Is our society much more selfish than it once was?

[slackerinabox]

I wrote this blog today about people being more selfish than ever, and wonder what you guys think.. Are we more selfish than ever?

Realized something about selfish people...

Not a very happy warm and fuzzy holiday blog, but I just realized something - I'd get annoyed about people close to me being selfish, sometimes feeling that I go out of my way for people and people rarely return the favor. It's not that i want something in return, it just saddens me that people are so cheap, lazy, or petty - not bending their own happiness a little for the sake of someone else's. Today, my own sister did something that struck me as mean and I realized it's cultural now. my sister's going to india and stopped by for dinner. My dad made a sentimental little framed photo for a relative and asked her to drop it off and she snapped "my luggage is packed - i just don't have the room." My dad was hurt and i realized, you know, lots of brats would say that (including people i consider friends). I remember people not being able to give me a car ride home because "there's too much stuff in my car" (ummm.. throw ****** in the trunk!). or other stupid, selfish ****** that people don't think twice about. and it would hurt me.. i don't know why I'm different - maybe all the guilt attached to being an asshole, thief, criminal, scumbag, anti-social dick when I was a kid has made me the one of the few people willing to throw ****** out of my car because a friend needing a ride is more important than old bottles of beer.. but when my own sister can't think "oh, we can buy new shampoo in india, this picture's important to dad so let me clear up some space" then, well, why should i be annoyed when other people do it?

we've become a culture of selfish, disrespectful pricks - i get it now. that's why i get so shocked when I go to other countries and people are, you know, nice.. because we've lost that trait here.

my sister dropped her dog off here too (wait, it pisses me off that my dad is watching the dog for 2 weeks and she can't carry a ****** picture frame for him..) and, yeah, dogs are smart! Why do people think that cats are smarter? I ask this fella - "are you hungry?" - no bark - "are you thirsty?" - no bark - "want to go for a walk?" bark! I'm communicating with an animal and yet cats are considered more intelligent by many people. I figured it out - cats, while i love them, are solitary creatures who only really approach you when they're hungry or need something from you (protection, etc). They live for themselves and don't need us - they're kinda selfish. So, while dogs can help the blind cross the street or save peopel from burning buildings, we view selfishness as a true sign of intelligence.

So that's my Holiday message to you all - stop being selfish pricks. Let yourself be inconvenienced once in a while. You're really not that important, none of us are. Your individual impact on someon else's life is what makes you worth something more than a PBR chugging waste of air.

 

[Trevelyan]

Actually it's funny that you would post this. Recently I've had to deal with discovering just how selfish some of my friends really are. It was and still is a terribly painful situation. I think it really damages a relationship when someone puts themself above the other person.

But I don't think it's a new trend. Unfortunately I think it has been this way for a long time.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Trevelyan
Actually it's funny that you would post this. Recently I've had to deal with discovering just how selfish some of my friends really are. It was and still is a terribly painful situation. I think it really damages a relationship when someone puts themself above the other person.

But I don't think it's a new trend. Unfortunately I think it has been this way for a long time.

I know! i hate it. I would ask a simple favor and they would say something selfish, so casually, and I would just feel my stomach clenching up... "I've helped this person paint their apartment, move, picked them up from the airport and they're so selfish in return?" I'd feel like a sap and feel really indescribably gross in the end,

 

[Trevelyan]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: Trevelyan
Actually it's funny that you would post this. Recently I've had to deal with discovering just how selfish some of my friends really are. It was and still is a terribly painful situation. I think it really damages a relationship when someone puts themself above the other person.

But I don't think it's a new trend. Unfortunately I think it has been this way for a long time.

I know! i hate it. I would ask a simple favor and they would say something selfish, so casually, and I would just feel my stomach clenching up... "I've helped this person paint their apartment, move, picked them up from the airport and they're so selfish in return?" I'd feel like a sap and feel really indescribably gross in the end,

Wow, that pretty much parallels my situation. Honestly, I can feel myself turning into the kind of person who doesn't depend on other people, simply because I keep discovering that I really cannot COUNT on other people, even for little things. To say this least, this discovery is extremely depressing.

 

[Trevelyan]

And yeah, when you help someone out and really, honestly put their convenience above your own, you feel downright terrible when they turn around and take advantage of you.

It's a shame that people act like this. But I am a strong believer in karma, and even thought I feel like a sucker sometimes, I'm glad I'm still me and not them.

You should read the short story "Gimpel the Fool."

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Trevelyan

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: Trevelyan
Actually it's funny that you would post this. Recently I've had to deal with discovering just how selfish some of my friends really are. It was and still is a terribly painful situation. I think it really damages a relationship when someone puts themself above the other person.

