if you're white, would you date a girl who has dated a black man?

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Bumrush99

Diamond Member
Jun 14, 2004
3,334
194
106
Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow this thread amazes me by how much ignorance is on this board sometimes. it is just ignorant to not date someone because of them dating a black person before in the past. and its just that, the past. its not like she went out and had an orgy with 10 black guys (not that color matters even in that statement), or went out and murdered a family, she simply dated someone of a different race (pending she isn't even black to begin with).

OMG OH NO!! SHE DATED SOMEONE WHOS BLACK!! QUICK DIAL 911!!

i feel sorry for the people who are so sheltered that something like that would bother them. i am white and have only had 2 serious girlfriends, and one was mixed (half jamaican, half russian) and my current one is nicaraguan. the only thing i have done with white girls is hook up a few times, never even had sex with any white girls (almost did when i was really drunk but passed it up). again, i feel sorry for the people whom have this problem because it truly is being very ignorant and means you are a racist. this isn't even the same line as liking only certain races (as far as tastes in girls), this goes beyond that.

I think you are being too hard on him.. He is simply stating his NATURAL reaction to a situation. True racism, at least to me, involves hate towards another group. Armitron can not change what his natural reaction is when a certain situation presents itself. That reaction is a result of his life experiences, his prejudices his insecurities, not ours. At least he is man enough to admit this, perhaps one day he will learn that race is irrelevent, that we are all essentially the same.. But again, as some of the black posters here pointed out, there are other influences, such as the media that negitively effect our view of minorities.
 

PingSpike

Lifer
Feb 25, 2004
21,747
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Originally posted by: armatron
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: Fausto
Originally posted by: armatron
this is a serious poll. I always considered myself not racist... I don't (or try not to) judge people when I meet them, etc etc... but there's this girl who I found out date(d) a black guy... and for some reason I was immediately turned off by it...
Flamebait much?
/end thread

neither of you really have ever liked me. that's fine. I'm not racist, I don't judge people based on skin color/looks, and I can't help my natural feelings about this girl. Sorry for trying to figure out to possibly get over whatever barrier I have with it and the situation.


If anyone is building racial barriers, it's people based like you. People who make people with problems want to not even mention them.

Agreed. I fail to see how society is to ever overcome these issues if we refuse to talk about them in a frank and civilized manner, instead just sticking our fingers in our ears and yelling "racist".

I'm not sure I agree with your opinion (I voted yes on the poll) but at least you have a measure of self reflection to question why you feel that way.
 

Arkitech

Diamond Member
Apr 13, 2000
8,356
3
76
Originally posted by: AStar617
Originally posted by: Bumrush99
Originally posted by: armatron
Originally posted by: AStar617
Armatron, I feel what you're saying and I'm not so quick to brand a big red "R" on you... but here's my question:

What would have happened if you heard she had dated a well-educated, well-groomed, well- traveled, and well-employed black man, and not the stereotypical MTV portrayal of one? Speaking honestly, would this have changed your opinion? If so, then you need to be careful with the phrasing of your questions because it does make you come across as prejudicial in your thought process (not that we all aren't to some degree, but you know how things work in this PC world). If not, then of course there is some glaring prejudice which you are entitled to but you will most definitely catch bullshit for, particularly on a public forum.

Thats my $0.02, from the well-educated, well-groomed, well- traveled, and well-employed black man's perspective ;)



honestly? I wish it would have, but it's not about the type of person. It's not even like I thought about it, and decided I didn't like her. The attraction just left.


It wasn't about me judging who she dated. It was almost as though I looked her as a black female.. which simply I am not attracted to. It's not a racist thing, it's not different than if I wasn't attracted to girls with blonde hair..

White American society tends to look down on women that date black men.. While I don't agree with it, it is very common to hear snide remarks when you see a black man walking around with a white women. I can only imagine how many black men were lynched in the deep south who were accused of rape when they had consentual sex with a white women. These issues were more apparent during the Jim Crow era, but to think that we live in a society that is color blind is foolish. Their is stigma attached to interracial couples, like it or not. In my travels through Europe and other countries it seems a lot more acceptable, but in the US it is still something that is looked down upon by many whites. At the same time, I suspect that many black people, especially women, feel the same way when they see a black man dating a white women, so it works both ways.
My personal belief is that though some sideways comments (read: one-liner jokes) might be thrown regarding a situation like that, I doubt most black men would refuse to go out with a black woman who had been with a white man solely because of that fact.

