NuclearNed
Raconteur
I'm not exactly a long-haired tree hugger, but in my own way I have a profound love and respect for all things natural. If bees, spiders, snakes, or other living things want to share my yard, so be it as long as they don't hurt me or my family. Unfortunately, things didn't work out real well with this agreement, and I had to declare my own destructive jihad against bees a few years back. I've always suspected that my enraged killing frenzy would come back to haunt me. I've spent a long time looking over my shoulder, knowing that the specter of retribution was close behind.
I should have wiped them all out. I should have killed them until I lost all feeling in my hands from all the smiting. I should have hounded them to the ends of the earth... but somehow I erred in showing mercy to the black-hearted, calculating, merciless masses.
A week ago, fate decided it was time for me to pay my dues. Even though I now lived miles away from the site of the original massacre, even though the probabilities were highly against them ever seeing me again, somehow, some way the hive had tracked me down.
My best guess is that I have been under close surveillance for quite some time now. Something in the back of my mind had made a note about the sudden surge of bee power around my home lately, but I paid little attention to all the red flags that were going up. About a week ago, one of the little agents of evil decided the time was right to throw down. Unknown to me as I climbed into my Jeep, he was camping on my back, prepping a massive bolt of pain inducing venom. I sat back in my seat and took a white-hot shiv right in my shoulder blade. Dear Sweet Mother of Every Searing, Venom-Induced Agony, I screamed out a word or two (for which I had to apologize later), stripped off my t-shirt, and threw it on driveway. The relentless bastard struggled out of the shirt and made every effort to nail me again, but he met his crushing end at the bottom of my shoe.
A week passed. With lust for revenge dancing through my head, I spent every last second trying to find the colony. They had learned - this time, the home base was very well hidden and daily sorties of suicide bombers were deployed to thwart me in my quest. Luckily, stupid little bees have stupid little brains in their stupid little heads. In their confident arrogance, they had dared to build their nest, well hidden as it was, on my house. In short time, I had their coordinates, and I began to scheme.
I hit them hard and fast just after dark, when they were least expecting it. The first shot from my powerful chemical cannon went completely off-target and hit the light that was in front of the nest. The alerted masses immediately flew into a cloud of rage. As I darted behind the glass door into my house, I sent out one last salvo, which as luck would have it was a direct hit on the nest. I slammed the door behind me, protectively covered my genitals with one hand, and scanned the area with my flashlight just in case some of the more clever ones found their way in. They thrashed against the glass, trying to get through with every fiber of their being. Blood was in their eyes, murder in their hearts, and poison in their veins. I watched and cackled gleefully for the next half hour, as slowly and eventually every last one crumpled into a twitching mass on the front porch.
Once again, the human race is supreme.
EDIT:
FYI for the yougsters - this is a followup to this thread.
I should have wiped them all out. I should have killed them until I lost all feeling in my hands from all the smiting. I should have hounded them to the ends of the earth... but somehow I erred in showing mercy to the black-hearted, calculating, merciless masses.
A week ago, fate decided it was time for me to pay my dues. Even though I now lived miles away from the site of the original massacre, even though the probabilities were highly against them ever seeing me again, somehow, some way the hive had tracked me down.
My best guess is that I have been under close surveillance for quite some time now. Something in the back of my mind had made a note about the sudden surge of bee power around my home lately, but I paid little attention to all the red flags that were going up. About a week ago, one of the little agents of evil decided the time was right to throw down. Unknown to me as I climbed into my Jeep, he was camping on my back, prepping a massive bolt of pain inducing venom. I sat back in my seat and took a white-hot shiv right in my shoulder blade. Dear Sweet Mother of Every Searing, Venom-Induced Agony, I screamed out a word or two (for which I had to apologize later), stripped off my t-shirt, and threw it on driveway. The relentless bastard struggled out of the shirt and made every effort to nail me again, but he met his crushing end at the bottom of my shoe.
A week passed. With lust for revenge dancing through my head, I spent every last second trying to find the colony. They had learned - this time, the home base was very well hidden and daily sorties of suicide bombers were deployed to thwart me in my quest. Luckily, stupid little bees have stupid little brains in their stupid little heads. In their confident arrogance, they had dared to build their nest, well hidden as it was, on my house. In short time, I had their coordinates, and I began to scheme.
I hit them hard and fast just after dark, when they were least expecting it. The first shot from my powerful chemical cannon went completely off-target and hit the light that was in front of the nest. The alerted masses immediately flew into a cloud of rage. As I darted behind the glass door into my house, I sent out one last salvo, which as luck would have it was a direct hit on the nest. I slammed the door behind me, protectively covered my genitals with one hand, and scanned the area with my flashlight just in case some of the more clever ones found their way in. They thrashed against the glass, trying to get through with every fiber of their being. Blood was in their eyes, murder in their hearts, and poison in their veins. I watched and cackled gleefully for the next half hour, as slowly and eventually every last one crumpled into a twitching mass on the front porch.
Once again, the human race is supreme.
EDIT:
FYI for the yougsters - this is a followup to this thread.
