I'm older and more experienced than you, yet you can make it work and I can't...how can this be?

[MichaelD]

Perverts! I'll bet you thought I was talking about Mr. Happy, didn't you? Well, I wasn't. Mr. Happy works all too well, thank you very much.

What I'm talking about is Serious Relationships, where you either live together (nothing wrong with that) or *gasp* get married. At this point, I'd normally add in "religious freaks need not apply" b/c I have issues w/The Zealots of Organized Religion. This time, I'll leave that out b/c I'm offically *confirmed* puzzled.

Not to brag, but I've got more notches in my belt than some of you have years on this earth. Really. But those are just "notches." However, out of the four women I've lived with, and the two engagement rings I purchased ( I even got one back! ) I just can't seem to "make it work" with anyone. I dont' know why.

I'm not a druggie or an alkie. I don't beat women. I'm not bisexual (hey, just letting you know I'm eliminating all possibilites here!) Clean-cut, good jobs (yes, plural ) Socially viable (I like to talk..can U tell?) and parents usually love me..yet for some reason, the relationship self destructs.

Now, I'm not posting this as an alternative to a "God, why can't I be married with 34 kids?" thread; I'm posting it b/c I had lunch today with one of my buddies. He's almost as dysfunctional as I am...and has been living with his GF for almost three years now....and she has a kid that lives with them, to boot!!! :!

What is broken in my head? I know I have some....um....fidelity problems..but, it's not like I try to carry on two or three relationships at once...I just like pretty girls....gimme-gimme!! But that aside, I just "get bored!" really easily

In retrospect, when I was younger I was privelaged enough to date a couple of girls that were marriage materail..but I was too young and stupid to realize it. Now, I suffer for my indifference...forever stranded in the single life. Unless I want to "settle" and marry a moo-moo-cow.\

Explain these things to me, please. I already know that I was born under a bad sign, (this month, LEO) so tell me something new.

 

[UglyCasanova]

It's cause you're all bleeding and sh!t.

 

[weezergirl]

pics?

hehe i'm really curious to see your studly self. anyways, maybe it's the girls you go after. a lot of people go after the "same type" of person and it never works out.

 

[Vinny N]

maybe they're starting to notice that zombie look ?


Okay, now seriously...

What is broken in my head? I know I have some....um....fidelity problems..but, it's not like I try to carry on two or three relationships at once...I just like pretty girls....gimme-gimme!! But that aside, I just "get bored!" really easily

In retrospect, when I was younger I was privelaged enough to date a couple of girls that were marriage materail..but I was too young and stupid to realize it. Now, I suffer for my indifference...forever stranded in the single life. Unless I want to "settle" and marry a moo-moo-cow.\

From the rest of your description

I'm not a druggie or an alkie. I don't beat women. I'm not bisexual (hey, just letting you know I'm eliminating all possibilites here!) Clean-cut, good jobs (yes, plural ) Socially viable (I like to talk..can U tell?) and parents usually love me..yet for some reason, the relationship self destructs.

it sounds like you should have it made, and you just need to find the right gal.

 

[notfred]

Cause you bitch at people for wanting to get a full nights sleep, and then they think you're an asshole. <- theory #1.

Just because you work two or three jobs doesn't make you some "holier than thou" whatever.... Just because you get two hours of sleep a night, doesn't mean everyone else should have to or get put down for sleeping a healthy amount.

NOTE: Information gleaned from a previous thread and is only as accurate as my interpretation of events I did not actually experience.

Maybe you should try jsut working one job. Maybe you'll be less stressed, better rested, and have more free time. Maybe that would help your outlook here.

 

[Amused]

You need to realize a relationship will cool. It will be hard at times. It's not like the movies, and your life will never be a love story.

You need to find someone to be your partner. Not your hot love thang, not your idealistic body or face type, but someone in which you can wrap your mind around, and feel comfortable with.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn as well. Relationships are so idealized in popular culture, but no one details what they are really like. We're not prepared for what to do when the lust cools, and the groin grind becomes the daily grind.

