I Post Some Jokes, You Post Some Jokes and We Laugh...

[Josh]

The Teenager
A teenager goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a condom. The pharmacist explains that they only come in packages of 3 or 12. The young man says that he has a date that night and wants to be prepared so he purchases a package of 3. When he arrives at his dates house, he's asked to join them for dinner. Before they begin he is asked to say the grace. He says "Dear Lord, please bless the people gathered here tonight, bless the people in this community, bless ....etc. After the lengthy blessing, his date leans over and whispers to him "I didn't realize you were so religious."

He whispered back "I didn't realize your father was a pharmacist"!

Camalot
King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect milady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt where upon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch, "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. "Sir Galahad", exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me.

What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

"Mmmphmp," said Sir Galahad.
_________________________________________________________

Yea, so maybe they weren't so funny, but I'm bored and I figured I'd post a joke thread

 

I like the first one!

 

[XZeroII]

Search and you'll find more jokes than you can read in a sitting

 

[T3C]

Haha @ the first one

 

[bootymac]

Don't get the second one

Edit: Ok I got it

 

[propellerhead]

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money ?"

"Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that f---ing truck!"

 

[Josh]

Originally posted by: propellerhead
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money ?"

"Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that f---ing truck!"

Hah, that was a good one

 

[XZeroII]

Originally posted by: propellerhead
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money ?"

"Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that f---ing truck!"

HAHAHAHA. That's great!

 

[zippy]

Haha, awesome jokes.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

You'll like this one.

Why did Tupac and Biggie go to Heaven?
They both got Faith!

- M4H

 

[Josh]

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
You'll like this one.

Why did Tupac and Biggie go to Heaven?
They both got Faith!

- M4H

Hahahaha!! LOL, that was good

 

[dquan97]

Originally posted by: propellerhead
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money ?"

"Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that f---ing truck!"

hehehe

 

[Josh]

bump fo' mo' jokes ---->

A guy walks into a bar and orders 10 wiskeys. One after the other. THe bartender says,"Thats alot of alchohal, what happened?" the man replied," I just found out my first son is gay." Then he leaves.

The next day he comes in and has 10 scotchs and tells the bartender that he just found out that his second son is gay. He leaves.

The next day he comes in and asks for the strongest stuff the bartender has. He gives it to him and says,"Dosn't anyone in your family like pus*y?"

And the man replied,"Yeah, apparently my wife!"