here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(and you thought?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands?
(Oh my God?was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(and you thought?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands?
(Oh my God?was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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