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Is not knowing yourself or your purpose a major obstacle to success?

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UNCjigga

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
25,586
10,282
136
Just finished cleaning up after a send-off party I threw for a good friend leaving town (girl I dated once a long time ago.) While cleaning, I kinda fell into one of those "I'm a loser" spells cuz it seems like all my friends keep passing me by and my life stays the same.

I'm 25, I live at home with my dad and a senile grandma, and I haven't been laid in well over a year (haven't even thought about dating actually, just not into it.) The only one good thing in my life is that I seem to be losing weight though this is probably some side effect of medication I've been on rather than any change in diet/exercise.

Its been months since I quit my job, and I still find myself doing odd projects for my old boss on contract since I haven't found a new job yet. I missed out on applying to grad schools, so now I'm getting applications ready to start school in Fall 2005. Besides taking the LSAT and GRE (already took GMAT) what do I do for a year in the meantime?

I want change. I NEED change. I need to be doing something different. I need to move to a different city...or even a different state! But so far I've been incapable of making this change happen. What's wrong with me?? I've been seeing a shrink since February and I haven't found any answers yet.

My own conclusion is that somehow I haven't yet figured out who I am, what my ideals are, and what I want out of life. Without knowing these, how can I set any long-term goals, yet alone achieve anything? Another suspicion of mine is that part of me wants change and another part of me fears it. Sure it would be nice to be doing something with my life, but I think part of me feels comfortable where I am. Lets face it--I'm not the social butterfly type who can get settled quickly in a new environment.

I know this post seems very bloggish (heh, I posted it on my blog too) and 99% of you could care less about me or my ennui, but I'm hoping there is someone out there who's been through this before and got through it...I need some advice on how to proceed. Or, someone out there might be going through the exact same thing at the same stage or in another stage of their life...don't be afraid to speak up!

Anyways, I'm going to try and get some sleep tonite but I'll probably bump this in the morning. Goodnite.
 
UNCjigga

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
25,586
10,282
136
Originally posted by: minendo
"I'm a loser"
Click to expand...
It took you this long to realize something ATOT has known since December 12, 2000?
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You know I just now noticed that you joined almost a year AFTER I did, and yet you have more than 2x my posts...
 
O

Orsorum

Lifer
Dec 26, 2001
27,631
5
81
I think you need to get a job, work your ass off and stop wallowing in your own self-pity.

At least, that's what I needed.
 
L

loup garou

Lifer
Feb 17, 2000
35,132
1
81
I've found that insulting people over the internet whiles away the time nicely.

EDIT: You big loser.

EDIT2: :p
 
UNCjigga

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
25,586
10,282
136
Originally posted by: Orsorum
I think you need to get a job, work your ass off and stop wallowing in your own self-pity.

At least, that's what I needed.
Click to expand...
Self-pity? Man, I got sick of feeling sorry for myself a long time ago. I know I'm the only one to blame for my string of failures after graduating high school. My problem is trying to pick a path and sticking with it. I've been sitting at these crossroads for too fvcking long!
 
K

Kilgor

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
3,292
0
0
I'm a loser but I like it no one really expects much out of me. But I did get laid before I changed to my current loser status.
 
F

Feldenak

Lifer
Jan 31, 2003
14,090
2
81
Stop thinking about making a change and just do it.

When you are looking at grad schools don't even look at the ones close to you. Move, experience a different area of the country, meet new people, etc...
 
