Is there someway to find out if someone is receiving WIC or foodstamps or other public assistance?

[MichaelD]

Now there's a question you don't see everyday here in ATOT.

For the past six months, my son's mother has been making home improvements left and right. Not cheap stuff either. New floors. New cabinets. Some new furniture. She's also been on two trips. One to visit her brother in an "expensive city" and the other to DisneyWorld for A WEEK.

My son told me all the things they did there. Cha-ching-cha-ching. And she's always bitching that she's always broke and is always hitting me up for money. :|

She doesn't work a second job. I know this for a fact. She has lousy credit; she filed the "minor bankruptcy" I think that's chapter 13 or something about 5 years ago, so her credit is shot.

Obviously, the money is coming from somewhere. I have a feeling that she has all this extra cash b/c she no longer has to pay cash for food, or there's more money coming in somehow. Nobody died. She didn't inherit anything.

Please don't say "just ask her." We don't talk. At all. Me asking her that would be met with a sting of epiphets thrown my way...I don't deal with that crap from her anymore.

Is there some way to find out if she's on the dole?

 

[Don Vito Corleone]

If you don't talk, why are you giving her extra money? I would just pay her court-ordered child support.

I don't believe there is any lawful way to find out whether she is receiving public support. You could petition the court that ordered you to pay child support for a recalculation based on her apparent new income, which would obligate her to provide her financial information to the court, but that would inure expense to you in the form of filing fees and attorney's fees.

 

[MichaelD]

Hi Don_Vito,

Yeah, that's kind of what I figured. Other than going back to court, there's no legal way to find out.



<< If you don't talk, why are you giving her extra money? >>



Ah, I said "she's always hitting me up for money." I never said I was giving it to her.

Even though she knows we are not married (God forbid) she acts as though we should be splitting everything monetary concerning the boy 50/50. I.E. if he wants to play soccer and uniform/registration fees total $200, I should give her $100. Things of that nature.

See, she will tell you (and me) that child support "doesnt' count" b/c it's COURT ORDERED and therefore Daddy is only paying "what he absolutely has to." She feels that I do nothing to help with the boy even though I 've not been late on a single support payment in 6 years, see him every other weekend (unless a prior engagement prevents me from doing so, in which case I give her at least a week's notice) and do my best to teach him some manners and proper upbringing.

I stopped giving her extra money a long time ago. The way she is, is as follows (dates are fictional, but you'll get the idea)

1 January - "I need $40 for a school trip for the boy" "OK, here you go. Daddy loves him."
1 February - "I need $23 dollars so he can go to the show w/his little friend" "OK, here you go."
1 March - "He needs shoes for school" "OK, I'll buy them"
1 Apr - "I need $50 so he can register for Karate" "Sorry, I don't have it this week" "You SOB, you motherf#$#@#, you are a POS as a father and do nothign for this child!"

Get the idea? Yes, she is psychotic. Yes, Imade a really bad mistake. Yes, I slept with Satan himself. Yes, I regret it every waking moment.

But I love my son and I"m the only chance he's got at having some kind of proper upbringing. Life sucks, then you die.

Anyway, sorry to rant. It's my favorite soapbox to stand on. Later.

 

[Don Vito Corleone]

Michael:

Bummer - it sounds like you are doing your best. It does not sound like a great situation for your son, but I hope if you continue to do right by him, he will do well as he grows up.

 

[MacBaine]

I am not sure, but I believe that you have every right to know if she is recieving it, It is public money, and I believe all information has to be divulged if you request it. I may be wrong though, food stamps and such might be a special case. You should contact the local welfare office and inquire.