 

[daclayman]

Hhhhmmm, what I wouldn't do for a 2 minute, blind-folded, drunken daily grind.... Dude, you don't want it yet. Men never actually want what you're asking for; it just happens. I don't why; I guess its kinda like playing CounterStrike 24/7 for 5 years. You figure the ins/outs but never really tried. Then, some newb shows you the ropes and BAAM, you're infatuated with his/her play. Just keep bein' "a playa" <cough>

 

[Draknor]

I agree with notfred & AmusedOne - more/better sleep would help you to be more thoughtful & relaxed, and then you just need to work to keep the relationship alive once the lust dies. Relationships aren't easy - they are a lot of work and time and energy. Communication is key, too - you gotta be open 'n honest with your girl, about everything & anything (unless you're trying to surprise her with something )

I don't have a lot of "experience" - in fact, I don't even have one notch in my belt... but I am in a serious relationship, and once we both graduate from college we intend to settle down with each other. It's been a rough road (complicated by the fact it's a long distance relationship ), but worth it. You just gotta find the right girl I guess, then when you do, make sure she knows just what you mean if/when you say "I love you"

My $0.02 -> good luck!

 

[Moonbeam]

I find that just because people ask a question doesn't mean they want an answer.

The answer is so simple that nobody knows it. But it's not only that they don't know it. There's a reason they don't know it. They don't want to know it. And they don't want to know they don't want to know. What are your chances?

Well be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.

We hate ourselves and anybody who loves us must necessarily be a fool. So we do two things. Come here and get away. Come here and make me feel good. Get away, your stupid if you're for real.

So what is broken in your head is broken in everybody's head, it's just that in minor ways we're all unique.

What we do is test people. We throw up roadblocks. We poke people in the stomach to see if they REALLY love us. We treat people like sh!t to see if they REALLY love us. We test in such a way as to make sure we get a guaranteed NO.

The fix is equally simple. Naturally I'm kidding. Knowing what the fix is is simple. Doing the actual fixing is something else again. You need to love yourself and the way, the best way I know to do that other than to experience Grace which is kind of hard to get on demand, is to get into some kind of therapeutic setting where you can explore the truth of what you feel, i.e. learn how to feel, and trace what you will discover, how much you hate yourself, back to where you acquired those feelings. Then you will see that they are complete lies, there isn't, and never was, anything wrong with you. Then you can cast off the smug self protective armor of egotism that protects you from consciousness of false feelings of inferiority and expose yourself to the risk of loving. But with the ego already dead, it won't be bad. You will already have nothing to lose and everything to give.

 

[tcsenter]

What is broken in my head? I know I have some....um....fidelity problems..but, it's not like I try to carry on two or three relationships at once...I just like pretty girls....gimme-gimme!! But that aside, I just "get bored!" really easily

haha, that's like being a 'little bit' pregnant. There is no such thing as having 'degrees' of infidelity problems. You either have an infidelity problem or you don't!

Ok, MichaelD, so I gather that you basically are having trouble, as they say, 'settling down'.

You're in a relationship with a girl you like, it has its moments that are really cool, and during or immediately after one of those moments you start to think, "Hey, I could get used to this long-term monogamous relationship thing" and then the very next day you nearly give yourself whiplash cranking your neck around to get a better look at some hottie that passes by you. You see her and think to yourself "Yummy...Me want!" and nearly forget about...uh...'what's her name' that you were 'in love' with yesterday.

Does that about sum it up?

 

[gopunk]

go for the cow

okay seriously, i have no clue. maybe you should talk to a shrink and see if there aren't any "issues" that would be causing this.

 

[flavio]

Maybe you're just a prick?

 

[Geekbabe]

Everything happens for a reason, all your past relationships make up part of the fabric of who you are,take the time to sit and take in the lessons you learned from each person you were with.As to the rest,just relax and chill out,when you're totally not expecting it or looking for it somebody who's totally cool will come into your life.

 

[Sluggo]

First off, you and only you have to be honest as to what you seek.

Do you seek a true deep relationship, full of spiritual and philisophical meaningness.....or do you seek a Slot-A for your Tab-B? Many men delude themselves saying they seek the true one...."the soulmate".... whereas all they truely seek is a temporary fix for their current phobia, be it physical or mental needs, which tend to be short lived and easily fulfilled, therefore leaving them seeking a new fix for their current ill.

 

[Torghn]

Originally posted by: dparker
It's cause you're all bleeding and sh!t.

Maybe it's 'cause it's real late, but after reading the entier thread I'm still LMAO over this.

 

[Rainsford]

Well I'm not exactly the love expert, but here goes.

You're problem is that your relationships are with pretty girls who end up being notches in your belt. Regardless of how old you may be, you are still acting like a horny frat boy. I don't mean that as an insult, but you said as much yourself. The problem is that you aren't really ready for a "serious" relationship. To you, relationships are about being with a pretty girl. And that's fine as far as that goes, but expecting those kind of relationships to turn into a serious relationship is going to make you very disappointed.