M

monk3y

Lifer
Jun 12, 2001
12,699
0
76
I think you are completely right about how knowing yourself is important. I think if you just make some goals things will fall into place easier. Think about it this way... People only get good at things if they work at it, all you have to do is FIND that thing that you want to get good at. Once you do, if you work at it you are going to be better than ALOT of people at doing that thing you choose. If anything just set some short term goals and complete them and in the end you will find what you are after. :)
 
G

gopunk

Lifer
Jul 7, 2001
29,239
2
0
i don't think a shrink is going to help you much honestly... you can read that book, if you want to be told what to live for by people that don't even know you, instead of determining what is best for you.

just pick something you are remotely interested in that is marketeable and become really good at it, find a job. look at past jobs you had, even ones that you disliked. were there aspects of them that you really enjoyed? what kinds of jobs would be mostly comprised of these aspects? you probably won't figure out what you want your life to be like in 30 years, but that's ok. learn to accept the uncertainty. just try to build a solid future. the more financially independent and sucessful you are, the easier it will be for you to do what you want when you figure out what exactly that is.
 
J

johnjbruin

Diamond Member
Jul 17, 2001
4,401
1
0
i felt the same way - not knowing where i was going.

then i got a job and work like 50hrs a week - i think it is helping me decide somewhat.
 
StageLeft

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
Yes it is. Maybe not financial success, but that's a lesser success anyway.

BTW you NEED change. It almost always is positive and helps one grow.

I would advise you to look for work elsewhere, maybe go up to alaska and plant trees or someting. Just get out of your house.
 
N

Nanotech

Senior member
Mar 10, 2004
958
0
0
I don't even know you but am compelled to say I don't think you need to see a shrink and if he is the one who put you meds than I would seriously consider whether YOU truly feel you need them. If they are some psychological drug for something other than ADD and you are thinking you may wish to stay on them for the sole purpose of losing weight than I would reconsider or at least see if you can't switch over to a treatment for ADD such as Concerta. That will not only help you concentrate on your life more easily but will probably help you figure out who you are and where you want to be and what you need to do to get there. Once that happens stop taking any form of med that is not absolutely necessary.

In the mean time, instead of seeing a shrink try and simply get outside more. Spend the amount of time your sessions are with a note pad and some wooded or scenic area around you and just think. Walk, hike, bike or find some outdoor hobby that interests you and gets your mind right.
 
S

sillymofo

Banned
Aug 11, 2003
5,817
2
0
Let's look at it this way, if you don't know where you're going, you can't get lost. There's a silver lightning to every dark cloud. :p
 
UNCjigga

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
25,586
10,282
136
Originally posted by: Nanotech
I don't even know you but am compelled to say I don't think you need to see a shrink and if he is the one who put you meds than I would seriously consider whether YOU truly feel you need them. If they are some psychological drug for something other than ADD and you are thinking you may wish to stay on them for the sole purpose of losing weight than I would reconsider or at least see if you can't switch over to a treatment for ADD such as Concerta. That will not only help you concentrate on your life more easily but will probably help you figure out who you are and where you want to be and what you need to do to get there. Once that happens stop taking any form of med that is not absolutely necessary.

In the mean time, instead of seeing a shrink try and simply get outside more. Spend the amount of time your sessions are with a note pad and some wooded or scenic area around you and just think. Walk, hike, bike or find some outdoor hobby that interests you and gets your mind right.
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Shrink suggested Strattera, and my doc then gave me two weeks worth as a sampler. The medicine doesn't kick in like Ritalin supposedly does, and it took 3-5 days before it was barely even noticeable. But after my trial ran out earlier this week, I really noticed the difference after not taking the medicine for a few days. Believe it or not, I think I get better sleep when I'm on the medicine, and its easier for me to get multiple things done at once.

Unfortunately I can't get more medicine until my health plan kicks in June 1st, but I think I'll definately get back on it.
 
O

Orsorum

Lifer
Dec 26, 2001
27,631
5
81
Originally posted by: Jigga
Originally posted by: Orsorum
I think you need to get a job, work your ass off and stop wallowing in your own self-pity.

At least, that's what I needed.
Click to expand...
Self-pity? Man, I got sick of feeling sorry for myself a long time ago. I know I'm the only one to blame for my string of failures after graduating high school. My problem is trying to pick a path and sticking with it. I've been sitting at these crossroads for too fvcking long!
Click to expand...

.... so now you're making excuses. Get over it, get a job and work.
 
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