 

[XZeroII]

If she is not a good mother, you might want to consider getting custody of the child. She doesn't sound like a nice person, and the only thing I know about you is that you are an ATOT person (which automatically means you are very smart and very sexy) so maybe you should see what is going on. Ask you son some questions, but don't put him in the middle of you and his mother. Just make some small talk and try to bring it up. If his mother finds out, just say that you are checking on your son's welfare (no pun intended). But I think that if you are not on welfare and other gov't assists, you should probably have custody anyway. Of course I went on a tangent on this whole post, assuming you would actually want custody of the child, but just from my personal upbringing you should do what is in the best interest of the child. A mother on gov't aides and is spending money in such a way is not doing her son much good at all. It may seem like she is being nice by buying him alot and stuff, but that is also teaching him some bad spending habits and her mouth doesn't sound too good either. Sorry for going off sideways like this, but it's just something to consider.

 

[Jzero]

<< Yes, I slept with Satan himself. >>

Wait a minute.....are you really Saddam Hussein? "Satan, your ass is big and red. Who would I pretend you were? Sally Struthers?"

 

[MichaelD]

Good ideas MacBaine. If I don't inquire before then, I will in September. I'm up for a review of my CS in September. She has to initiate it, and believe me, she will not forget to. By TX state law, the parent receiving the CS is allowed to request a review every three (3) years. She's tried every single year, pissing-off the AG's office. She can't wait until this September. My CS will be going up, as I'm now making about $250 a month more than I was back then. 20% of that is $50 which will hurt me. It's really sad. I finally get a small raise and a chunk of it will be going to that bitch.

 

[Nitemare]

She could have a side job that you don't know about...something on the illegal side or she could have a sugar daddy

 

[Hammer]

I think sugar daddy sounds like the most likely explanation. Where else could she get money if she's not working.

 

[shifrbv]

<< Yes, I slept with Satan himself. >>

MichaelD- Somehow when I read your posts talking about your ex, I think of the late Sam Kinneson and some of his comedy routines talking about ex's. Those were some pretty good ones

I don't really have any advice, but I feel for you and hope things work out.

 

[eakers]

<< I.E. if he wants to play soccer and uniform/registration fees total $200, I should give her $100. Things of that nature >>


*shrug*
i dont see anything wrong with splitting that cost in half. if you didnt pay half hten your son wouldnt have the opportunity to do positive things like play sports.

you dont have to pay it and she doesnt have to enroll him but its not about money, its about whats best for your son.



*kat. <-- thinks that if you dont like it you should get custody and get her to pay child support furthermore, its none of your damn business if shes on public assistance unless you take it to court. its not about who has what money its about whats best for your son... and i bet going to disneyworld while not necessary was an awesome experience for him.

 

[eakers]

<< chunk of it will be going to that bitch. >>


its not going to her, its going to your son!

its making a better home life for him! maybe he can have things that hte other kids have that he couldnt have before.

*kat. <-- sheesh!

 

[bunker]

<<

<< chunk of it will be going to that bitch. >>


its not going to her, its going to your son!

its making a better home life for him! maybe he can have things that hte other kids have that he couldnt have before.

*kat. <-- sheesh! >>


kat, you are assuming she is using the money for her son. From what MichaelD has stated I would tend to believe she is using it on herself.

 

[eakers]

<<

<<

<< chunk of it will be going to that bitch. >>


its not going to her, its going to your son!

its making a better home life for him! maybe he can have things that hte other kids have that he couldnt have before.

*kat. <-- sheesh! >>


kat, you are assuming she is using the money for her son. From what MichaelD has stated I would tend to believe she is using it on herself. >>





<< 1 January - "I need $40 for a school trip for the boy" "OK, here you go. Daddy loves him.
February - "I need $23 dollars so he can go to the show w/his little friend" "OK, here you go."
1 March - "He needs shoes for school" "OK, I'll buy them"
1 Apr - "I need $50 so he can register for Karate" "Sorry, I don't have it this week" "You SOB, you motherf#$#@#, you are a POS as a father and do nothign for this child!"
>>





<< New floors. New cabinets. Some new furniture. She's also been on two trips. One to visit her brother in an "expensive city" and the other to DisneyWorld for A WEEK >>



yeah shes really spending it on herself. all those things sound like family expenses.



<< she knows we are not married (God forbid) she acts as though we should be splitting everything monetary concerning the boy 50/50. >>


HES YOUR SON TOO, my god.