But I don't think it's a new trend. Unfortunately I think it has been this way for a long time.

I know! i hate it. I would ask a simple favor and they would say something selfish, so casually, and I would just feel my stomach clenching up... "I've helped this person paint their apartment, move, picked them up from the airport and they're so selfish in return?" I'd feel like a sap and feel really indescribably gross in the end,

Wow, that pretty much parallels my situation. Honestly, I can feel myself turning into the kind of person who doesn't depend on other people, simply because I keep discovering that I really cannot COUNT on other people, even for little things. To say this least, this discovery is extremely depressing.

Funny, I recently snapped - pledged never to be selfless and kind to people because it rarely ever gets repaid.. But, you know what? You're right - karma is something I have much faith in and, if the few decent people decide to be scumbags then where would that leave us, as a society? My compromise was to only be kind to people who have proved to deserve it

 

[SlitheryDee]

I feel I might come across as being a bit selfish at times. I balance this out by not asking for anything, ever. No one owes me anything outside of what I've given them, and I only count money in that respect. Rest assured, if I ever feel the need to request help from anyone it will be repaid with interest, but I haven't had to do so yet, and I don't plan on doing so in the future.

 

[Syringer]

Raise your hand if you've ever lived in a past society to compare it to today's?

Right.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Syringer
Raise your hand if you've ever lived in a past society to compare it to today's?

Right.

I've visited other countries and, yes, there's a difference.

edit:
and i do feel like it was very different even as close as the 80s.

 

[OVerLoRDI]

Originally posted by: Trevelyan

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: Trevelyan
Actually it's funny that you would post this. Recently I've had to deal with discovering just how selfish some of my friends really are. It was and still is a terribly painful situation. I think it really damages a relationship when someone puts themself above the other person.

But I don't think it's a new trend. Unfortunately I think it has been this way for a long time.

I know! i hate it. I would ask a simple favor and they would say something selfish, so casually, and I would just feel my stomach clenching up... "I've helped this person paint their apartment, move, picked them up from the airport and they're so selfish in return?" I'd feel like a sap and feel really indescribably gross in the end,

Wow, that pretty much parallels my situation. Honestly, I can feel myself turning into the kind of person who doesn't depend on other people, simply because I keep discovering that I really cannot COUNT on other people, even for little things. To say this least, this discovery is extremely depressing.

Agreed. Counting on others is hard. It's usually just better to suck it up and do it yourself.

 

[440sixpack]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Not a very happy warm and fuzzy holiday blog, but I just realized something - I'd get annoyed about people close to me being selfish, sometimes feeling that I go out of my way for people and people rarely return the favor. It's not that i want something in return, it just saddens me that people are so cheap, lazy, or petty - not bending their own happiness a little for the sake of someone else's.

I completely agree with you on this point. It may just be perception to me, but so much of the world just doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves, especially in the small ways.

 

[thirdlegstump]

Can you answer this question?

If you can't help yourself, how can you help others?

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: deathkoba
Can you answer this question?

If you can't help yourself, how can you help others?

I agree but what is your point - society, as a whole, can't help themselves?

 

[iamaelephant]

Wow this is one whiny thread.

 

[johnjbruin]

I know I have become selfish at occasion. I just cant change it - its almost like its taking me over - and I hate myself for it too.

 

[mrSHEiK124]

Originally posted by: Trevelyan
And yeah, when you help someone out and really, honestly put their convenience above your own, you feel downright terrible when they turn around and take advantage of you.

It's a shame that people act like this. But I am a strong believer in karma, and even thought I feel like a sucker sometimes, I'm glad I'm still me and not them.

You should read the short story "Gimpel the Fool."

QFT

 

[z0mb13]

I sure hope not, but this experience with this "friend" of me pissed me off:

I was flying back to my home country 3 days ago, and my friend happened to be on the exact same flight. Since I will be carrying a lot of suitcases I asked him if he can help me check in one bag at NO COST whatsoever for him, but it would save me $100. He said yes, but at the airport he totally neglected my calls and said that he was extremely busy so he didnt return my calls. Total BS. WTF he had a chance to help a friend at no cost whatsoever to him, but he was that anal. God at least now I know he is not to be trusted/not a true friend. I guess $100 is a pretty cheap price to find out.

 

[SViper]

I'll play devil's advocate here for the sake of discussion, although it somewhat aligns with my views on the subject.

Do you think helping someone else entitles you to an "I owe you" that you can cash in on at a later day? That, in and of itself, sounds like a selfish statement. To be truly selfless, you would be helpful towards said person without any expectations of a return of your kindness.

