I'm having a 1/4 life crisis and my father is having a 3/4 life crisis...

[Gunslinger08]

1. 29 is more like 1/3rd life crisis.
2. Don't blame stuff on depression. Get medicated/therapy and get on with your life. You are the only thing holding you back. Sounds like you have a reasonable head on your shoulders beyond that, so get a degree in something you enjoy and work hard at it. $65k savings and student loans will be more than enough to do anything you want, unless it's medicine or law. If you aren't interested in a white collar job, maybe become an apprentice in a trade.
3. Move out. Sounds like your parents situation is not helping your state of mind at all. Just rent an apartment. You'll probably find that depending on yourself improves your confidence and self-esteem.
4. I've never understood married couples that keep separate finances. You're making a commitment that's supposed to be lifelong. You share everything because you're basically 1 unit. It can only really lead to problems. If you can't trust a person enough to share money with, you shouldn't marry them.

 

[nanette1985]

I'm closer to your parents' age than yours. If they've been together this long and not killed each other, then their relationship is working on some level. Most old-people relationships end up being weird in some ways, life does that to you. Relax and don't worry about them. They can deal with their stuff by themselves. Try and let it slide off you, and don't let it get to you.

The time to worry would be when there is a sudden change in behavior, but it sounds like this stuff has been going on for a long time.

As for your life, I know how debilitating depression is - best to you and I hope you can work out some improvement.

And, enjoy Belize!

 

[ViviTheMage]

Doesn't sound that bad ... I am confused, your MAIN house? How many houses do your parents have ...

 

[ShawnD1]

Your parents have a weird relationship. Married their whole lives and still have completely separate finances? Odd.

Probably the easiest way to avoid fighting. If you share money, it will work exactly the same as when you and your brother tried sharing.... ANYTHING.
"You ate more than your share of the chocolates!"
"No, fuck you, I paid a larger share so I get more."
"You paid 60% of the cost then you ate 65% of the chocolates"
"That extra 5% was a gift to mom so that should count as coming from both of us."
"Yeah well I'm going to give myself gifts, from the both of us. What now?"

2. Don't blame stuff on depression. Get medicated/therapy and get on with your life.

Serious, this. Keep trying medications until you've exhausted every option. Even if it takes a decade to find the right one, that still means you'll have from age 40 to 80 to live without depression! :thumbsup:
Based on your own description of yourself, you should probably start with the stimulant ones.

 

[JS80]

wtf what toys is he spending all his money on? you sure it's not hookers?

 

[ShawnD1]

wtf what toys is he spending all his money on? you sure it's not hookers?

Rent a Dodge Neon.
Put a bunch of rocks in the trunk.
Drive from Vancouver (sea level) to Banff (town in the rocky mountains).
Tell the rental company their piece of shit car has a broken transmission.

Do this while high on cocaine.

 

[purbeast0]

im just surprised you think you are going to live to around 120 years old while you think your dad will only live a little more than 80.

 

[Zen0]

* 29yrs old still living at home with parents
* Suffer from life long depression and anxiety
* Never had a relationship, am a virgin etc..
* Have 1/4 of a degree but dropped out of university multiple times due to #2 above.
* Been working retail jobs the last 5 or 6 years
* The only positive to the above is I do have some savings from my time working (about 65k).

Don't really care about your parents, sorry - but you:

1) Why do you live with your parents when you have savings? You can't properly grow up and socialize without your own place to manage and screw around in.

A cheap Studio is good, even better get a nicer place with some roommates and you may even make a good friend or two in the process.

2) Why are you depressed or anxious? Were you abused? You are not gay? Do you have a very small penis? If you have no legitimate excuse, you are only depressed or anxious because your own psyche is weak, your own personality is untempered, and your own hopes and ambitions for life non-existent.

Drugs are fake. They do not give you real contentment and certainly not real happiness.

3) Online dating/hookups - free blowjob. Voila. You'll have to work on a relationship, they aren't as awesome as they're all cracked up to be unless you are both madly in love with each other.

4) Man the fuck up, people have had to work 40 hours a week just to get through college part time. No one else will help get through life but yourself.

Stop feeling sorry for your own situation and make the best of it. Or just stay where you are for the rest of your life so you are less competition for others, because you are clearly not fit to amount to anything in life right?

 

[ShawnD1]

Drugs are fake. They do not give you real contentment and certainly not real happiness.

lol. Tell a schizophrenic person to stop taking their meds and see what happens. Believe it or not, drugs actually do things. Bipolar people have a really nasty habit of killing themselves when they go off meds. Some people start posting in AT P&N when they go off meds.

 

[Zen0]

lol. Tell a schizophrenic person to stop taking their meds and see what happens. Believe it or not, drugs actually do things. Bipolar people have a really nasty habit of killing themselves when they go off meds. Some people start posting in AT P&N when they go off meds.