*kat. <--- sheesh!

 

[Miramonti]

have someone call her up and say they are from the welfare department, and have them say that the recent checks from a few months ago haven't been cashed and they want to make sure she got them.

 

[StageLeft]

eakers Based upon other posts by Michael on this topic I also get the impression she spends a lot of the money herself. Also if she out of the blue asks for money for something and he says he can't give it she can't get mad at him. A couple living together with a child will discuss all expenses - in this case she can't just say "he needs this go find the damn money".

 

[eakers]

really?
cuz from other posts ive read he isnt paying that much child support and if she is dishing out half the money to enroll her son in things things like soccer and karate and taking him to disneyland its not like he is suffering or missing any material items.

she is raising a child. not dating and spending money on them like micheal claims to be.

it makes me so mad because i hear about fathers getting ripped off all the time but from what ive read in this thread shes not asking for anything unreasonable... yet he bitches because he has a responsibility to a child

i dont understand why he wouldnt pay half for soccer because she got new flooring for her house or took her child to disneyland or went to visit her brother... why should her having nice things take away his responsiblity for his son?

*kat. <-- just a thought.

 

[Lucky]

if shes always broke and hitting him up for money, then there is NO reason she should have spent all that money on a total home redecoration spree. Unless the house flooded or was overrun by rats or something extraordinary.

 

[gopunk]

eakers -

you're entirely right, it is his child too, which is why he should have a say in how the money he gives is spent.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

I agree with you eakers. He has a responsibility to his son, and his ex, bitch or not, should not have to live like a pauper just because she has custody and is trying to provide a nice home for her son.

edit: if you disagree with what I have to say, say so, don't just try and pull my rating down.

 

[eakers]

<< if shes always broke and hitting him up for money, then there is NO reason she should have spent all that money on a total home redecoration spree. Unless the house flooded or was overrun by rats or something extraordinary. >>



my point is that the things shes asking him for money for he should give to her no matter what her financial status is because it's his child too. and just because the child doesnt live with him doesnt clear him of all fincial responsibility other than the little bit he gives her every month to pay for the necessities of raising a child.



<< you're entirely right, it is his child too, which is why he should have a say in how the money he gives is spent. >>



exactly.
but he doesnt have a say on what the money he doesnt give is spent on.

she might be a huge bitch i dont deny that but i think that if she comes to him with a reasonable offer such as "half of karate, half of a field trip etc" then i think its his responsibility as well as hers to see that the child is happy and doing positive things like sports and clubs.

*kat. <-- :|

 

[Thegonagle]

<< have someone call her up and say they are from the welfare department, and have them say that the recent checks from a few months ago haven't been cashed and they want to make sure she got them. >>

Nobody mails out checks anymore, but otherwise that's not too bad a trick. OTOH, I'm going to have to agree mostly with what Kat is saying.

My own advice: don't even sweat it, cuz you're only getting mad. This spawn of Satan is also the mother of your child, and she's got custody. That's how it is. Love your son, and don't put him in the middle of your disputes. I thank God every time I think of how well my own two parents handled their divorce. They never said a bad word about each other in my or my sister's presence, and child support was never even an issue that I knew about. My dad just handed me a check to give to my mom every weekend. It went pretty smoothly, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm so glad.

 

[MichaelD]

<< my point is that the things shes asking him for money for he should give to her no matter what her financial status is because it's his child too. and just because the child doesnt live with him doesnt clear him of all fincial responsibility other than the little bit he gives her every month to pay for the necessities of raising a child. >>



Eakers,

You bring up a lot of good points and I don't necessarily disagree with them. The fact of the matter is that she doesn't ask, she DEMANDS this money from me. If I don't have it, then I am "a bad father." She has no idea that I have to work a SECOND job just to make ends meet. I'm not asking for pity; I got myself into this position. I'm a big boy and can handle the beating.