Again this raises the variable of whether or not the subject in any of these examples had a legitimate shot at the female in the first place. Just like how the age-old addage teaches us the difference between a whore and a bitch--one sleeps with everyone, the other sleeps with everyone but you... ;) Of course this doesn't appear to be the case with Armatron, at least not as he tells it.


Just out of curiosity from one black guy to another, when you hear about things like this how does it affect you if at all? I have a friend who used to date around a lot and he had girlfriends from different racial backgrounds. To make a long story short I guess he had been confronted several times about being a black guy dating an asian or white girl and now he's almost militant. I don't think he's a full blown racist but he's definitely very cautious around people of different cultures. Personally I get kind of depressed over issues like these, I work hard at trying to be ubiased towards others. So it hurts to be summed up and judged before a person even knows my name.

 

PlatinumGold

Lifer
Aug 11, 2000
23,168
0
71
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
It is quite one thing to be racist and proud of it, and another to become aware of feelings and question them. People get into situations they have not before and suddenly find they believe/act differently than they expect. They learn things about themselves and it's not always good. Perhaps it is foolish to post them here, but then again why does it matter if he does?

It isn't about what he feels, but about what he does about it. People can mature or not. If examines his feelings and overcomes them, then he has grown. If he chooses not to, then have at him.

why? why should he try to force himself to have romantic feelings about someone he doesn't?

if we take everything he said in his OP at face value, he has already stated that he has no problems working with and under black people. he has friends that are black. those are conscious decisions he makes. why do you also have to FORCE him to have romantic feelings for this girl?

 

JackStorm

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,216
1
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Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
It isn't about what he feels, but about what he does about it. People can mature or not. If examines his feelings and overcomes them, then he has grown. If he chooses not to, then have at him.

Yeah, he doesn't come off as someone who wants to be a racist. So if he only acknowledges that he has some issues to work out, he shouldn't turn out that bad.
 

JackStorm

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,216
1
0
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
why? why should he try to force himself to have romantic feelings about someone he doesn't?

if we take everything he said in his OP at face value, he has already stated that he has no problems working with and under black people. he has friends that are black. those are conscious decisions he makes. why do you also have to FORCE him to have romantic feelings for this girl?

I don't think he ment he should force himself to like the girl. Just acknowledge that he has some issues (Racial bias) to work on.

Edit: Keep in mind he said he was interested in the girl until he heard she had dated a black guy.
 

Ilmater

Diamond Member
Jun 13, 2002
7,516
1
0
Originally posted by: CTrain
Personally I wouldn't and it has occur twice for me.

My buddy's cousin, she a really pretty girl but we tend to make fun of her because she dates mostly black guys.
One night, we were out drinking and afterward she invited me to crash at her place, I declined. Insercurity on my part I guess.

Also, this employee of mine, her roomate was this cute Asian girl.
She had set us up for a date and everything and when I found out her ex was black, I never went on that date.

Not a racist, just a preference. Its like me chosing not to date an ugly girl.
Wow... just... wow.

Before I give an opinion, let me start off by giving some background. I have had arguments with black people about "Black History Month" being ridiculous, and I LOVE racist jokes, no matter which ethnicity they're aimed at.

That being said, if you don't know that you're AT LEAST a bigot, you're kidding yourself. If you don't think so, then just ask yourself, "What is it about black men that I find so disgusting I won't even date a woman that's been with one?" There's OBVIOUSLY one or two stereotypes that you have in your head that have convinced you that black men are "unclean" in some way. Once you figure out what that is, you'll realize how much of a bigot you are.
 

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
2
0
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
ain't that the truth. my roommate in grad school was a black guy. he married a chinese girl. man the black girls at the school hated his fiance (at the time, later his wife).