If it's one thing you can always count on is for people to be selfish. Every single person is selfish at least once in their lives. I'll admit that one myself. I myself have been selfish on occasion, and I have been burned by a really good friend because he was selfish. Was I hurt? Yes, greatly. I don't think our relationship will ever be the same because of it. I have gotten past it though and just acknowledged the fact that I cannot trust my friend the same way ever again. As the saying goes, when sh!t hits the fan, you find out how people really are.

Another explanation as to why people in our society are so selfish could be that since debt is at record levels in our country, people barely have the means to make it by. One of my friends even mentioned that when everything is financially squared away at his house, then he will help others. Would you help out someone else if that means you will have to foreclose on your house? I think not. I wouldn't anyway.

Will I help others without any expectations of help in return? Of course I will. I will just make sure that I don't leave myself too vulnerable to get burned until he or she proves himself or herself. In the case in the OP, I would have upheld my father's request, especially considering he is helping me out by taking care of my dog when I'm gone.

I generally follow my boss's rule when it comes to relationships with people. "Life isn't a team sport, but making alliances makes it so much easier and more fulfilling." If there is one thing you can expect from everyone, is that they will always look after themselves first.

Edit: This applies to my views on our society only, because it's the only society I've ever been a part of.

 

[chambersc]

Hopefully. To me, it would represent progression.

 

[Trevelyan]

Originally posted by: SViper
I'll play devil's advocate here for the sake of discussion, although it somewhat aligns with my views on the subject.

Do you think helping someone else entitles you to an "I owe you" that you can cash in on at a later day? That, in and of itself, sounds like a selfish statement. To be truly selfless, you would be helpful towards said person without any expectations of a return of your kindness.

If it's one thing you can always count on is for people to be selfish. Every single person is selfish at least once in their lives. I'll admit that one myself. I myself have been selfish on occasion, and I have been burned by a really good friend because he was selfish. Was I hurt? Yes, greatly. I don't think our relationship will ever be the same because of it. I have gotten past it though and just acknowledged the fact that I cannot trust my friend the same way ever again. As the saying goes, when sh!t hits the fan, you find out how people really are.

Another explanation as to why people in our society are so selfish could be that since debt is at record levels in our country, people barely have the means to make it by. One of my friends even mentioned that when everything is financially squared away at his house, then he will help others. Would you help out someone else if that means you will have to foreclose on your house? I think not. I wouldn't anyway.

Will I help others without any expectations of help in return? Of course I will. I will just make sure that I don't leave myself too vulnerable to get burned until he or she proves himself or herself. In the case in the OP, I would have upheld my father's request, especially considering he is helping me out by taking care of my dog when I'm gone.

I generally follow my boss's rule when it comes to relationships with people. "Life isn't a team sport, but making alliances makes it so much easier and more fulfilling." If there is one thing you can expect from everyone, is that they will always look after themselves first.

Edit: This applies to my views on our society only, because it's the only society I've ever been a part of.

Well then I guess my only point is that it sucks that we have to live in a world where that's just the way things work.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Originally posted by: SViper
I'll play devil's advocate here for the sake of discussion, although it somewhat aligns with my views on the subject.

Do you think helping someone else entitles you to an "I owe you" that you can cash in on at a later day? That, in and of itself, sounds like a selfish statement. To be truly selfless, you would be helpful towards said person without any expectations of a return of your kindness.

Most certainly not. I am opposed to exchanging "favors" in general. Not everyone sees it my way though, so I make it a rule to not ask for favors from anyone.

In essence, whatever services I give you as a favor need not be repaid, and I'll never ask you for anything,

In fact I'd rather not enter into the exchange of such favors as who owes-who-what tends to get confused very quickly in these situations. Seems much simpler to have paid the person for their services in the first place.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Trevelyan

Originally posted by: SViper
I'll play devil's advocate here for the sake of discussion, although it somewhat aligns with my views on the subject.

Do you think helping someone else entitles you to an "I owe you" that you can cash in on at a later day? That, in and of itself, sounds like a selfish statement. To be truly selfless, you would be helpful towards said person without any expectations of a return of your kindness.

If it's one thing you can always count on is for people to be selfish. Every single person is selfish at least once in their lives. I'll admit that one myself. I myself have been selfish on occasion, and I have been burned by a really good friend because he was selfish. Was I hurt? Yes, greatly. I don't think our relationship will ever be the same because of it. I have gotten past it though and just acknowledged the fact that I cannot trust my friend the same way ever again. As the saying goes, when sh!t hits the fan, you find out how people really are.

Another explanation as to why people in our society are so selfish could be that since debt is at record levels in our country, people barely have the means to make it by. One of my friends even mentioned that when everything is financially squared away at his house, then he will help others. Would you help out someone else if that means you will have to foreclose on your house? I think not. I wouldn't anyway.

