Ideas for lunch thief revenge...

[Stuxnet]

re: laxatives. If the thief is an asshole, and someone who steals coworkers lunches is pretty much guaranteed to be an asshole, then it's pretty simple for the thief to press charges.

It's a misdemeanor at the very least, and possibly a felony for food tampering (as well as aggravated assault charges.)

Do you really want to risk that? Not to mention an asshole also suing you in civil court for lost wages after having to go home and being sick for a week? (No, they wouldn't be sick for a week, but they could easily take the week off and claim they were sick. Tell it to the judge that you're sure they were faking it.) Oh, and of course, the suit would include pain and suffering from a week of stomach cramps.


Also, if smoke starts billowing out of a microwave, someone besides the thief is also going to notice, unless the thief is the only person in the room.

The glaring difference, of course, is that in the case you quoted above, the person blatantly served the laxatives to others. In the case of the OP, the food is intended for himself (or his wife). He's not deliberately serving lax-laced food to someone else.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Let some thaw and go bad, but not visibly, then re-freeze and take to work.

Or thaw. Open carefully. Add exlax. Reseal. freeze. take to work.

 

[DrPizza]

That's why no one's suggesting actual poison. If you put a laxative in the food, the original owner can always just say, "hey, I'm constipated, and this is how I was going about solving it."

If it's at all reasonable that the original owner would/could have consumed it, the rest is just conjecture.

It's not at all reasonable that a person is going to thaw their food, inject laxatives into it, and refreeze it. Good luck convincing a jury that you didn't intend to harm someone else.

 

[bignateyk]

re: laxatives. If the thief is an asshole, and someone who steals coworkers lunches is pretty much guaranteed to be an asshole, then it's pretty simple for the thief to press charges.

It's a misdemeanor at the very least, and possibly a felony for food tampering (as well as aggravated assault charges.)

Do you really want to risk that? Not to mention an asshole also suing you in civil court for lost wages after having to go home and being sick for a week? (No, they wouldn't be sick for a week, but they could easily take the week off and claim they were sick. Tell it to the judge that you're sure they were faking it.) Oh, and of course, the suit would include pain and suffering from a week of stomach cramps.


Also, if smoke starts billowing out of a microwave, someone besides the thief is also going to notice, unless the thief is the only person in the room.

Easy. "Your honor, that food didn't belong to me." How are they going to

1) Prove that the food the person ate belonged to you
2) Prove it contained laxatives
3) Prove it was you who put the laxatives in the food.

If all that is proved, just say your wife is constipated and puts laxatives in her food to help her digestion. It's not your fault someone stole her food and ate it.

 

[SandEagle]

buy two
that way u have one

This had me rofling

 

[bignateyk]

You could inject a radioactive tracer into it and then walk around with a geiger counter to find the culprit.

 

[SunnyD]

Someone took the time to post a warning on the fridge in our break room. It reads:

"Warning: Items placed inside may be stolen at any time."

 

[ShawnD1]

do not do this:
http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp

Ya know, after read this it sounds like a better idea than before. While the food thief is in the hospital struggling to survive, the OP can safely put his lunch in the freezer without someone stealing it :thumbsup:

Refer to neckbeard's thread about shooting a car thief. 70% of ATOTers said it would be ok to kill someone stealing your stuff. Out of 12 jurors, 8 of them will support your idea to kill someone for stealing your food :awe:


edit
most people are not ATOTers so you'd probably end up getting the chair for this

 

[cliftonite]

1. Glue aluminum foil to the bottom of one and paint it to match the container.

2. See who starts a fire in the communal microwave.

This seems like the best idea thus far.

 

[Azraele]

I'd take the issue to HR.

 

[JDawg1536]

How many people are in the office?

 

[Stuxnet]

It's not at all reasonable that a person is going to thaw their food, inject laxatives into it, and refreeze it. Good luck convincing a jury that you didn't intend to harm someone else.

Good luck to the prosecution proving that I'm the one that tainted the food.

Regardless of whether or not you can be prosecuted in court, the real issue in my opinion is what happens to the OP's wife's job once it gets out what she did. In that environment, suspicion alone is enough to get screwed.

 

[Dulanic]

1. Glue aluminum foil to the bottom of one and paint it to match the container.

2. See who starts a fire in the communal microwave.

Thought about it, but it would be very easy to see.

And for other questions... # of people is unknown I would guess 100ish? And also as for HR, HR at that company is crap they aren't helpful to anyone besides the top dogs for anything. They are there purely to hire and fire people.

 

[PingSpike]

Coat the food with cyanide and place it in the freezer. You will know who it was (They will stop coming into work and there will be an obituary) plus they will get the punishment that is deserved for this crime, death.

 

[Stuxnet]

HR at that company is crap they aren't helpful to anyone besides the top dogs for anything. They are there purely to hire and fire people.

Unfortunately that's pretty much the case at any company. I've met one, maybe two HR people who weren't snakes in the grass. It's not really their fault, though - the nature of their job inherently pits them against most employees.

 

[SaDiZTiKStyLeZ]

Replace your meals with something healthy & undesirable to the thief. I always went with salads, green smoothies, and healthy food. Nobody touched my shit, even when I worked at company where food was stolen multiple times a week. Thieves are usually not attracted to healthy foods.

 

[ussfletcher]

It would be relatively easy to put BBs in the meal. Just find the person that screams in pain as a chunk of tooth is falling out.

 

[PingSpike]

Really a surveillance camera of some type is the best way to solve this without potentially going to prison or getting fired.

 

[alkemyst]

Replace your meals with something healthy & undesirable to the thief. I always went with salads, green smoothies, and healthy food. Nobody touched my shit, even when I worked at company where food was stolen multiple times a week. Thieves are usually not attracted to healthy foods.

hmm in the OP they are stealing Healthy Choice meals. I don't think anything would be unpalatable to them.

 

[Stuxnet]

Really a surveillance camera of some type is the best way to solve this without potentially going to prison or getting fired.

Yeah, but justice hasn't been served until the thief shits his spleen.

 

[thescreensavers]

Put some really spicy hotsauce hidden, Let him/her take a big gulp.

 

[Jaepheth]

Alternatively, if you forget about revenge, you can just remove the contents of the frozen dinners and put it in a freezable/microwaveable container.

I'd wager they're less likely to steal food that isn't in a factory package, and will opt to take someone else's lunch.

Much like the solution, "You don't have to outrun the lion, just the guy next to you."

 

[Dulanic]

hmm in the OP they are stealing Healthy Choice meals. I don't think anything would be unpalatable to them.

You would think not.... but who knows.

 

[Kadarin]

I like the simple idea of allowing the dinner to thaw out for an extended period of time, such as a week or two, then refreeze and leave for the thief to steal. Alternatively, you could nuke it in the box for quite a long time, then refreeze.

 

[Dulanic]

I like the simple idea of allowing the dinner to thaw out for an extended period of time, such as a week or two, then refreeze and leave for the thief to steal. Alternatively, you could nuke it in the box for quite a long time, then refreeze.

Or... both?