My wife (black) has gotten some grief from people she knows for marrying me (white). I've gotten grief from some of the people my wife knows for marrying me. I've gotten grief from my own family for marrying my wife. My wife got grief from some of her family for marrying me. I never got any grief from my circle of friends but I did get some from people I don't consider friends.

Since we've been married and had a child (with another on the way) we haven't really gotten any grief. Which is all good. Though, my favorite experience was walking into a McDonald's holding hands on our way to Orlando one time and this ~6-year old black girl looked us up and down and said "Oh, hell no!" LMAO

As to the original poster, he has his own set of prejudices and bigotry. That is fine as long as he isn't out pushing racist opinions or being generally rude and inconsiderate to others because of their skin color. I don't agree with how he feels because he pretty much just made a blanket assumption which is one of the (IMO) worse kind to make.
 

Pepsei

Lifer
Dec 14, 2001
12,895
1
0
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Originally posted by: Koing
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

as i'm married with 3 kids, the answer is no.

i was given many opportunities in college to date white women, i always turned them down. i have always had many female friends of all races, but to me dating = courtship. i wasn't one to date just for fun.

I see. Fair enough.

I know the hassle of dating girls of other races and how it is just 'easier' to date girls of the same race/ background.

I guess I was too strong with my words...

But this sums it up well imo.

Originally posted by: JackStorm
Too be honest. He has some 'racist tendencies'. However, that doesn't mean he's a full blown racist. It's quite possible to have racist tendencies without it developing into racism. He's already told us that he doesn't go around thinking that black people, for a lack of a better word 'suck'. So without over-analyzing his behavior. I'd just say he has 'racist tendencies' that are unlikely to develop into full bown racism unless he begins to actively 'dislike' or even 'hate' black people.

Koing

:)

cool. many people have considered me racist because i wouldn't date white women, but if i was such a racist why was i friends with them? marriage to me is a one time deal. it's hard enough to make things work in a marriage, why marry someone you know you have very different values, culture and language with?[/quote]


What ever floats you boat then... but I do see a difference between you and him, would you not data an Asian girl because her ex was white or black?

my wife is white, and I don't have a culture or language problem with her. She would actually eat some hardcore stuff (like fresh water river eel) that I wouldn't touch when we took a vacation in Taiwan. She learned to speak a lot of chinese words while we were there too.
 

Arkitech

Diamond Member
Apr 13, 2000
8,356
3
76
Originally posted by: PingSpike
Originally posted by: Arkitech
I think the only way we as humans are going to be able to get pasts our differences with people of other races is to confront our issues and concerns. On the one hand I applaud the OP for being honest enough to admit to himself that he has a problem but on the other hand as a black guy I still feel a bit offended. After all black men are still people too, we have feelings and emotions just like everyone else. So to find out that come guys would'nt date a girl because she dated a black man in the past does'nt really help out in the self esteem department.

I could be wrong but I think the way to get past issues like these is to try to bond or really get to know someone from whatever race you might have a problem with. You may find that whatever differences you thought were there are very small. Take myself for example, just to look at me I would automatically be categorized as the big black guy. In the past I've had coworkers and associates kind of shun me because of what kind of person they thought I would be based on appearance, but after getting to know me they learn I'm not what they would expect.

I guess the media is partially at fault, most images of black men are not that favorable. And it does'nt help when rappers sell the image of thugs and pimps. And while its true that some black guys really are some of those things, it does'nt apply to every black guy. My friends and I were never involved in gangs, illegal activities, etc.. In fact we were more interested in the next role playing game to hit the PC rather than trying to look tough on a street corner. But these are things you would never know if you just assume that all people are one particular way.

I know I'm probably rambling in this reply, so I'll end with this last thought. For every person who may have an issue with peopel of another race, whether its black, white, spanish, indian or whatever. Try to get to really know someone from that race because in the end people are people. We all share the same type of feelings and goals, we all are just looking for a little peace and happiness when its all said and done.

To play devil's advocate here: (I'm sure I'll be flamed excessively)

When you approach a lion in the jungle, do you:

A) Assume the lion is vicious and can hurt you.
B) Assume its a loose tame lion and would like to be pet.