Will I help others without any expectations of help in return? Of course I will. I will just make sure that I don't leave myself too vulnerable to get burned until he or she proves himself or herself. In the case in the OP, I would have upheld my father's request, especially considering he is helping me out by taking care of my dog when I'm gone.

I generally follow my boss's rule when it comes to relationships with people. "Life isn't a team sport, but making alliances makes it so much easier and more fulfilling." If there is one thing you can expect from everyone, is that they will always look after themselves first.

Edit: This applies to my views on our society only, because it's the only society I've ever been a part of.

Well then I guess my only point is that it sucks that we have to live in a world where that's just the way things work.

Well said, well said.

 

[Trevelyan]

Originally posted by: SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: SViper
I'll play devil's advocate here for the sake of discussion, although it somewhat aligns with my views on the subject.

Do you think helping someone else entitles you to an "I owe you" that you can cash in on at a later day? That, in and of itself, sounds like a selfish statement. To be truly selfless, you would be helpful towards said person without any expectations of a return of your kindness.

Most certainly not. I am opposed to exchanging "favors" in general. Not everyone sees it my way though, so I make it a rule to not ask for favors from anyone.

In essence, whatever services I give you as a favor need not be repaid, and I'll never ask you for anything,

In fact I'd rather not enter into the exchange of such favors as who owes-who-what tends to get confused very quickly in these situations. Seems much simpler to have paid the person for their services in the first place.

Yeah, I think we are definitely on the same page here.

Personally, I avoid being hurt by choosing to not become vulnerable to the shortcomings of other people. Usually that means I don't count on other people being there for me in the same way I try to be there for them.

But yeah, it sucks to have to live very long in that state. And I'm not saying I'm perfect either, far from it. I guess recently I've been reminded of how important relationships are, and how hard you have to work for them.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Trevelyan

Originally posted by: SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: SViper
I'll play devil's advocate here for the sake of discussion, although it somewhat aligns with my views on the subject.

Do you think helping someone else entitles you to an "I owe you" that you can cash in on at a later day? That, in and of itself, sounds like a selfish statement. To be truly selfless, you would be helpful towards said person without any expectations of a return of your kindness.

Most certainly not. I am opposed to exchanging "favors" in general. Not everyone sees it my way though, so I make it a rule to not ask for favors from anyone.

In essence, whatever services I give you as a favor need not be repaid, and I'll never ask you for anything,

In fact I'd rather not enter into the exchange of such favors as who owes-who-what tends to get confused very quickly in these situations. Seems much simpler to have paid the person for their services in the first place.

Yeah, I think we are definitely on the same page here.

Personally, I avoid being hurt by choosing to not become vulnerable to the shortcomings of other people. Usually that means I don't count on other people being there for me in the same way I try to be there for them.

But yeah, it sucks to have to live very long in that state. And I'm not saying I'm perfect either, far from it. I guess recently I've been reminded of how important relationships are, and how hard you have to work for them.

Well, I was recently so hurt that I adapted a screw them all mentality, but my new goal is to just measure myself out more. I would meet a friend of a friend and then, by the end of the night, go an hour out of my way to make sure they get home safe. Why? I think it's because that's how my parents are and I've always respected them for it. Now, I'm giving everyone respect but not really stretching myself until they really earn it. Of course, I can still be disappointed in people, it always happens.

I'm not saying that favors should be treated as legal tender. I'm just frustrated that people don't have the loyalty/respect that I view is important in a friendship. I'm not a good person - I'm an awful person who has serious hang ups about a lot of things (women!)... I don't feel like I'm better than anyone, that's why it's shocking to me when people act selfishly. My sister not making way for a picture frame in her luggage? That's shocking to me. My buddy not taking 10 seconds to proof read a cover letter I asked her to when I've proof read her 30+ page papers in college? Little things like that disturb me... It's not about the favor exchange, it's that I hoped that my friendship was worth more than that.

 

[lyssword]

I'm kinda selfless. In MMORPG's I played I gave random noobs money to start out never expecting any return on it. I recently spent 6 hrs in a row fixing comp that wouldnt boot (turns out boot file screwd up ). I pay for the DSL and let most of my family leech it for free from their comps, I always let my mom check email even if I'm doing something important. I always try to get friends some food when they come, lend a bit of cash, etc.
Now some of you think I'm too pvssy and submissive, but I'm anything but that. I'm never afraid to speak my mind or be persuasive when I really need to be. Life could be short and rather than doing nothing for anyone, I choose to help (if needed), even if they r ungrateful (to a certain degree). Being selfish would turn me inside out and I wouldn't stop thinking about how fake I am.