stature, my eyes, the way I dressed, etc, and all by the popular kids too. I remember crying and sobbing to my parents on more than one occassion, complaining about this treatment. They turned around and proceeded to tear me a new one. "Shut up! If you are really a man you'd go and make friends despite all this!" *starts laughing* "This is all stupid anyway! You don't need friends! Friends are worthless compared to your family! Don't concern yourself with such childish problems!"
6. Now that I'm in college they expect me to have a million friends, a girlfriend, and a prospective wife. They expect me to give them lots of grandchildren, and to move in with me and MY family when they retire, all the time thinking that this is what I owe them for their spectacular parenting. Truthfully, I don't love them. I have pity for them more than anything else.
7. Everyone in my extended family, who are all Chinese, talk about how screwed up my family is.
EDIT Addition:
8. Typical parents post their young children's drawings on the fridge or something because they're proud of their children and know their children will feel loved knowing their parents appreciate the drawings. Typical doodlings include drawings of Mom and Dad with "I love you" or attempts at serious drawings that the child spent much time on, and feel proud of. I did these things. Problem was my mom used to be a watercolor artist with a huge ego.
young iamtrout gives mom the "piece of art."
Mom: *laughs* What the heck is this? It's SO bad, haha. *throws in garbage*
9. On Suicide: I seriously thought about suicide because of aforementioned lack of friends in middle school, lack of understanding from my parents, and abundance of racist and social outcastings from peers. I confessed to these thoughts when I turned 16-ish.
"What? You wanted to kill yourself back then? *starts laughing* Why? It's so stupid! *keeps on laughing*"