Both *are* possible. However, there's about a %99.9 chance that the situation is A. Should you give the lion the benefit of the doubt?

Enter stereotypes. They are a dirty word in our society, but they are really a base defense mechanism. When presented with a situation that we do not have sufficient information on, we go back to a set of base assumptions in order to allow us to proceed in a hopefully correct fashion. We make an educated guess. If we put a gum drop polish on every situation we encountered, we'd quickly die.

Now unfortunately this gives rise to racism, because some people do not allow new information to override their assumptions. But thats flawed judgement and of course those people are going to have problems. But as you point out Arkitech, black men are not exactly presented very favorably in the media.

It sucks. But I'd be lying if I said when I was walking around downtown and a couple of large black guys walk by I don't view them with a bit of suspicion. I wish it wasn't that way, but its a gut instinct. (To be fair...I pretty much view any large guy decked out in gansta garb with a bit of suspicion, there are far more white ones than black around here) At the same time, I know a big black guy from college and he's about the nicest guy I've ever met.

Sorry if I offend, it was not my intention.

I understand the point you're trying to make but I think you may be missing my point. Its one thing to judge a person by their clothing but another to judge by their skin. Hell I even judge people at times based on their clothing, if I see a group of guys dressed in oversized sports jerseys, baggy jeans and hats tilted to the side then I of course make a judgement based on their clothing. Buts its another thing to just assume a person is a thug only because of their physical size or color. Like I mentioned before I used to and still do encounter this problem at times and I typically choose to wear claiborne/hugo boss slacks and kenneth cole shoes. (I'm kind of a gq type guy :D)

 

Arkitech

Diamond Member
Apr 13, 2000
8,356
3
76
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
It is quite one thing to be racist and proud of it, and another to become aware of feelings and question them. People get into situations they have not before and suddenly find they believe/act differently than they expect. They learn things about themselves and it's not always good. Perhaps it is foolish to post them here, but then again why does it matter if he does?

It isn't about what he feels, but about what he does about it. People can mature or not. If examines his feelings and overcomes them, then he has grown. If he chooses not to, then have at him.

good observation
 

purbeast0

No Lifer
Sep 13, 2001
53,006
5,892
126
Originally posted by: Bumrush99
Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow this thread amazes me by how much ignorance is on this board sometimes. it is just ignorant to not date someone because of them dating a black person before in the past. and its just that, the past. its not like she went out and had an orgy with 10 black guys (not that color matters even in that statement), or went out and murdered a family, she simply dated someone of a different race (pending she isn't even black to begin with).

OMG OH NO!! SHE DATED SOMEONE WHOS BLACK!! QUICK DIAL 911!!

i feel sorry for the people who are so sheltered that something like that would bother them. i am white and have only had 2 serious girlfriends, and one was mixed (half jamaican, half russian) and my current one is nicaraguan. the only thing i have done with white girls is hook up a few times, never even had sex with any white girls (almost did when i was really drunk but passed it up). again, i feel sorry for the people whom have this problem because it truly is being very ignorant and means you are a racist. this isn't even the same line as liking only certain races (as far as tastes in girls), this goes beyond that.

I think you are being too hard on him.. He is simply stating his NATURAL reaction to a situation. True racism, at least to me, involves hate towards another group. Armitron can not change what his natural reaction is when a certain situation presents itself. That reaction is a result of his life experiences, his prejudices his insecurities, not ours. At least he is man enough to admit this, perhaps one day he will learn that race is irrelevent, that we are all essentially the same.. But again, as some of the black posters here pointed out, there are other influences, such as the media that negitively effect our view of minorities.

okay okay i agree i was a bit too harsh, as i posted before reading through the thread. i see now more that it was a more subconscious type of deal and that he's not a true racist.

as that other guy said, i think he has a racial tendency in this fashion.

EDIT: it's just that i have also been in 2 interratial relationships (and am currently still in one of them) and i have seen what its like, and i just really hate people putting boundaries due to race. being with a black girl (again, i'm white) was harder than being with a spanish girl. by harder, i mean its harder going out in public without getting dirty looks. my black GF went to cornell where we would go to minority frat parties, and i would get the nastiest looks there. trust me, the majority of black guys hate seeing a white guy with a black girl. seems that being with a spanish girl is more accepted by society. i guess its cause the skin tone difference isn't as drastic.
 

