If an Enterprise away team landed in Middle Earth

[JulesMaximus]

Bah.. why even bother landing. A few photon torpedos to Mt Doom should have fixed the issue well enough. Then beam up Frodo and vaporize that damn ring with a phaser.

Why bother with all that even? Just beam Frodo and the ring right into the lava in Mt. Doom.

 

[IronWing]

Why bother with all that even? Just beam Frodo and the ring right into the lava in Mt. Doom.

Could the one ring be transported at all? Would Scotty have to divert the shield power, warp power, and make the lights dim to do it? Would he break a finger nail as the transporter control sliders resisted the transport?

 

[zinfamous]

This is like one nerd vortex swallowing another nerd vortex.

 

[Ruptga]

They'd be in orbit studying pre-warp cultures when suddenly they get some really weird readings, so they beam down to Edoras right as Gandalf and Saruman are having a proxy fight in Theoden's head. Kirk wants to know wtf is going on, Gandalf is playing dumb. Their one redshirt is looking very nervous against an entire throne room full of guys with swords. Someone finally twitches the wrong way and arrows and phasers start flying as Spock calls for emergency beamout, the security officer doesn't make it. Gandalf gets a weird look on his face and peaces out, because he's Gandalf and has important shit to do.

After a while pondering and studying his tricorder readings, Spock determines that what they first detected was merely being relayed from somewhere else, but their sensors can't penetrate the point of true origin. Naturally, they send another away party outside Mount Doom. They conveniently stumble upon a hidden entrance as the Nazgul start to circle, and soon reach a large central chamber. In the middle is a pretentious looking guy on a throne, meditating. As Kirk is about to address him, Gollum falls through the holographic ceiling onto the security officer, clutching a ring to his chest. The guy suddenly opens his eyes and says "it is finished." Kirk makes a stupid face like he forgot his lines again, then stammers out "Just--what is going on here mister?" McCoy tries to help their crewman as the guy introduces himself as Eru, and asks that they not interfere with his children any further. Before McCoy can pronounce death, the whole cavern shakes and a door opens with a whoosh as Gandalf walks out of a room with a ton of screens and instrument panels. Kirk gets a panicked message from the ship, telling him that almost everything within a hundred miles of their beam-down just fell into a chasm that suddenly formed out of solid rock. As they're talking, Sauron walks into the chamber and hands Eru a bag of Quatloos, skulking. By now McCoy has had enough and yells over everyone else "Just what the devil is going on here?" Everyone looks to Eru, who continues, introducing himself as the creator and proprietor of this world and its inhabitants. He had a long running bet with his nephew, who just lost the bet. Kirk is appalled and outraged that these people would play games with the lives of entire civilizations, and the fact that they're his "children" makes it even worse. Gandalf informs Kirk that he has no power here, and really should mind his own business. Even Sauron agrees, asking them to not interfere in their family dispute. Kirk is about to launch into a speech, when Spock leans in to recommend Kirk take their advice, as they really are quite powerless at the moment. They all return to the ship, Starfleet flags the planet a quarantine zone, and Kirk makes a brooding final entry in his log.

 

[Albatross]

Most excellent thread,old chaps.