Initiating conversation with strangers

yhelothar

Lifer
Dec 11, 2002
18,409
39
91
Anyone here good at it? I've never been good at this, especially given that I've never trained myself to engage in small talk.

Any techniques/tips?
Maybe say initiating a conversation with someone at a party?

Or someone in a class?
 

JJChicken

Diamond Member
Apr 9, 2007
6,165
16
81
Main thing would be confidence. IMO people are really friendly and aren't judgmental. So just go up to them, smile, say your name and take it from there. Maybe comment on their dress (esp. maybe for a chick - is that a versace bag? or better yet - "i swear I saw those shoes at the Wal-Mart discount bin!") or the weather, or the general scene ("its a real lively party isn't it") or find something about them that you can start a conversation on. If someone is quietly sitting in the corner, maybe go up to them and say "so parties aren't your thing eh". Also try and match their mood perhaps. A soft-spoken and meek way wouldn't work with somebody who's dancing about, being loud, etc at the party whereas the opposite wouldn't work for somebody sitting quietly enjoying a cup of coffee.

That said, I suck as well at talking to strangers in most situations cause I'm shy as well.
 

Toonces

Golden Member
Feb 5, 2000
1,690
0
76
Mostly all of the strangers around here speak only Japanese and my abilities go barely beyond the gesturing, understand 10% of the conversation but nod and smile like you know what they're talking about, level.

I get approached at least twice an hour when I go to the peace park though; either by Japanese people trying to practise English, Missionaries trying to practise English, or pigeons looking for food... and trying to practise their English.

That said, I've found that eye-contact goes a long way to initiating a conversation with other people in public situations.
 
L

Lola

I tend to always start with a genuine compliment. Something like: "Your suit is very nice" or "that color looks great on you"... Then go from there. Not flirting... just engaging in small talk.

Now that I think about it, I feel i am very good at it. Every time I have flown somewhere, I end up talking with the other person sitting next to me (not spouse) for a good amount of time about anything.

I have met many very interesting people in all sorts of places that way.

I think the best thing to do though, if you are afraid or nervous, is have confidence in yourself. That you are worth talking to and that you have vaid things to say... even if it is small talk.

Finally... ALWAYS smile (not in a creepy way) and look them in the eye.
 

jjones

Lifer
Oct 9, 2001
15,424
2
0
My mother taught me not to speak to strangers, not to go into the back of the icecream truck, and not to be alone with the priests.
 

yhelothar

Lifer
Dec 11, 2002
18,409
39
91
Originally posted by: Lola
I tend to always start with a genuine compliment. Something like: "Your suit is very nice" or "that color looks great on you"... Then go from there. Not flirting... just engaging in small talk.

Now that I think about it, I feel i am very good at it. Every time I have flown somewhere, I end up talking with the other person sitting next to me (not spouse) for a good amount of time about anything.

I have met many very interesting people in all sorts of places that way.

I think the best thing to do though, if you are afraid or nervous, is have confidence in yourself. That you are worth talking to and that you have vaid things to say... even if it is small talk.

Finally... ALWAYS smile (not in a creepy way) and look them in the eye.

Hey good advice :)
I like that idea.
 

JEDI

Lifer
Sep 25, 2001
29,391
2,738
126
Originally posted by: jjones
My mother taught me not to speak to strangers, not to go into the back of the icecream truck, and not to be alone with the priests.

i have candy. get in the van.
 

LS21

Banned
Nov 27, 2007
3,745
1
0
"how about them cowboys?". no matter what city your in. no matter what your favorite football team is.
 

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
0
0
Originally posted by: LS21
"how about them cowboys?". no matter what city your in. no matter what your favorite football team is.

It's a good thing you qualified that first sentence by saying that you are referring to football...
 

skyking

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
22,764
5,927
146
Originally posted by: XZeroII
Originally posted by: LS21
"how about them cowboys?". no matter what city your in. no matter what your favorite football team is.

It's a good thing you qualified that first sentence by saying that you are referring to football...

sounds like some offhand reference to "brokeback mountain".
I kid, I kid!
 

PeeluckyDuckee

Diamond Member
Feb 21, 2001
4,464
0
0
Who the hell initiates a random conversation with a stranger by stating their name? If anything, your name is the least important thing they'd want to know.

 

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
2,161
126
Originally posted by: Lola
I tend to always start with a genuine compliment. Something like: "Your suit is very nice" or "that color looks great on you"... Then go from there. Not flirting... just engaging in small talk.

Now that I think about it, I feel i am very good at it. Every time I have flown somewhere, I end up talking with the other person sitting next to me (not spouse) for a good amount of time about anything.

I have met many very interesting people in all sorts of places that way.

I think the best thing to do though, if you are afraid or nervous, is have confidence in yourself. That you are worth talking to and that you have vaid things to say... even if it is small talk.

Finally... ALWAYS smile (not in a creepy way) and look them in the eye.

....and then comment on the size of their breasts or penis (or both, depending on what part of town you're in).
 

ObiDon

Diamond Member
May 8, 2000
3,435
0
0
Originally posted by: lyssword
"Hey I post weird questions on Anandtech. Do you like to nef as well? " and smile :)
"would you like 10lbs of bulk beef?"
 

angry hampster

Diamond Member
Dec 15, 2007
4,232
0
0
www.lexaphoto.com
Mention the weather...but keep the sentence extremely short. Make eye contact but absolutely don't stare. A friendly smile helps but don't be cheesy. Look at what the other person is looking at after making initial eye contact.

I'm a journalist and a photographer, so I talk to strangers on a daily basis and am fairly good at it. My girlfriend even thinks it's funny how many people I end up talking to out on the street. It's easy once you get used to it :)
 
S

SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: PeeluckyDuckee
Who the hell initiates a random conversation with a stranger by stating their name? If anything, your name is the least important thing they'd want to know.

"Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untravelled, the naive, the unsophisticated, deplore these formalities as 'empty,' 'meaningless,' or 'dishonest,' and scorn to use them. No matter how pure their motives, they thereby throw sand into the machinery that does not work too well at best." R.A.H.

I consider sticking out my hand and introducing myself the very best way to initiate conversation. In that way I put a bit of information, however inconsequential, about myself out there while inviting the other person to do the same. Really all you have to do is get past the part where you're not talking to each other into the part where you are, and everything gets easier from there.
 

lyssword

Diamond Member
Dec 15, 2005
5,630
25
91
Originally posted by: ObiDon
Originally posted by: lyssword
"Hey I post weird questions on Anandtech. Do you like to nef as well? " and smile :)
"would you like 10lbs of bulk beef?"

Do you have more than a three figure salary and a 10 inch vagina and a phd? Then it will just click from there.