Meds do something when there is something seriously fucking wrong with you to begin with. If you're just boo hoo hoo my life sucks, well welcome to this thing called life! It gets solved in 1 of two ways, with a bullet or when you get off your ass to do something about it.

Now sometimes I wonder if drugs are an option for the boo hoo hoo I'm an African living with AIDS, well... maybe, because their life actually does really suck, as opposed to the OP where it only ACTUALLY sucks in his head.

Honestly, I think some people are only depressed because they are so stupid. Like literally, lacking in IQ.

 

[Lamont Burns]

hit the gym

 

[McWatt]

Average your crises out to a 1/2 life crisis, tweak the name and produce a Half Life Crysis crossover mod.

 

[BeauJangles]

Don't really care about your parents, sorry - but you:

1) Why do you live with your parents when you have savings? You can't properly grow up and socialize without your own place to manage and screw around in.

A cheap Studio is good, even better get a nicer place with some roommates and you may even make a good friend or two in the process.

Agreed on that count.

2) Why are you depressed or anxious? Were you abused? You are not gay? Do you have a very small penis? If you have no legitimate excuse, you are only depressed or anxious because your own psyche is weak, your own personality is untempered, and your own hopes and ambitions for life non-existent.

Drugs are fake. They do not give you real contentment and certainly not real happiness.

Wow, this is terrible advice. Anti-anxiety medications aren't supposed to "give you real happiness," they're supposed to help you manage your anxiety, which is crippling your ability to have "real happiness."

OP, go see a good psychiatrist and start talking. Just see what comes up. You've got nothing to lose.

3) Online dating/hookups - free blowjob. Voila. You'll have to work on a relationship, they aren't as awesome as they're all cracked up to be unless you are both madly in love with each other.

Again, terrible advice. Getting out of a rut like this involves coming to understand why you're in that rut. Everything we do, we have a reason to do, even if it looks foolish or stupid to an outsider or feels stupid to us. Coming to understand that reason, whatever it may be, is critical to moving forward in your life. The OP needs to focus on himself, not free blowjobs.

4) Man the fuck up, people have had to work 40 hours a week just to get through college part time. No one else will help get through life but yourself.

Stop feeling sorry for your own situation and make the best of it. Or just stay where you are for the rest of your life so you are less competition for others, because you are clearly not fit to amount to anything in life right?

Again "Manning up" would be coming to terms with the underlying reasons which drive you to stay at home and not advance your life. That is a lot scarier than trying to pretend it's not there.

 

[ShawnD1]

Meds do something when there is something seriously fucking wrong with you to begin with. If you're just boo hoo hoo my life sucks, well welcome to this thing called life! It gets solved in 1 of two ways, with a bullet or when you get off your ass to do something about it.

It's ironic you say that since most people who kill themselves are depressed. The not-depressed ones are people who have cancer or ALS and just want it to end.

Honestly, I think some people are only depressed because they are so stupid. Like literally, lacking in IQ.

Actually it's the other way around. People tend to be more depressed when they are more intelligent. This has been confirmed in study after study, year after year. There are several reasons for this. One is an effect called Depressive Realism. This is when people are smart enough to understand their own limitations and how statistics work. A good example of this is lottery tickets. A dumb ass who doesn't understand math will buy 50 tickets and think he has a good chance of winning. He's optimistic because he doesn't understand the odds, or if he does, he doesn't think the odds apply to him. A smarter person has a more realistic view of it - lottery tickets are a waste of time because there's almost no chance of winning.
This applies to almost every part of life. A stupid person will have a big smile on their face because they managed to save $300,000 and they're going to retire tomorrow. A smart person would cry if he only had $300,000 because he realizes that's only ~6 years worth of income but he plans to live for another 15-20 years and there's no way 300k will last that long.
Stupid people get really excited over politicians like Obama because they think this is it. This guy is different! Smarter people know that's not true, it never has been true, this guy is the same shit as all the others and there's no reason to get excited about him.

There are a lot of other factors as well.

 

[Krazy4Real]

One night of hookers and blow won't kill you. Do it.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Well the term <insert percentage here> crisis doesn't usually refer to a real physical crisis so much as a mental one.

cri·sis/&#712;kr&#299;sis/Noun
1. A time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger.
2. A time when a difficult or important decision must be made: "a crisis point of history".

That's regardless of whether it's physical or mental. Your situation sounds more like a constant downward spiral . . . internet pissing contest aside, it sounds like you have the wherewithal to recognize your situation and financially/socially have the means to do so, and I'm sure your parents will be happy that you're moving on/attempting to improve your life. Who knows, you might just love it!

Of course, if I was single and had the means, I'd just take a road-trip around the country before moving out, but that's just me.

 

[ShawnD1]

One night of hookers and blow won't kill you. Do it.