Now, about your quote, above. "The little bit I give her every month" is a relative, subjective amount, don't you think? What may be a lot of money for me, might be a mere pittance for you. Or vice-versa. Also, what you might not know is that I am also legally responsible to provide 100% of his medical and dental insurance. Do you have any idea how much that costs a month? If you add up what I'm paying TOTAL a month, it's almost $500. That's $500 American dollars. Not a mere pittance, IMHO.

Now, you are right, Soccer/Karate/etc are nice, wholesome, healthy activities. I do what I can. However, she is the type that appreciates nothing. If you had a bag of candy bars, gave her all of them and kept one for yourself, she'd complain about how greedy you are. That's the type of person she is.

I realize to some folks who are either ignorant about my situation and the situation of single fathers in general, or very kid-centric, my actions and thoughts might seem harsh. Believe me, I've tried everything to be civil and fair.

There comes a time when "but it's for the kid" does not outweigh "I'm getting tired of getting kicked in the 'nads and not even being thanked for the privelage of kicking me in the 'nads." Hope that's clear.

Oh, and she violates the custody agreement, which is a legal and binding document at least once a month. To enforce it, I'd have to hire a lawyer, pay all court fees and take her back to court just for a judge to say "Now you stop doing that! OK?" She knows it too.

I was supposed to have him last weekend. I called her on Wednesday to find out where/when I was picking him up. No answer. I call her job. She took my son and went to California for a 10-day trip. Never told me. Never ASKED me. Just went. Crossed state lines with my child without my knowledge or my consent. That's called "absconding" here in the States and is a persecutable offense. She does this at least three times per year.

I'm no saint. I have my own issues, but I love my son.

 

[eakers]

<<

<< my point is that the things shes asking him for money for he should give to her no matter what her financial status is because it's his child too. and just because the child doesnt live with him doesnt clear him of all fincial responsibility other than the little bit he gives her every month to pay for the necessities of raising a child. >>



Eakers,

You bring up a lot of good points and I don't necessarily disagree with them. The fact of the matter is that she doesn't ask, she DEMANDS this money from me. If I don't have it, then I am "a bad father." She has no idea that I have to work a SECOND job just to make ends meet. I'm not asking for pity; I got myself into this position. I'm a big boy and can handle the beating.

Now, about your quote, above. "The little bit I give her every month" is a relative, subjective amount, don't you think? What may be a lot of money for me, might be a mere pittance for you. Or vice-versa. Also, what you might not know is that I am also legally responsible to provide 100% of his medical and dental insurance. Do you have any idea how much that costs a month? If you add up what I'm paying TOTAL a month, it's almost $500. That's $500 American dollars. Not a mere pittance, IMHO.

Now, you are right, Soccer/Karate/etc are nice, wholesome, healthy activities. I do what I can. However, she is the type that appreciates nothing. If you had a bag of candy bars, gave her all of them and kept one for yourself, she'd complain about how greedy you are. That's the type of person she is.

I realize to some folks who are either ignorant about my situation and the situation of single fathers in general, or very kid-centric, my actions and thoughts might seem harsh. Believe me, I've tried everything to be civil and fair.

There comes a time when "but it's for the kid" does not outweigh "I'm getting tired of getting kicked in the 'nads and not even being thanked for the privelage of kicking me in the 'nads." Hope that's clear.

Oh, and she violates the custody agreement, which is a legal and binding document at least once a month. To enforce it, I'd have to hire a lawyer, pay all court fees and take her back to court just for a judge to say "Now you stop doing that! OK?" She knows it too.

I was supposed to have him last weekend. I called her on Wednesday to find out where/when I was picking him up. No answer. I call her job. She took my son and went to California for a 10-day trip. Never told me. Never ASKED me. Just went. Crossed state lines with my child without my knowledge or my consent. That's called "absconding" here in the States and is a persecutable offense. She does this at least three times per year.

I'm no saint. I have my own issues, but I love my son. >>


look im not saying you dont support your son or do whatever you can for him but im just saying that ITS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS if shes recieveing assistance.

*kat. <-- wants to comment on the american dollars bit but rather adds it to the amount of resentment shes building up in regards to americans.