In The Continued Wussification of America's Youth, Scores Are No Longer Kept In Sports

[moshquerade]

Should we let kids feel exclusion's sting?
Some question move to protect children from disappointment, failure

Wednesday, August 9, 2006; Posted: 10:37 a.m. EDT (14:37 GMT)

AP) -- Penny Grossman cringes each time a student mentions a birthday party during class at her Boston, Massachusetts-area preschool. The rule there, and at a growing number of America's schools, is that parties and play-dates shouldn't be discussed unless every child in the room is invited.

Gone are the days when a kindergartner dropped a handful of party invites in the classroom cubbyholes of their closest buddies. Today, if anyone is excluded the invitations can't be handed out at school.

The idea that protecting kids from rejection is crucial to safeguarding their self-esteem has gained momentum in recent years.

Take Valentine's Day: At some schools, a second-grader can't offer paper valentines or heart-shaped candies to a short list of pals and secret crushes anymore. They give cards to everyone or no one at all.

Or sports: In many towns, scorekeeping no longer happens at soccer or softball games played by kids under 8 or 9. Win or lose, every player in the league gets a trophy at the season's end.

As with many child-rearing trends, some parents and educators see wisdom where others spot foolishness. Many see a mixture of both.

"You try and do things gently when they're little because it is still hard," says Grossman, who is raising two teenagers while teaching preschool. "But I think this is a problem, and it's a growing one, because kids grow up and have this inflated sense of self-worth. Whether they earn anything, it's always a trophy. They have no sense that you have to work hard for some things."

Susan Reel, a mother of two living in Madison, Connecticut, doesn't see a downside to inviting the whole class to a birthday party.

"When they're in first and second grade, their friends are so day-to-day. It's who they played with yesterday," she says. "So to pick one or the other is shortsighted on the parents' part."

She believes that schools are paying more attention to children's feelings because they understand better today the damage done when a small group of kids is consistently excluded.

"When we went to school, people were bullied. Now we know kids have a much greater instance of suicide and depression when they've been bullied," she says.

Jolie Nichols, also a mother of two, disagrees. She believes kids in her Minneapolis neighborhood would benefit from competing for a trophy or handling a mild bit of rejection.

"It's just natural and it's realistic to have to deal with these things," she says. At her 7-year-old daughter's gymnastics class, everyone receives the same ribbon or medal for their performance, regardless of how well they've done.

Rather than imparting self-esteem, some experts believe this gives kids an unhealthy sense of entitlement.

"Self-esteem comes from those feelings you have about yourself for a job well done, for when you have achieved something," says Dr. Georgette Constantinou, administrative director of pediatric psychiatry at Akron Children's Hospital in Ohio. "It's not something you pour into your children."

She feels that many parents aren't equipping their kids to manage basic challenges.

"How do you expect them to handle life's big bumps if they haven't experienced the little ones?" she asks.

No one disagrees that disappointment is real: There are contests we all lose, parties we're excluded from. But what motivates so many parents to postpone that reality until their children reach the age of 10 or beyond?

For one thing, kids' lives are so tightly scheduled today that we're enrolling smaller and smaller children in organized activities. It may be true that 6-year-olds aren't ready to handle losing a T-Ball championship; a generation ago, 6-year-olds wouldn't have even been playing team sports.

Parents may also be reacting to their own economic and career stress by trying to protect their kids from it.

"This group is balancing things that previous generations haven't had to balance," says Constantinou. "The number of women in the work force is phenomenal, probably the largest since the war years, so you have a lot more stressed parents."

Busy parents turn to schools and other care-givers for help, says Mike Sanchez, co-owner of Camp Innovation, a Houston, Texas-area day camp. It does offer competitive games, but also gives each camper an award each week.

"I tell counselors, always find something specific about the kids," Sanchez says. "It helps with parents who say they may not be cleaning at home or working well with a brother or sister. We work on it, and then give them an award for best spirit of the week, best cleaner of the week."

Critics of the trend worry about a generation of kids who haven't experienced rejection or failure -- especially compared with countries such as China and Japan, where a focus on competition defines the lives of many children.

Learning to compete, says Nichols, is vital. "It sets them up for real life things like a job," she says. "It helps people develop their skills."

