Is subtle humor the best kind? I think so. :)

XMan

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,513
49
91
Be sure to read the entire post.



Dear Mom and Dad: It has been six months since I left for college. I'm
sorry I haven't written more often and I'm very sorry for my
unthoughtfulness. I'm >sure you have been worried about me. Let me bring
you up to date, but before you read on, please sit down Ok? Don't read any
further unless you're sitting down. Ok? Good. I am getting along pretty
well now.

The skull fracture and the concussion I got from jumping out of the window
of my dormitory when it caught on fire several months ago, are pretty much
healed now.I only spent two weeks in the hospital! Mom always said the
girls in our family heal fast. In fact, I can almost see normally again and
I only get headaches three times a day now. Fortunately, the fire in the
dormitory and my jump were witnessed a gas station attendant who immediately
called 911. He's so sweet.He even visited me in the hospital, and since I
had no where to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to
invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but
it's kind of cute. He really is a good person with a kind heart. We have
fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married.

We haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm sure that it will be before I
start to show. That's right, Mom and Dad, I'm pregnant! I know how much
you are looking forward to being grandparents, and I know that you will give
that baby the same love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was
growing up. We would get married now but we both failed out premarital
blood tests because of some minor infection. He told me about before hand,
but dumb me, I carelessly caught it anyway. Not to worry though the doctor
said my daily penicillin injections should clear it up by next month.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind, and
although not well educated, he is ambitious -- just like ! Also, he is of a
different race and religion than ours, but I know, after all your years of
teaching me tolerance, that you won't mind the fact that he is somewhat
darker than we are. I'm sure you will love him as I do. His family
background is good too!

I am told that his father is an important gun bearer in his native African
village. That's an important government position where he comes from.
Well, I guess that's all!

Now you know why I wanted you to sit down when you read this letter. Now
that I've brought you up to date, I just wanted to let you know
-- there was no dormitory fire, I didn't suffer a concussion or a skull
fracture, I wasn't in the hospital, I'm not pregnant, I'm not engaged, I
don't have syphilis and there is no boyfriend of another race or religion in
my life; however, I DID vote for Gov. Bush, and I just wanted you both to
see this in its proper perspective.


Your loving daughter, Chelsea

P.S. Stanford is great... I love it, though I miss you both terribly..and
socks, too!


P.S.S. Dad, please give my best to Monica and all the others

 

toph99

Diamond Member
Aug 25, 2000
5,505
0
0
hehe :)

here's something i found the other day(i'm sure many of you have seen it though) not trying to steal your thread or anything, just thought it would add to the laugh :)

Dear Billy Joe Bob,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Love and kisses,

Your favorite aunt

 

Scrapster

Diamond Member
Nov 27, 2000
3,746
0
0
Ha! I'm going to send this one to my grandparents. Make it look like I wrote it. Except they may have a hard time believing I'm pregnant. :)

Joe
 

XMan

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,513
49
91
Somebody sent me this one, too.

Not quite so subtle, but I LMAO.


<< This actually is true - it was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.It was a large wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, &quot;F--- you!&quot;. He turned to his bride and said,&quot;F--- you!&quot;, and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, &quot;I'm out of here.&quot; He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning.

While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway, as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests for a wedding and reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends and their entire families. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might see one of those MasterCard &quot;Priceless&quot; commercials out of this?

Elegant wedding for 300 family and guest... $32,000
Photographers for the wedding... $3,000
Nonrefundable Deluxe Honeymoon accommodations Maui for 2 weeks...$8,500

The look on everyone's faces after seeing a photo of the Bride and Best Man having sex... Priceless >>>