Is it offensive to ask someone if they are gay?

[cressida]

Experience:

I got a memebership to a gym near my house. After getting my membership that day, I decided to swim in their heated pool and check out the hot tub. I was sitting alone in the hot tub until this older guy came by. He just stepped into the water and looked at me and said "it's pretty hot", then he went and sat alone. Then, I decided to go swim a few laps in the main pool, and after a few laps I looked up and saw that guy looking at me, and he just winked at me.. I didn't think nothing of it, and just ignored him and went to go sit in the sauna.

After I left the gym, I waited outside for my sister to pick me up. Then I saw him with some lady in a mr2 spyder, and he just smiled at me and drove off (I thought he was showing off his girlfriend or something). My sister finally came by to pick me up, and went I got home I went to take a shower.

The phone rings, and my sister picks up and tells me I have a phone call but I ask her to say "who the he** is it?" so she does and it was some guy name John (or something), I tell her to tell that person to call me back. After the shower, I get a call again



Conversation:

Him: Hello, is xxxx there?
Me: Yes, who is this?
Him: John something, I met you at the gym earlier.
Me: Yes? (me thinking I lost my ID or something)
Him: Well, I'm wondering .... are you bi?
Me: errrr... NO
Him: oh damn, I thought we could hang out or something
Him: you sure you aren't?
Me: YES!
Him: Well sorry, I guess I'll see you around then.

I dunno how he got my number or knew my name ... but I did find my license and student ID moved around in my wallet when I took it out of my gym bag.(I didn't bring a lock that day) But I never went to that gym again...

 

[compuwiz1]

Hehe...be very careful where you swim. Swiming can't be done without bending over, occasionally!

See, though, the story's are just a small fraction of what is really happening out there. I'm sorry, but girls that are hot after your ass don't come at you with 1/10th the intensity of a queer on a quest.

 

[Kerouactivist]

Man some of you guys have some strange stories

 

[MikeO]

I guess it has some advantages of being butt ugly, gays won't come ever near you.



<< If they say "No" then you can tell them that they must be really insecure about their sexuality to say "No" and therefore, they're a closet gay. >>

 

[TheOmegaCode]

Well, from my experience, chicks don't like it when you ask if they swing both ways... Don't know if that helps you or not...

 

[gplanet]

is it less offensive to ask someone if they're gay if they really are gay?

 

[tcsenter]

<< I dunno how he got my number or knew my name ... but I did find my license and student ID moved around in my wallet when I took it out of my gym bag.(I didn't bring a lock that day)... >>

lol! I have one better, a queer actually followed me home one night, just to proposition me. I still cannot hardly believe that anyone would be so stupid or brazen as to follow a complete stranger to their house, but nonetheless...

I went to the local party store one night to get a six-pack and some cigarettes. There was NOBODY else there except me and the clerk (a woman). I didn't say hello to anyone going in or out, because there was nobody to say hello to. I don't even remember there being any other cars in the parking lot.

I get my stuff and leave in my car, it was dark, and I was a few hundred yards down the road when I happened to glance in my rear-view mirror and noticed the headlights of a car pulling-out of the party store behind me. I thought nothing of it, but within about 20 seconds this car had closed the few hundred yard gap that was originally between us. That got my attention, but I just thought it was some moron with a lead foot, there are lots of those.

The car wasn't right on my tail, but it stayed about 4 car lengths behind me the whole way home. I began to get suspicious because you expect lead-footed morons to pass you, if they were in such a hurry. This one didn't, nor attempted to, but it might just be a coincidence in that he could be going the same way I was.

I get to my house and pull into the drive, which is only two car lengths long. The car pulls to the side of the road and parks in front of my house. I couldn't see who or how many were in the car. Then I begin to think that its someone I know, a friend of mine or something, but they're driving a car I don't recognize.

I wait several seconds, get out of my car, wait several more seconds for them to shut-off their engine and headlights, get out of the car, or at least roll down the window to say 'whazzup' - something - but they don't. I presume they're waiting for me to come out to their car.

My ex-girlfriend had done this sort of thing once or thrice before, so at this time, that's who I'm expecting to find and thinking to myself "cool - booty call for me tonight!". Not so lucky.

I walk to the car, around to the driver's side, six-pack in hand, the driver's side window rolls down and there sits some guy about my age that I don't recognize. I ask "How's it going?" and he says something appropriate as a response that I don't really remember what. I ask "Is there something I can help you with?" thinking he might be lost...or something.

He responds, "Yeah...maybe." After several uncomfortable seconds of silence, and I ask, "Okay...are you going to tell me what that might be?"