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/08/08/parenting.protecting.ap/index.html


don't blame the title on me i copied it from fark.com, but it does convey my feelings on this subject.

 

[MikeyIs4Dcats]

pvssies

 

[Tobolo]

Dont worry I agree and support your title.

 

[pontifex]

those kids are in for a major fvcking surprise when they leave school.

life isn't fair and the sooner they learn that the better off they will be. i can understand they want to do something to help kids from being left out and shooting up their school because they were outcasts but this isn't the way to do it.

 

[FrustratedUser]

LOL, dumbest thing I've seen in a long time.

 

[DougK62]

I wouldn't let my child play a sport where a score was not kept.

 

[monk3y]

That's completely ridiculous...

 

[NaOH]

That is some BS

 

[yllus]

According to some in that Little League thread, this is the way to go. Of course those same people also tended to do things like put quotes around the word "athlete", so one gets the impression that they were the clumsy, eternal last pick who dreaded gym class.

Kids are made of sturdier stuff than this. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Better they realize this basic tenet of life early.

 

[Albatross]

everything that offends mediocrity should be outlawed.

 

[PrinceofWands]

That's just silly. Much better to just do away with sports completely.

 

[NatePo717]

Originally posted by: pontifex
those kids are in for a major fvcking surprise when they leave school.

QFT!

 

[DAGTA]

See all the 20-somethings that still live at home with mommy and daddy eating happy pills because the world is so cold and harsh to them? They're the result of the 'feel-good, emotional happy, everyone is right and no one is wrong' 1980's child schooling. Life is full of tough situations and disappointments. Sheltering kids from that until they're 18 isn't going to help them deal with life as an adult.

 

[BlancoNino]

Growing up I was never on a winning sports team. On my 6th grade basketball team, I scored 1 layup (my only 2 points) the entire season...

Did I care? No, I had fun. Hell, kids don't mind losing at sports that much...it actually gives them quite an incentive to try harder....at least it was for me.

 

[flawlssdistortn]

Even worse than the "everyone is a winner at T-ball" is that kids who are not doing well in school are allowed to advance to the next grade, in order to shield their "fragile self-esteem." And people wonder why our generation can't read or write. I wonder how America expects to remain a world power with our education system.

 

[Albatross]

you have to prepare people for socialism early on.

 

[FeuerFrei]

Praise effort. Reward execution.

 

[KDOG]

Insanity. People need to stand up against this crap. How much self-esteem are these kids going to have when the real world slaps them in the face and stomps on them? Geez, I gotta leave this thread. My blood is boiling....

 

[ITJunkie]

Originally posted by: DAGTA
See all the 20-somethings that still live at home with mommy and daddy eating happy pills because the world is so cold and harsh to them? They're the result of the 'feel-good, emotional happy, everyone is right and no one is wrong' 1980's child schooling. Life is full of tough situations and disappointments. Sheltering kids from that until they're 18 isn't going to help them deal with life as an adult.

Totally spot-on! Too many fvcking "hover" parents who control every aspect of their kids lives and then wonder why they go off the frickin' deep end the first chance they get.

We saw this the moment our kids hit pre-school. My son is now 11 and there are still parents that "want to set-up a play date" and my wife just says "we don't do play-dates but your kid is welcome to come over and play anytime"!

Someone once said "life is problems, living is solving problems" (or something to that affect) and way too many parents aren't letting their kids solve their own d@mn problems.

</rant>

 

[schneiderguy]

one year my little league baseball team didnt win one game. i didnt care, it was a lot more fun than the year i had a crazy coach who made us practice 5 days a week (i was 10 at the time...) just to win the league championship

 

[TheRyuu]

I'm in HS and they still do all that sh!t.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

There needs to be a balance. We shouldn't protect our kids so much, but then again we shouldn't breed so much competition into our kids like China does, where too many kids off themselves if they don't get into the school they want...

There definitely needs to be a healthy dose of reality, but kids need to be taught to respect their peers (not bullying others, calling other people racist or sexual names, etc)

 

[randay]

There will be no smart-making if they do away with social outcasting. Think of the future!

 

[Apex]

Originally posted by: FeuerFrei
Praise effort. Reward execution.

You totally forgot "mock failure"

 

[MaxDepth]

Geez louise, whatever happened to -

Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongolian trainee: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!
Mongol General: That is good.