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Is it obvious?

W

Willoughbyva

Diamond Member
We all live in this world together. It seems it would be a good idea to try to understand one another. Wwhat do we base this understanding on? Our past experiences? Something we read out of a book? Something we see on tv or a magizine? Reality is that people are more complex or simple than this. We try to get an idea, sort of like an image in our mind of what the other person is like. We do this in a number of ways. Sometimes it is just by looking at the other person. Sometimes it is by sharing time with the other person. Sometimes we don't try to get all involved in the other persons lives. We just have a working relationship with them. Sometimes we get close to another person. That is when we need to be careful. We build up this image of what the other person is. A wife, a friend, a lover. This image is not always true, or it is not always accurate. Sometimes we build this image and covet it more than we do the actual person.

I say that if we care about another person then we also need to let them change. And to keep an acurate portrail of the other person in mind. It seems logical to me that if a person is stimulated they should change over time. So when they do change there needs to be communication and interest in trying to find out what the other person is thinking. How their thinking has changed since before the change. How it effects their actions and the reasons why they do things. If there is interest, caring, sharing and understanding then the relationship should be ok. Meaning that both people should get something out of it. If both people stop getting something out of a relationship then perhaps it is time for the relationship to end. We have probably had first hand experience, or have heard of people who are in a one sided relationship. It isn't a good thing to be in. It is a struggle to keep going on in it. I say this because most people like being with someone who thinks or has similar ideas about things that they themselves do. Homogenous relationships have a better chance of being successfulk over the long run.

I don't know what I am really trying to get at. I guess I just want people to think a little bit and get some feedback on my thoughts.
 
Originally posted by: johnnytightlips
Originally posted by: sixone
Those old rose-colored glasses will get you every time. 🙁
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So was this an attempt at a joke or are you trying to pretend that you're sensitive?
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Learning it the hard way. 🙁
 
I was wondering if what I posted made sense? How do two people change over time and stay together realisticaly? Is it all about commitment? What are other people opinions about stuff like this?

Also it is about more than two people staying together. It about relationships in general.
Perry
 
Originally posted by: Willoughbyva
I was wondering if what I posted made sense? How do two people change over time and stay together realisticaly? Is it all about commitment? What are other people opinions about stuff like this?

Also it is about more than two people staying together. It about relationships in general.
Perry
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Gandhi said that when 2 people have a physical relationship too soon, it leads to less communication cause they are only communicating through sex, and who is really a pro at reading body language? They could be giving you a goodbye hug, and you could misinterpret that. The key is learning how to maintain that communication. I'm not sure how one does that though. Anyone?
 
Bump for the morning crowd.


Why do you think I should go gay? Don't you ever think about stuff like this and try to understand how things work or might work better?
 
I think honest communication is pretty important. It helps you to understand each other, and let's you know what the other person thinks/feels about different subjects and situations.

Over time, people can drift apart if they don't try to maintain an active interest in what the other person is into. If you already have closeness (a relationship), showing interest in their likes and feelings can make you closer. It's human nature to be attracted to someone who shows interest in us.

It also helps if both parties are committed to making the relationship strong. Meaning, you both have to want to be in the relationship. One person can't do it alone. That'll lead to emotional torment.
 
Thanks TBone48. I think so too. Do you think commitment is what keeps people together through the rough spots? I mean after the (I forgot what the stage of love is called) stage of love where it is mostly physical? If so then perhaps we are not as discriminatory as one might think, but after thinking about the divorce rate maybe we are. I just wonder what causes some in relationships to get through the tough spots and grow and others are just dead in the water? I find relationships very interesting.
 
Those are some tough questions, and I don't think there can be any "one size fits all" answer. People are so diverse, I think you just need to be A) compatible first, and B) equally committed to making the effort to maintain the compatibility.

Not saying you have to be totally alike or always in agreement, that's unrealistic( and maybe boring, too?) But you have to agree on major things such as where to live, kids or no kids, etc. Then you can allow your differences to add interest to a relationship. IMO the trick is to find out if the differences are interesting or annoying BEFORE making the lifetime commitment of marriage. Too many people seem to think the other persons quirks will either stop being annoying, or will go away. That's a critical mistake.

For me personally, when I find myself not feeling satisfied with my marriage I think back to what brought me to love my wife in the first place. Then we set aside some time to discuss what we're BOTH feeling (it's not just about me) and get back to the place where we connect again.

I know that sounds kind of vague, but it's hard to put into words, for me at least. I'm not used to expressing such deep thoughts! Great questions, btw.
 
Thanks TBone48. One of the reasons I posted this question was because I wanted people to think about their relationships and how they work. I know this is just atot, but I feel people could benifit from reading or thinking about stuff like this. I know I can.


Perry
 
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