I'm in love with one of my roommates...

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
14,377
19
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This is really messed up. I live in a student co-op. I'm in a unit where 5 of us share a kitchen. 2 months ago a new girl moved in, and from the moment I met her she had me spellbound. We were flirting to the point where I thought she was interested. Then it came up that she had a boyfriend.

In any case, her boyfriend of 3 years broke up with her last week. She asked me the other day what it was like living with two people who were dating in the same multi-unit (a couple used to live in 2 of the rooms). I told her it was fine and didn't bother me. I don't know why she asked, but it sorta struck me as odd.

So...to make a long story short, I've gotten to know her and we have more in common than I've ever found in someone. She's gorgeous to boot, has a great personality, and is highly intelligent. BUT...and here's the problem...she has a date on Saturday. Not with her ex, with this friend of a friend who somehow got her number, called her, and I suppose they hit it off.

Such a complicated mess, and I'm stuck with my heart broken without much I can do about it. I'm TERRIFIED of telling her how I feel about her. I'm worried it will freak her out and it'll be really awkward living with her. I suppose there's nothing I can do now anyway...
 

Doggiedog

Lifer
Aug 17, 2000
12,780
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Don't look back on your life regretting "Why didn't I ask out my ex-roommate? She was so great."

Be a man and go for it.
 

dman

Diamond Member
Nov 2, 1999
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Well, you have 2 options:

1) Ask her out and
a) get denied
b) she agrees

2) Not ask her out

I guarantee you will regret #2 more than either outcome of option 1.


 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
14,377
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Originally posted by: Doggiedog
Don't look back on your life regretting "Why didn't I ask out my ex-roommate? She was so great."

Be a man and go for it.

Dude, she's got a date TOMORROW. She's been all exstatic about it, bouncing off the walls, going on and on about how good looking she thinks he is. I think my hands are pretty much tied. If I say anything to her it's just going to make things very strange around here for the next while, and probably confuse her.
 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
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Originally posted by: dman
Well, you have 2 options:

1) Ask her out and
a) get denied
b) she agrees

2) Not ask her out

I guarantee you will regret #2 more than either outcome of option 1.

So it's not off-limits to date someone you live with? What if things go south?
 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
14,377
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Originally posted by: dman
Worst case, You move.

True that. Housing is nearly impossible to find in this city tho, especially at this time of year. It would mean moving back home w/ my parents. :Q
 

dman

Diamond Member
Nov 2, 1999
9,110
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She might be hyping it up to see if you'll fight for her.

Even if not, worse case she says she's not interested in you that way. It'll be akward for a while, but, eventually you'll get over it, vs the other choice of doing nothing and wondering forever if you had said something to her if your life would be different.

 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
14,377
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Originally posted by: PatboyX
yeah, how long are you in that living situation?

It depends on where I land a job when I graduate in May. If I get a job here, I'll probably stay here 'till I have enough for a down-payment on a condo.
 

TheCorm

Diamond Member
Nov 5, 2000
4,326
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Yeah.....if you don't do anything....you're far more likely to regret it than if you do.

Not doing anything leaves you either no better off or with a strong regret.

Doing something will leave you with her or her turning you down and therefore you will be no better off.
 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
14,377
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I should have created a poll...so far it seems like everyone is saying to ask her out. For some reason I really don't feel comfortable doing that yet. Maybe I should just keep hinting at her and see if she finally nibbles back.
 

Ness

Diamond Member
Jul 10, 2002
5,407
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Originally posted by: SickBeast
I should have created a poll...so far it seems like everyone is saying to ask her out. For some reason I really don't feel comfortable doing that yet. Maybe I should just keep hinting at her and see if she finally nibbles back.

That's the dumbest thing in the world. Either she likes you, or she doesn't. There is one way to find out and the dumbest thing you can do is think that dragging it out will make her like you even more.

Sometimes when you obsess over something, the obsession itself becomes more vital than the fact that you actually wanted it. Don't let that happen.


HOWEVER... on the same token you'd be an ass to kill her good night with this guy... so because you are an IDIOT you should wait until after this date... and hope there isn't a second one. If you make a girl choose, then chances are it isn't going to be you.
 

txxxx

Golden Member
Feb 13, 2003
1,700
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Originally posted by: MisterJackson
You're in the friend zone dude!

Friend zone? I never did get that, I was friends with my current girlfriend for a few months, then I got the balls and made a move. Been a happy bunny since.

Not to say it will work out that way, but dont let this friend zone crap get in the way.
 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
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Originally posted by: dman
btw, yagt.org

Nice. AT Forums are my favourite spot to post on the 'net right now tho. Besides, I can't wait to be a diamond member. :)

OK, so wait till after this "date" tomorrow. You guys keep jumping on me for not making a move already. She just broke up last weekend. I figured she would need some time before jumping back into things...a 3 year relationship is pretty serious. I had no idea she'd be dating someone new 6 days after her last relationship ended. Ah well, c'est la vie.
 

Gulzakar

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,074
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You've entered what is called the "friend" zone. You've spoent too much time being her friend and not enough time being the hunter...you might be SOL.

you could try, thats for sure, but the longer you wait the harder it becomes. I did that once...a girl I wound up dating was dating a guy or two before I said "f%ck it" and made my move...I dated her for 8 months, then I dumped her, it was great! :)
 

SickBeast

Lifer
Jul 21, 2000
14,377
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Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
:camera: or BAN!

I don't have any pics of her. I suppose I could snap one of here with my digicam when she gets all dressed up tomorrow night...nice...use this bad situation to my advantage. :)
 

txxxx

Golden Member
Feb 13, 2003
1,700
0
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Oh btw chances are , just coming out a 3 year relationship, the current will just be fun or something like that.
She proberly wants a breather for now, and nothing too sudden serious.

Patience will be the key here.