I'm going full Creepy Uncle for the next while

[Mayne]

I'm taking advantage of wearing sunglasses inside and I don't care anymore if I'm the cool Uncle Jimmy. My nieces friends are just too damn hot to care anymore.

I just wish they would stop calling me Uncle Jimmy though. I told my niece and she's not happy about it..but at least she's prepared for all the inappropriate shit thats gonna come out of my mouth the next few weeks.

 

[Ns1]

i love mayne threads.

 

[Mayne]

Already have some button up shirts I'm gonna wear next week. top three buttons are missing so I get to fully expose my chest.

took a bic lighter to the 5 chest hairs I have. I don't want to completely creep them out.

 

[nakedfrog]

Papa Jimmy is probably a step up the creepy ladder from Uncle, not down. Just FYI.

 

[Mayne]

I'm thinking of having some sort of sex sound track playing really loud from my bedroom. that will be funny.

 

[Ruptga]

Good ideas all around.

 

[nakedfrog]

I'm thinking of having some sort of sex sound track playing really loud from my bedroom. that will be funny.

Define "sex sound track"? Like, just a porno?

 

[Mayne]

Define "sex sound track"? Like, just a porno?

exactly like a porno. They want to karoake all night to shit songs..I can play stuff too.

 

[Ruptga]

exactly like a porno. They want to karoake all night to shit songs..I can play stuff too.

No no, that's amateur shit. Put on a fuzzy robe, tiger striped of course, and hang out on the couch with a big tequila sunrise and your sunglasses while listening to Mark Farina. Be doing that from before they even arrive to when they leave, unless the tequila has knocked you off the couch by then.

 

[Mayne]

No no, that's amateur shit. Put on a fuzzy robe, tiger striped of course, and hang out on the couch with a big tequila sunrise and your sunglasses while listening to Mark Farina. Be doing that from before they even arrive to when they leave, unless the tequila has knocked you off the couch by then.

you got me thinking now.

 

[blackangst1]

You have yet to provide pics

 

[Carson Dyle]

For a couple of years (until she moved away) I was good friends with a really cute little blonde who is 20+ years younger than me. We'd meet up at one of our local bars and hangout often. Guys would always come up and hit on her, look at me and ask if we were together. I'd say "Nah. I'm just her creepy uncle."

 

[BudAshes]

You have yet to provide pics

I don't think they have that kind of technology north of the border yet. Hard to take a picture when you can't take off your mittens. Maybe he can sketch you a picture.

 

[tynopik]

You're Uncle Creepy? I never would have guessed

 

[Pulsar]

Make sure you have bananas on the counter for them to eat. Stare at them when they eat them.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Definitely add this one to your creepy uncle playlist:

 

[cbrunny]

Play guitar hero in the living room wearing nothing but tighty whities. Don't shower or shave. Claim you have excellent smelling breath.

 

[Mai72]

When your cute nieces friends come over make sure you are wearing nothing but a towel. Then, you walk into the room, say "hot tub anyone?"

 

[Darwin333]

No no, that's amateur shit. Put on a fuzzy robe, tiger striped of course, and hang out on the couch with a big tequila sunrise and your sunglasses while listening to Mark Farina. Be doing that from before they even arrive to when they leave, unless the tequila has knocked you off the couch by then.

Also don't wear any underwear and at some point have your robe accidentally open briefly. The timing of how long it's open is critical, too long and you're flashing but just right and it's just an innocent mishap.

Also have a bottle of tequila sunrise and some other girly drinks (wine coolers maybe?) conspicuously left out in the open. I assume they aren't old enough to drink but if you just tell them how tequila sunrise tastes like chocolate milk but don't actually offer it to them you should be in the clear. If they get a bit tipsy you might get to see them have a pillow fight in their undies.

Make sure you have bananas on the counter for them to eat. Stare at them when they eat them.

And this.

 

[Carson Dyle]

Dear Penthouse Letters,

Last week my 18 year old niece and two of her college friends spent four days at my home after a fire forced them out of their sorority. Let me tell you, what happened in those four days still has me...

 

[Mayne]

There is still hope for me guys. Sister just brought home her hot waitress friends. I swear to god one is a mini-megan fox and the other is pretty nice. late 30's early 40's.

 

[Darwin333]

And yet despite your sister literally trying to throw hot poon at you at best your night will end with you masturbating into a sock...

 

[Carson Dyle]

Whoa. I was just looking up someone from the local news and found them on twitter. Talk about your creepy uncles...

I have a smaller couch. My niece and I have a date for cheese pizza tomorrow. Nice.

 

[angminas]

Mayne, you always manage to make me feel better about myself. Thanks.

 

[WelshBloke]

Mayne, you always manage to make me feel better about myself. Thanks.

Funnily enough he makes me feel worse about the human race.