If I had 9 lives, I would take you up on that challenge.
/heart attack


btw, people telling the OP to exercise is good advice, and research strongly supports it.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2007/09/19/us-exercise-depression-idUSCOL96941220070919

(Reuters Health) - Regular exercise may work as well as medication in improving symptoms of major depression, researchers have found.

In a study of 202 depressed adults, investigators found that those who went through group-based exercise therapy did as well as those treated with an antidepressant drug. A third group that performed home-based exercise also improved, though to a lesser degree.

Importantly, the researchers found, all three groups did better than a fourth group given a placebo -- an inactive pill identical to the antidepressant.
...
After 16 weeks, the patients completed standard measures of depression symptoms.

By the end of the study, Blumenthal's team found, 47 percent of patients on the antidepressant no longer met the criteria for major depression. The same was true of 45 percent of those in the supervised exercise group.

-exercise works better than doing nothing
-drugs were more effective than exercise

Could always try combining the two. Similar to drinking a big delicious starbucks coffee before having sex or mixing cocaine with hookers, drugs and exercise are great when mixed. Maybe try mixing coffee with cocaine and exercise. That would be AWESOME.

 

[Schadenfreude]

. . .
Maybe try mixing coffee with cocaine and exercise. That would be AWESOME.

If I had 9 lives, I would take you up on that challenge.
/heart attack

 

[Locut0s]

Thanks for the support ATOT. I means a lot, seriously. I definitely do need to make some changes.

 

[Mike Gayner]

2) Why are you depressed or anxious? Were you abused? You are not gay? Do you have a very small penis? If you have no legitimate excuse, you are only depressed or anxious because your own psyche is weak, your own personality is untempered, and your own hopes and ambitions for life non-existent.

Drugs are fake. They do not give you real contentment and certainly not real happiness.

Wow, epic misunderstanding of depression. You are officially the stupidest person on the forum. You aren't a scientologist, are you? Because that's exactly what they would say.

 

[Svnla]

Darn, OP, you are almost 30 and still live with parents and no degree? When I was your age, I got my graduate degree (on my own dime and zero from parents) and has been on my own for several years. Not braggin at all, just stating the facts.

Can you do something about that anxiety syndrom? Can't be just that to hold you down all these years.

Do you have any siblings? From your posts, I don't remember you mentioned any sis or bro.

You can't control of what your parents do (BTW, they are not going to live forever, so you will be on your own eventually - like it or not) but at least take control of your destiny/future.

 

[Locut0s]

Wow, epic misunderstanding of depression. You are officially the stupidest person on the forum. You aren't a scientologist, are you? Because that's exactly what they would say.

Meh. Some people just don't understand depression either because they are ignorant of it or because it goes against their extreme conservative world view.

 

[ShawnD1]

Darn, OP, you are almost 30 and still live with parents and no degree? When I was your age, I got my graduate degree (on my own dime and zero from parents) and has been on my own for several years. Not braggin at all, just stating the facts.

To be fair, he lives in Vancouver. Renting a piece of shit 0 bedroom studio apartment in the drug addict side of town would still cost $30,000 per year.
I wouldn't be in a hurry to move out either. I'd be practicing law or medicine from my parents basement :awe:

Can you do something about that anxiety syndrom? Can't be just that to hold you down all these years.

That can absolutely hold people down for decades. That doesn't mean it's hopeless. That just means he needs some medication and exercise and maybe therapy. IMO the therapy part is bullshit because brain illness is similar to heart illness or kidney illness. You don't go to a therapist to treat your diabetes do you? Of course not. You just take drugs and try to stay on top of any problems related to it.

Seriously bro, get some medication and finish your engineering degree.

 

[Locut0s]

To be fair, he lives in Vancouver. Renting a piece of shit 0 bedroom studio apartment in the drug addict side of town would still cost $30,000 per year.
I wouldn't be in a hurry to move out either. I'd be practicing law or medicine from my parents basement :awe:



That can absolutely hold people down for decades. That doesn't mean it's hopeless. That just means he needs some medication and exercise and maybe therapy. IMO the therapy part is bullshit because brain illness is similar to heart illness or kidney illness. You don't go to a therapist to treat your diabetes do you? Of course not. You just take drugs and try to stay on top of any problems related to it.

Seriously bro, get some medication and finish your engineering degree.

Most studies out there show that the best solutions are usually a mix of meds and therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be quite effective for example. One has to really be in the right mindset for it to work though. And knowing as I do about the specific techniques uses can be counterproductive.

I am thinking of looking into changing my meds as they seem to have lost some of their effectiveness. Not uncommon for this to happen.

 

[BeauJangles]

Most studies out there show that the best solutions are usually a mix of meds and therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be quite effective for example. One has to really be in the right mindset for it to work though. And knowing as I do about the specific techniques uses can be counterproductive.

I am thinking of looking into changing my meds as they seem to have lost some of their effectiveness. Not uncommon for this to happen.

Are you in any sort of therapy?