Koing

Elite Member <br> Super Moderator<br> Health and F
Oct 11, 2000
16,843
2
0
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
cool. many people have considered me racist because i wouldn't date white women, but if i was such a racist why was i friends with them? marriage to me is a one time deal. it's hard enough to make things work in a marriage, why marry someone you know you have very different values, culture and language with?

Yeah marriage is a one time thing for me also. You can find white girls with the same values also. I saw this program about this white girl who spoke hindu and sang/ dance etc like a normal 'Indian' girl. It's cool when you meet people who can speak your language that are a totally different skin colour. We have this white guy on committee at the Chinese society at my college. Pretty cool how he can speak Chinese fluently imo :) very flash.

Koing
 

JackStorm

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,216
1
0
Originally posted by: Queasy
As to the original poster, he has his own set of prejudices and bigotry. That is fine as long as he isn't out pushing racist opinions or being generally rude and inconsiderate to others because of their skin color. I don't agree with how he feels because he pretty much just made a blanket assumption which is one of the (IMO) worse kind to make.

Agreed.
 

Hayabusa Rider

Admin Emeritus & Elite Member
Jan 26, 2000
50,879
4,266
126
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
It is quite one thing to be racist and proud of it, and another to become aware of feelings and question them. People get into situations they have not before and suddenly find they believe/act differently than they expect. They learn things about themselves and it's not always good. Perhaps it is foolish to post them here, but then again why does it matter if he does?

It isn't about what he feels, but about what he does about it. People can mature or not. If examines his feelings and overcomes them, then he has grown. If he chooses not to, then have at him.

why? why should he try to force himself to have romantic feelings about someone he doesn't?

if we take everything he said in his OP at face value, he has already stated that he has no problems working with and under black people. he has friends that are black. those are conscious decisions he makes. why do you also have to FORCE him to have romantic feelings for this girl?

I am not forcing him. My last line was not clear. I should have omitted it or stated it as "If he doesn't want to date her because he really doesn't like black people, then have at him"

Better?

Edit: It isn't about forcing someone to have feelings. It's about examining the ones they already have.
 

Kelemvor

Lifer
May 23, 2002
16,928
8
81
It all depend son your reasons. I'm not racist but I can choose not to date someone of a different race. I don't treat them any differently in normal circumstances (work, public, whatever) but who you choose to date doesn't make you a racist. However, the point brought up by the OP is different. If you choose not to date someone just because they dated someone who was a different race, then there's something wrong. It's not like the person has been physically altered because she dated someone of a different race so what does it matter?

Now of course you could add a whole new level and say she got some disease from the other person or something which would be something I could understand. But just because someone dates someone from another race doesn't mean they are any different than they were before they did that or different than they'd be if they had never done it.

Kind of a grey line when you're talking about the person of the other race being a relation of a relation type thing.
 

PlatinumGold

Lifer
Aug 11, 2000
23,168
0
71
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
It is quite one thing to be racist and proud of it, and another to become aware of feelings and question them. People get into situations they have not before and suddenly find they believe/act differently than they expect. They learn things about themselves and it's not always good. Perhaps it is foolish to post them here, but then again why does it matter if he does?

It isn't about what he feels, but about what he does about it. People can mature or not. If examines his feelings and overcomes them, then he has grown. If he chooses not to, then have at him.

why? why should he try to force himself to have romantic feelings about someone he doesn't?

if we take everything he said in his OP at face value, he has already stated that he has no problems working with and under black people. he has friends that are black. those are conscious decisions he makes. why do you also have to FORCE him to have romantic feelings for this girl?

I am not forcing him. My last line was not clear. I should have omitted it or stated it as "If he doesn't want to date her because he really doesn't like black people, then have at him"

Better?

i disagree. he said his romantic feelings for her went away because he found out she had dated a black guy in the past.

so now, not only do we have political correctness but we also have to dictate peoples romantic feelings?
 

