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Interesting quotes...

M

monk3y

Lifer
I just got this forwarded to me... I'm sure some of you have heard these before.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

?If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn?t have a problem with forest fires.? ? George Bush
 
"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."--After meeting with the leaders of the European Union, Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

"I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically."?Radio-Television Correspondents Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 29, 2001

"The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants."?Interview with the New York Times, Jan. 14, 2001

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."-Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

Who else, but our illustrious leader Georgie.
 
Originally posted by: InstincT
I just got this forwarded to me... I'm sure some of you have heard these before.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey
Click to expand...

Quote forwards should always be Snopes'd.

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/carey.htm

Some of the quotes are true, others not. 😛

Rob
 
I personally like:

I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.
Shaquille O'Neal Basketball star, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

The only thing I thought might ever kill me off was clean living. I thought, "How am I going to listen to that horrible noise I make without a gram of coke and a couple of double Jack Daniels?"
Iggy Pop

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett

but yours are hysterical!!
🙂




 
He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.
-- Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, 1991

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
-- Robert Orben

"What do you have to say about the US President calling you a complete idiot?"
"Eh, I've been called worse things by better people."
-- Reporter & Trudeau

When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black. You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray. So who you are callin' colored folks??
-- Anon Black guy, Texas

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
-- Oscar Wilde

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid
-- Kierkegaard

Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
-- General William Westmoreland

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

An ultra-intelligent machine is one that believes that people cannot think.
-- Jack Good, Alan Turing?s statistical assistant during the Second World War

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.
-- Stephen Hawking

The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days." Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C. We have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
-- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972

A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It's the other way around. They never vote for us.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination of human rights.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation.
-- Johnny Hart

Paradox: The following sentence is false. The preceeding sentence is true.

By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
-- Adolf Hitler

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
-- Voltaire, War

A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianty emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning.
-- 1996 Coca-Cola Company annual report

This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
-- Al Capone

Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great and mystical powers. We know this because they are capable of being both invisible and pink at the same time. The religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based on both faith and logic. Faith tells us that they are pink; through logic, we know that they are invisible....
-- Steve Eley

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev

If our society seems more nihilistic than that of previous eras, perhaps this is simply a sign of our maturity as a sentient species. As our collective consciousness expands beyond a crucial point, we are at last ready to accept life's fundamental truth: that life's only purpose is life itself.
-- Sheng-ji Yang, Looking God in the Eye

You think I know fvck nothing? I tell you I know fvck all!
-- Jean Cretien

Well, what do you think [laws] are for? We *want* them to be broken. There is no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one *makes* them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. ... just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interperted -- and you create a nation of law-breakers ... that's the game.
-- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged p. 411

God created a tree, and said it was good. Man created a car and said it was fantastic. God created a rabbit and said it was good. Man created a fridge and said it was marvelious. Wheels fell off the car, fridge broke down. Tree's still standing, rabbit's still running.
-- Bill Cosby

Per year, gangs in South Central [LA] recruit more people than the four branches of the U.S. Armed Forces do. Crack dealers employ more people in South Central than AT&T, IBM, and Xerox combined.
-- Kody Scott, Monster, An autobiography of an L.A. gang member

I can't stand this proliferation of paperwork. It's useless to fight the forms. You've got to kill the people producing them.
-- Vladimir Kabaldiz, Lenin Tractor Works, 1935

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
-- Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum

Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they are another's.
-- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681.

A burro is an ass. A burrow is a hole in the ground. As a journalist, you are expected to know the difference.
-- UPI Stylebook

There are more stars known to exist right now than the total number of all the grains of sand on every beach in the entire world. With those kinds of odds, it would seem downright naive for someone to go to a beach in, say, some out-of-the-way inlet in Baffin Bay, stoop to pick up only one tiny grain of sand, and declare that that grain alone was the only place where life could exist.
-- Hugh Downs

Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life.
-- Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah.

The end of man is knowledge but there's one thing he can't know. He can't know whether knowledge will save him or kill him. He will be killed, all right, but he can't know whether he is killed because of the knowledge which he has got or because of the knowledge which he hasn't got and which if he had it would save him.
-- Robert Penn Warren

I think I'll learn more from listening. Anything I would say I already know.
-- A student explaining while she did not wish to participate in a discussion, quoted in Christina Science Monitor

The point to remember is that what the government gives, it must first take away.
-- John S. Coleman

From the point of view of a tapeworm, man was created by God to serve the appetite of the tapeworm.
-- Edward Abbey

There is beauty in sorrow. If there were no sorrow in the world, there would be no compassion.
-- Christopher Pike

Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.
-- Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel

And stuff said by people I know:

Janet Jackson, not to be outdone by her younger brother, decided to expose herself not only to children but to people all over the world.
-- Cheshire

Vitamins are essential to all metabolic processess. Some vitamins we're unable to make ourself and must be ingested from higher life forms such as plants. This is because humans are stupid.
-- Dr. Joyce, Biochem II, Concordia University

You have illconceived question. We have unrelated answers.
-- seen on the bulletin board at my work

Speed does not kill. Stopping very quickly does.
-- My physics teacher
 
This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
-- Al Capone



If our society seems more nihilistic than that of previous eras, perhaps this is simply a sign of our maturity as a sentient species. As our collective consciousness expands beyond a crucial point, we are at last ready to accept life's fundamental truth: that life's only purpose is life itself.
-- Sheng-ji Yang, Looking God in the Eye
Click to expand...

wow.....
 
Originally posted by: Goosemaster
This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
-- Al Capone
Click to expand...
wow.....
Click to expand...
😀 I found that one quite amusing too, when I first saw it. The General William Westmoreland one is also good I feel, especially regarding this thread.
 
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