AnonymouseUser
Diamond Member
- May 14, 2003
- 9,943
- 107
- 106
Yups, if I were your fiance I would dump you for being so selfish. First of all, if you are uncomfortable with how she spends her money, why get a joint saving account? Second, giving $120 to her grandmother is nothing, especially if it is her money. Now if she is not working and taking YOUR money to give to her family, then you can b!tch. But until then, you have no right.
You combined a savings account with your "fiance?" are you crazy? Let her send her own money. 120 bucks is nothing if she's working for it. 45 hrs/wk is nothing. I recently started working with one of the big 4 accounting firms and I'm already working 15 hr days 6 days a week. No OT either. What's funny is that I'm use to it already. It's like...you come in, it's tough for the first week, realizing you have to work saturday sucks cuz you want to get wasted on Friday night after work, but after that life is peachy. I don't have other things to do anyways.
Aquila76
Diamond Member
Why the hell DO people do that? Is there some part of their brain that doesn't realize sh1t happens in relationships? Hell, I didn't have a joint account until about six months after we were married.
There are 2 sides to that coin. My wife and I went in and got a joint account right after we came back from our honeymoon. If you are really committed to the marriage, you have to realize that you merge all aspects of your lives, including your finances. Waiting 6 months kinda says "Well, I don't know if it's gonna work out yet... so let's just keep our bank accounts seperate for now in case something better comes along".
That is, unless you were just being lazy.
That all depends. My wife and I have a $50 limit on things we can buy without talking to one another first. This just prevents overdrafts on our discretionary spending account.
Get the fvck out of here... if your ex-fiance wants to send money that she earned to her parents more power to her... you an idiot... Can't you see if she is that compassionate she must be worth something....
SparkyJJO
Lifer
- May 16, 2002
- 13,357
- 7
- 81
She's working 45 hours a week (which is not huge at all, only 5 hours more than the full-time mark), she is making money, so in reality she has the right to send $120 to relatives if she so desires. If she cares about her relatives that much, that is a GOOD mark. You're sounding selfish.
You aren't married yet so really a joint account probably wasn't the smartest idea, because now you are trying to control her money. Once you are married then you both have to set guidelines that both of you agree on. At that point you both control each other's spending, like a checks-and-balances system. Once you have all that set up, then you have a joint account. But not before.
BTW, you never mentioned how many hours you work per week - what is your contribution?
You aren't married yet so really a joint account probably wasn't the smartest idea, because now you are trying to control her money. Once you are married then you both have to set guidelines that both of you agree on. At that point you both control each other's spending, like a checks-and-balances system. Once you have all that set up, then you have a joint account. But not before.
BTW, you never mentioned how many hours you work per week - what is your contribution?
Aquila76
Diamond Member
It was more of that she had just bought a batch of checks and wanted to use them up. I would never have married unless I KNEW we could work stuff out, regardless what it was.
EDIT: But if there is no marriage, I see joint accounts as a potential huge problem. If you're dating or only engaged, that's just asking for trouble. As long as your seperate, so should be your accounts, IMO. (Easier for taxes, too.)
Marriages should have 3 accounts - His, Hers, and Ours.
When Hers is depleted from spending money on useless sh!t and sending to relative X, Y, Q, and ABGQ, and His is gone from car parts and HT equipment, Ours can pay the mortgage and utilities.
- M4H
When Hers is depleted from spending money on useless sh!t and sending to relative X, Y, Q, and ABGQ, and His is gone from car parts and HT equipment, Ours can pay the mortgage and utilities.
- M4H
BrokenVisage
Lifer
- Jan 29, 2005
- 24,771
- 14
- 81
The OP only got +1 post count for this long ASS thread...sad.
But on topic in off topic..... With out more details I can't form an opinion. On the surface it seems like you are an ass, but I am sure there is a bigger problem here than just her working 45 hours a week and sending 120 home to help her homless grandmother eat.
What gets me is you are bitching that no one is helping you with your $1800 a month bills, maybe you should not have streched yourself so thin that 120 a month really fvcks with your budget.