Arkitech

Diamond Member
Apr 13, 2000
8,356
3
76
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
It is quite one thing to be racist and proud of it, and another to become aware of feelings and question them. People get into situations they have not before and suddenly find they believe/act differently than they expect. They learn things about themselves and it's not always good. Perhaps it is foolish to post them here, but then again why does it matter if he does?

It isn't about what he feels, but about what he does about it. People can mature or not. If examines his feelings and overcomes them, then he has grown. If he chooses not to, then have at him.

why? why should he try to force himself to have romantic feelings about someone he doesn't?

if we take everything he said in his OP at face value, he has already stated that he has no problems working with and under black people. he has friends that are black. those are conscious decisions he makes. why do you also have to FORCE him to have romantic feelings for this girl?

I am not forcing him. My last line was not clear. I should have omitted it or stated it as "If he doesn't want to date her because he really doesn't like black people, then have at him"

Better?

i disagree. he said his romantic feelings for her went away because he found out she had dated a black guy in the past.

so now, not only do we have political correctness but we also have to dictate peoples romantic feelings?


Dude you're just being difficult, there's a clear difference between dictating someone's romantic feelings and calling someone out over a racial bias.
 

PingSpike

Lifer
Feb 25, 2004
21,747
579
126
Originally posted by: Arkitech

<snip>

I understand the point you're trying to make but I think you may be missing my point. Its one thing to judge a person by their clothing but another to judge by their skin. Hell I even judge people at times based on their clothing, if I see a group of guys dressed in oversized sports jerseys, baggy jeans and hats tilted to the side then I of course make a judgement based on their clothing. Buts its another thing to just assume a person is a thug only because of their physical size or color. Like I mentioned before I used to and still do encounter this problem at times and I typically choose to wear claiborne/hugo boss slacks and kenneth cole shoes. (I'm kind of a gq type guy :D)

People are going to be a little nervous around big guys, of any color...when they don't know them. Or at least, I know I am. Although, I doubt I would view you with suspicion if I saw you on the street dressed as you describe...no more than any other large guy I ran into anyway. I guess maybe my point isn't really valid since now that I reflect on it, it really has more to do with clothes than what a person looks like. I mean, why do people put those kind of clothes on? Because they want to look tough, or its some sort of tough guy persona. Maybe they aren't going to stab me...but then again, maybe they like to act the part!

Although...I'm (sadly) not surprised you still catch some flak. It would be nice if we advanced to that point by now, but the reality of the situation is racism is still alive and well. It just sits below the surface more now. At this point, the only thing that can fix it is time...it blows that you have to shoulder the burden of being a soldier against this, but that is where the chips have fallen.
 

glugglug

Diamond Member
Jun 9, 2002
5,340
1
81
Originally posted by: Koing
It is because black guys have a stereotype of having a big penis and some guys are turned off by it. They are insecure and do not want to be with a girl who has been with a black guy. Yes black guys can have a small penis and white guys can be hung like a horse.

But white guys have bigger dicks
 

JackStorm

Golden Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,216
1
0
Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
he said his romantic feelings for her went away because he found out she had dated a black guy in the past.

Uh, yes. We know. 'Because she dated a black guy'. You don't see anything wrong with this?

so now, not only do we have political correctness but we also have to dictate peoples romantic feelings?

No one is forcing him to like the girl. What most of the non-flamer posters have been trying to point out, is that this has to do with him suddenly not wanting to be with her because she dated a black guy. That means he has some kind of racial bias(Whether he knows it or not). But as has been pointed out before. Since he doesn't actively go around hating black people or trying to get others to hate black people, then it's ok (Silly, but ok).
 

Tazanator

Senior member
Oct 11, 2004
318
0
0
well just remember that in todays world medically when you date a girl you are dating everyone she has been with for the last 10 years. Color and all that aside the real fear should be what the person was really like and could they have been a carrier for a number of disease.

Protect the stick or it will fall off.
 

Arkitech

Diamond Member
Apr 13, 2000
8,356
3
76
Here's another question if you're white would you date a girl who has a dated black man but they did'nt have sex?