If you ever though that you where having a bad day

[crYnOid]

I have just finished speaking to a friend that I have known for about 12 years to get some very bad news about him, but I will start from the beginning of this story.

[Three weeks ago] He gets a call from his then girlfriend (now ex) wanting to break up with him. She apparenly had been wanting to do this for months but hadn't got up the courage to tell him in person. She had got a free trip to study in japan and two weeks after going over there she droped him . On that same day he had seen a doctor and was told that he had Testicular cancer. He apparently only told his (now ex, but still friends)girlfriend about it.

[Today]I get a message on ICQ for his ex.g/f's mum today telling me that he had a serious medical condition and that she was going to get him to talk to me about it. I guessed it was cancer as his dad smokes like a chimney(me thinking lung cancer), so I wasn't overly suprised when he said it was (different type tho). He told me that the only other people that know about it are his ex g/f and her parents and now me. He hasn't told his family and doesn't plan on doing so until his condition gets worse than it is now. He has a very large family of 9 people so I think he just can't talk to them about it. He also asked me not to tell any of his friends (or mine) about it, so now I have secret to hold onto . He also said that the doctor has recommended that he have an operation to remove it, which he has knocked back and is only having treatment (tablets etc). Then he hits me with the really depressing stuff, that he may only live for another 3 months:Q. I hadn't even notice anything wrong with him. He is only 21 and a couple of months older than me!(make you think)

The moral of this story, if you think you are having a bad day someone else is having a worse one.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

I'm sorry to hear your friend has cancer, but why on earth would he keep this from his family? They deserve to know what's going on, especially if he's in the terminal stages - and why would he opt NOT to have potentially life-saving surgery?

Again, I am just so sorry that this has happened to him, but he needs to have someone yank him out of his depression so he can make an informed decision about the surgery, and he needs to tell his family. It would probably kill me to find out my brother was dying and had decided I didn't need to know.

 

[crYnOid]

I don't think that he is at the terminal stage yet, he just doesn't want to have surgery. I get the feeling that he want to try the drug that the doctors have given him, and see what happens. If he improves then he doesn't need to tell his family(which i disagree to in the first place), if he goes down hill then he will tell his family(i hope).

He was also told by his doctor that the surgery was not guaranteed to help him. So he could die if he has it, but he could die if he doesn't. He has done what he thinks is right(which I don't agree with, and he accepts).

I don't believe that he is to heavily depressed as that last 2 weeks he has been fine, and has made up with his g/f(i think that they agreed to get back together when she returns, go figure)

 

[Chef0083]

I have to side with CG on this one. I can understand his aprehension with the surgery but he MUST tell his family! I don't see how he can NOT tell them.

I'm very sorry to hear he is in this position but I think he needs as many peopl on his side as he can get. Hope everything works out.

 

[crYnOid]

I will try to convince him to tell his family over the next couple of days when i see him. I too would hate to find out that my brother/sister had cancer and I was not told. I will work on him, and try to convince him to tell them, and if necessary I may have to do it myself.(even tho he asked me not to)

 

[Chef0083]

I think you are doing the right thing. A real friend could not hold his tounge in a case like this. It takes alot of guts to do something that you are obviously uncomfortable with!

My prayers are with you both!

 

[crYnOid]

Thanks Chef0083. Even if I don't want to do it I guess I will have to

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

<< I don't think that he is at the terminal stage yet, he just doesn't want to have surgery. >>



I understand that - it's no different than a woman who doesn't want to have a breast cut off. But if he's at the stage where he's telling you he may only have three months, that seems pretty terminal to me and not time to mess around with treatment. I'm not questioning you, but it's a little weird that he's only just found out he's got cancer, he told you he may die in three months but he's not depressed and doesn't think his family should know. I've seen people die of cancer, and they're going to know unless they never see or talk to him. He's either not giving you the whole story or he's smack dab in the middle of denial.

Continue being a good friend, stick with him and try to talk some sense into him. There are cancer success stories, and he can beat it if he gets his head out of his arse. He needs his family's support.

(Sorry to keep harping on the subject, but I can't imagine NOT telling my family - they practically know when I get a hangnail)

 

[crYnOid]

3 months I think was a minimum, I should have said that in my earlier post. I have also lost an uncle to lung cancer this year, and he had been very sick for years before he passed away. I think he is trying to stay positive with this, I will find out more tomorrow. I now have so many questions for him, and I will give him my position on these matters.

 

[sweetrobin]

Ok ... I hate to be the cynical one ... but with him not wanting to tell his family ... is there a possibility that he might just be faking this for the ex girlfriend ? Trying to get her back ... thats the only thing I can think of for him not wanting his family told .. coming from such a large family as he does I can't imagine not wanting to draw strength from them as such a time as being diagnosed with cancer. There is something else to this story .. It just doesn't ring true.. I hate to say that ... he either has some serious family issues or this isnt true ... I hope for your friends sake that he is making this up ... if he really does have cancer I will pray that he will recieve the best treatment and recover quickly.

 

[Yeeny]

I know you may feel like you are betraying him if you tell his family, and you are in a very hard spot with this one. Maybe he is waiting to find out more from the doctor though, before he says anything. I would give him a little time, maybe a couple of weeks, and try to see what happens. I am praying for your friend, it is always terrible to hear something like this, but it's doubly so when the person is so young. Good luck!

 

[crYnOid]

I hope he gets better soon as well sweetrobin and GirlFriday. I wouldn't believe that he is doing it to get his ex.g/f back. The fact that about 2 weeks back he was hobbling around saying that he had hurt his knee on the weekend, looking back maybe the cancer was causing problems and he was hiding it from me like he has with everyone else. I hope that he hasn't told them because he wants more information about the cancer, and is just waiting until he gets it, then he tells them (another question to add to the list).

 

[ratkil]

I don't know what his situation is with his family, but I would probably not tell my family if in the same situation. I also would not want anyone else to tell them. I am on good terms with my family, but I just wouldn't want to drag them into the whole thing. Then again that is just me, and I have been told I am weird before so........

Truly hope he recovers, some things are just such a tragedy.

 

[crYnOid]

I would guess that his attitude is the same as your ratkil. It still doesn't make me feel better about his family not knowing tho

 

[fdiskboy]

That's what families are there for--to be &quot;dragged into things.&quot;

I mean come on, they are the ones who (theoretically) love you the most. They would be devastated to be told only AFTER this person passes on. I think illness, especially serious illness should be handled together--if for no other reason than preparation for what could happen. The other reason is SUPPORT--it's a powerful thing.

Very sad, I wish your friend the best.