SETI has just detected the first confirmed alien transmission from outer space. Here is the text of the message that they decoded:
Subject: HEY, EARTHMAN, TRY IT! THIS REALLY WORKS!
This missive has been around the macroverse at least seven times! It has been to many extradimensional loci in the spacetime continuum! And now it has come to you. It will bring you incredible good fortune. This is true even if you don't believe in it. But you MUST follow these instructions:
Just send 5*10^50 atoms of hydrogen to each of the five star systems listed below. Then add your own system to the top of the list, delete the system at the bottom, and send out copies of this message to 100 other solar systems. If you follow these instructions, within 0.25 of a galactic rotation you are guaranteed to receive enough hydrogen in return to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! This will amaze your fellow beings, assure your place in history and improve your sex life!
DO NOT not break the reference loop, but send the missives and your hydrogen packets immediately! Tomorrow may be too late! Yesterday may be too early!
Mrs. F. Gzlopf, of the gas giant Axod VI, received this missive, followed its instructions, and within a year after passing it on, she was elected to the National Academy of Morbulators and won the Pan-Galactic Super Lotto Jackpot! Professor M., of the University of Tulsa, in your very own solar system, threw this missive away and ten years later someone dented his fender in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. Efni Bulchwak and his horde of symbiotes passed the missive on, and they were offered a lucrative movie contract after their picture was published in "Weekly World News" right next to a photo of Elvis's alien baby! Soth Karkka, from the second star on the left past Proxima Centauri, lined his birdcage with this missive, and Karkka's entire planet fell into a chronosynclastic infundibulum and was never seen again, although his bird is occasionally heard chirping "pretty boy" during times of high sunspot activity. This could happen to you if you break the chain.
This is perfectly legal! No laws of physics forbid the free exchange of hydrogen between star systems! But you MUST respond within 5.410170967507215239 standard units, or disaster may befall you and yours!
[Here the transmission ends, unfortunately. NASA is rumoured to be trying desperately to find the names of the five star systems, and many SETI participants to whom the word "Hindenburg" has no meaning are avidly gathering hydrogen atoms in their garages.]
Subject: HEY, EARTHMAN, TRY IT! THIS REALLY WORKS!
This missive has been around the macroverse at least seven times! It has been to many extradimensional loci in the spacetime continuum! And now it has come to you. It will bring you incredible good fortune. This is true even if you don't believe in it. But you MUST follow these instructions:
Just send 5*10^50 atoms of hydrogen to each of the five star systems listed below. Then add your own system to the top of the list, delete the system at the bottom, and send out copies of this message to 100 other solar systems. If you follow these instructions, within 0.25 of a galactic rotation you are guaranteed to receive enough hydrogen in return to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! This will amaze your fellow beings, assure your place in history and improve your sex life!
DO NOT not break the reference loop, but send the missives and your hydrogen packets immediately! Tomorrow may be too late! Yesterday may be too early!
Mrs. F. Gzlopf, of the gas giant Axod VI, received this missive, followed its instructions, and within a year after passing it on, she was elected to the National Academy of Morbulators and won the Pan-Galactic Super Lotto Jackpot! Professor M., of the University of Tulsa, in your very own solar system, threw this missive away and ten years later someone dented his fender in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. Efni Bulchwak and his horde of symbiotes passed the missive on, and they were offered a lucrative movie contract after their picture was published in "Weekly World News" right next to a photo of Elvis's alien baby! Soth Karkka, from the second star on the left past Proxima Centauri, lined his birdcage with this missive, and Karkka's entire planet fell into a chronosynclastic infundibulum and was never seen again, although his bird is occasionally heard chirping "pretty boy" during times of high sunspot activity. This could happen to you if you break the chain.
This is perfectly legal! No laws of physics forbid the free exchange of hydrogen between star systems! But you MUST respond within 5.410170967507215239 standard units, or disaster may befall you and yours!
[Here the transmission ends, unfortunately. NASA is rumoured to be trying desperately to find the names of the five star systems, and many SETI participants to whom the word "Hindenburg" has no meaning are avidly gathering hydrogen atoms in their garages.]
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