He spots my six-pack, which I had taken out of the bag, and asks "You partying tonight?" Now I'm starting to think this guy is a weirdo. I'm from a blue collar/farming community where homosexuality is just not a wise thing to be open about, so its the last thing I expect. I mean, I'm thinking a drunk or crazy weirdo, but not gay weirdo...

I reply, "No, just having a couple beers...do I know you?" Then he tries to lie about meeting me at some party I've never been to, and the whole thing starts to feel really fishy. I replied I've never been to who ever's house he said the party was at, and that I think he might have mistaken me for someone else. He insists he knows me from somewhere, but doesn't really remember for sure. I say "Well, okay, that could be, I've met a lot of people in a lot of places in my life, but they don't follow me to my house without being invited."

He then looks over at my house and asks "Do you live there?" I reply that it was none of his business where I lived, and he responds that he didn't mean anything by it. I'm trying to wrap it up at this point, to get him to move along without my being a rude ass, which I don't like to do, so I say, "Well, have a good one" and I start to walk away. He hastily says "I wanted to ask you something." So I stop and say, yeah?

He responds "You asked if you could help me with something, and I wanted to know if...if you'd let me suck your dick." Can you f-cking believe it? This was seven years ago and I still can't believe it.

I went berzerk. He had his car running and in gear the whole time, as I said before, I think fags have a death wish and he EXPECTED me to come-off on him. I said "you muther f-cking queer" and started towards the car cuz I was going to snatch his ass out of it and beat him in the middle of the street. But, he saw my reaction and started to spin off, and the only thing I could do was heave my six-pack at him as he went by, which hit him square in the head with a nice solid "CLINK!".

Then I was paranoid for the next few weeks, knowing this idiot knows where I live. But I never saw him again.

 

[Jfur]

For both A and B you are delving into a very personal matter and one that is a sensitive issue for both gay people and non-gay people, so I think it would be quite offensive. In the same vein as asking someone how big his dick is or if she masturbates or (in many cases) a woman's age, who a man voted for or other personal information. If someone wants you to know they are gay, they will drop a hint or tell you directly. Otherwise, it's really none of your (or my) business.

Now that we are telling stories, on one trip to visit a college friend and attend a conference in San Francisco, we were walking along the street and a pimp (feathered hat and all!) offered to get us a woman for a threesome :Q A few nights later, I walked to a local Border's Books and was in the magazine section when I noticed a well-dressed woman trying to make eye contact. I felt a little uncomfortable, so I avoided her gaze and went to another part of the store. Then I bought a few things and began to walk back to my hotel. As I reached the hotel entrance (about 3-4 blocks later), the same woman suddenly jumped in front of me and said "Wanna F*ck??" She really startled me, so I just stood there for a second in shock and then darted into the lobby. I'm used to men saying things like that but this was the first time a woman had been so bold.

 

[tcsenter]

<< He then goes into this spiel about how he used to be married and was no longer, and about how lonly he is and that everyone deep inside has a desire to have what he called, a homosexual experience with no ties, just pleasure. >>

Unfortunately, that is going to be the logical consequence of "homosexuality is normal and natural" advocacy. Nobody admits on their own initiative that something is 'not right' with them. It takes societal, moral, or legal standards to make people realize there is something 'not right' or even 'not in the majority' about the way they are.

Since homosexuals have had a deep desire to have a 'homosexual' experience (duh), and they are told by the pro-gay community that homosexuality is completely normal, that is going to facilitate a belief among gays that every man has a desire to have sex with other men (or women with women). They become convinced this is true, which is why, as someone put it, "girls that are hot after your ass don't come at you with 1/10th the intensity of a queer on a quest."

They are convinced they can 'sway' you, because they 'know' you've been having these desires all along, just like they did, and of course there is nothing 'wrong' with them, there is no difference between them and you. Its a severely disfunctional and warped view, and every bit the equivalent of male rapists who convince themselves that women have a deep desire to be raped (i.e. "I know she wanted it").

I'm trying REEELY hard to be that 'progressive tolerant guy' that everyone is saying I should be, plus I truly subscribe to the idea that its not my business what two adults do in their bedroom consentually; strangle each other, put furniture up each other's butt, whatever, so long as its mutually consenting.

But, when it comes out of the bedroom and in my face, that's where I reserve the right to respond in an appropriate manner, by pounding on them a little if necessary to ensure they "understand". I'm far less likely to respond this way than I was several years ago, because I am seeing violence as a far less appropriate response than I once did, but if some f-cker won't leave me alone after I've already plainly told him I'm not interested...that is a risk he willfully takes.

 

[shortalias]

If, asking the question, you feel a sudden pain and you get nosebleed, I think it is safe to say it was offensive!!