I know a girl who has the exact same complaint. She's said to me before that she can't understand why her relationships never "work out", yet her new boyfriend is always picked based only on his ability to light her fire. Which again, is fine as far as it goes, but trying to base a long-term relationship on that is just silly.

As AmusedOne said, it has to be a mental thing as well as a physical thing. Both are necessary, but I personally think the mental aspect of it is more important. There are a lot more women out there who fit the "Slot A for my Tab B" description than there are women who I would want to have an actual conversation with. Finding someone you mentally click with is a lot harder, but it's the only way you can have a good and lasting relationship.

JHMO of course.

 

[eakers]

you bitch about how much your girlfriend sleeps and how fat shes gotten and even how old she is compared to the young girls you liek to go after so much

and you wonder why you cant make it work?

edit: what i mean to say is that when you meet the right person these things wont matter.

 

[Hammer]

Simple, it's cause I'm better looking.

I'm older and more experienced than you, yet you can make it work and I can't...how can this be?

 

[Peetoeng]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

...I already know that I was born under a bad sign, (this month, LEO) so tell me something new.

If you believe in the above crap, then what keeps you from calling miss cLEO?

 

[JamesM3M5]

Originally posted by: baffled2
Everything happens for a reason, all your past relationships make up part of the fabric of who you are,take the time to sit and take in the lessons you learned from each person you were with.As to the rest,just relax and chill out,when you're totally not expecting it or looking for it somebody who's totally cool will come into your life.

Sounds sooooo cliche, but that's exactly what happened to me.

Your previous ban on "religious freaks" was also somewhat nebulous--what constituted a freak? Wouldn't sleep with you because of her beliefs? Neither would my last girlfriend. She is now my wife!! This may sound old-fashioned or corny, but it makes our relationship that much better and sex is that much better, too. I was not a virgin when we got married, and I actually feel somewhat guilty about it. But you don't have to take my word for it. This is free advice, and you get what you pay for, eh?

 

[BigJohnKC]

What I'm talking about is Serious Relationships, where you either live together (nothing wrong with that) or *gasp* get married. At this point, I'd normally add in "religious freaks need not apply" b/c I have issues w/The Zealots of Organized Religion. This time, I'll leave that out b/c I'm offically *confirmed* puzzled.

Does this mean you're willing to accept religious advice? :Q You're slipping in your old age, Mike. The most significant piece of religious stuf I can intersperse here is a statistic I heard recently. You know how the divorce rate among Americans in like 50% now? Well, when a couple prays together, studies the Bible together, and goes to church together, that rate drops to 1 out of 1150. I have no website to back that up, it was just a stat that stuck in my head after one of my pastor's sermons last year. Interesting, eh?

I am not really qualified to give out any real relationship advice, though, since I myself have failed to secure a long lasting relationship. Just be yourself, find someone that compliments you, makes you better, and stop worrying about notching your belt again. If that doesn't work, I'll have to go with flavio's appraisal of the situation:

Maybe you're just a prick?

 

[BD2003]

Youre looking at it the wrong way. You look at yourself in the mirror, and you see a list of traits. Good job, notches on the belt, clean cut, socially viable blah blah blah. And you probably see women the same way. You cant even stay faithful to one, and like someone else said, you still have the frat boy demeanor.

Maybe if you didnt work all day, you would be around long enough for the relationship to even mean anything. Because right now you work all day, so whats left for a relationship?

It seems like at your age, whatever it is, all the good pretty girls are taken. You may be older and more experienced then some, but apparently you know nothing about a real relationship. Mostly, it sounds like you do too much, and expect too much. Or, maybe youre just a prick.

 

[cavingjan]

From another standpoint: you are working three jobs. Do you really have the time to devote to someone else to their satisfaction?

Relationships should not be based upon making yourself happy as much as what do I need to make my SO happy.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

I would put money that you go after women who are not a good match for you. lots of people do this.

 

[Azraele]

Be patient, the right one for you is out there, you just have yet to meet her. Baffled2 is right, things happen for a reason.

Work on your "fidelity problems." A woman interested in a long term relationship will have to be able to trust you, or else she won't feel secure in the relationship.

You say you get bored easily. If you're getting bored, spice things up. You don't have to change partners to keep a relationship exciting.

You don't act as if you're ready to settle down. Think about it. Are you?