I understand that she didn't tell you about the money, you had to find it, and I think that would be my biggest problem. However if you look at it from her POV she thought she had to hide it from you, and if you two are thinking about getting married then maybe you should work that out first. I remember when my wife gave may mother-in-law some money one time for something, when I found out about it at first I was like "WTF, they have two jobs, and if they would quit buying beer and lottery tickets with it they would be fine. But then I started thinking, why the crap didn't she tell me that she gave it to them...then I felt like an ass because my first response was the one she had thought I would do, so she hid it from me. I guess what I'm saying is, you should be more open to her problems (that includes her family), that is part of her baggage. Then she wouldn't feel like she had to hide it from you.
Anyway if that is her only fault, PM me her number incase my marriage goes south.
kd
But on topic in off topic..... With out more details I can't form an opinion. On the surface it seems like you are an ass, but I am sure there is a bigger problem here than just her working 45 hours a week and sending 120 home to help her homless grandmother eat.
What gets me is you are bitching that no one is helping you with your $1800 a month bills, maybe you should not have streched yourself so thin that 120 a month really fvcks with your budget.
I understand that she didn't tell you about the money, you had to find it, and I think that would be my biggest problem. However if you look at it from her POV she thought she had to hide it from you, and if you two are thinking about getting married then maybe you should work that out first. I remember when my wife gave may mother-in-law some money one time for something, when I found out about it at first I was like "WTF, they have two jobs, and if they would quit buying beer and lottery tickets with it they would be fine. But then I started thinking, why the crap didn't she tell me that she gave it to them...then I felt like an ass because my first response was the one she had thought I would do, so she hid it from me. I guess what I'm saying is, you should be more open to her problems (that includes her family), that is part of her baggage. Then she wouldn't feel like she had to hide it from you.
Anyway if that is her only fault, PM me her number incase my marriage goes south.
kd
geecee
Platinum Member
- Jan 14, 2003
- 2,383
- 43
- 91
To start, 45 hrs a week is not excessive. I work 50+ hrs a week now, and its a vacation compared to the 75-80 hrs a week I put in at my previous job.
Next, she's taking some money out to help her family and you're complaining? First, if she earned it, it's her money to give and $120 is not an excessive amount. To head off future problems, the two of you should probably set a "threshold" amount that each of you is allowed to spend without consulting the other. Secondly, I can easily think of a few friends' wives/girlfriends who'll spend 3X that much a month on frivolous stuff (i.e. clothes/shoes/bags). Why would you complain about her helping out her family? I'd understand your concerns if they were drunks, addicts, golddiggers or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. She obviously values family and if you don't don't share that trait, then the two of you have a major hole in your relationship to patch up. Good luck.
Next, she's taking some money out to help her family and you're complaining? First, if she earned it, it's her money to give and $120 is not an excessive amount. To head off future problems, the two of you should probably set a "threshold" amount that each of you is allowed to spend without consulting the other. Secondly, I can easily think of a few friends' wives/girlfriends who'll spend 3X that much a month on frivolous stuff (i.e. clothes/shoes/bags). Why would you complain about her helping out her family? I'd understand your concerns if they were drunks, addicts, golddiggers or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. She obviously values family and if you don't don't share that trait, then the two of you have a major hole in your relationship to patch up. Good luck.
Dude, I work 55 to 60 hours per week. I do this because I love my other half and don't want her to work outside the home, unless she wants to. She has family in another country and we send them money all the time. The only thing I think when we do this, is that I feel blessed to be able. Being giving and glad is very much better than being bitter and tight, IMO.
I've been married going on 28 years. She should dump you, and your selfish attitude.
BTW, she does not need my permission to send $120, nor would she if it 12 thousand. I respect her judgement. Infact, she bought a $40,000 car last year. The only thing we discussed is she was going to buy a car and some very wide budget perameters. Beyond that...go for it, was my response. In turn, I bought a new Mustang, just to get even (snicker)
Being giving and glad is very much better than being bitter and tight, IMO. I've been married going on 28 years. She should dump you, and your selfish attitude.
BTW, she does not need my permission to send $120, nor would she if it 12 thousand. I respect her judgement. Infact, she bought a $40,000 car last year. The only thing we discussed is she was going to buy a car and some very wide budget perameters. Beyond that...go for it, was my response. In turn, I bought a new Mustang, just to get even (snicker)
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