I need some advice

[shannonr]

I'm a new member, but have been lurking around for some time now. I was wondering if there were anyone who could offer me some advice.

Here's my situation:

I dated this guy for about 2 and a half years. The whole time, I thought we had a pretty good relationship, until the end when we had some problems (which is why I broke it off). I recently found out, however, that the whole time we had been dating, he was with some other girl as well. She called me and presented me with a lot of facts that answered a lot of questions I'd had, as well as showed me old eMails and cards from my ex to her. After hearing / seeing all this, I called my exboyfriend and confronted it. Even after hearing everything that she had told me, he still lied about everything, and claimed that she was crazy. I'm over my ex, and am getting married to a wonderful man soon; however, for some peace of mind, I'd love to hear the truth come out of HIS mouth.

Is there ANY way I can get him to fess up? He knows he's been caught, but it would do everyone a lot of good if he stopped lying about everything..

Thanks

 

[snow patrol]

If he's your ex, why do you care?

I'd just forget about him and concentrate on your husband to be.

 

[pyonir]

why dwell in the past?

Move forward and enjoy your much deserved (soon to happen) marriage!

 

[technogeeky]

Originally posted by: shannonrIs there ANY way I can get him to fess up?

Baseball bat.

 

[geekender]

Move on. He is a cheat and a liar and not worth the time and anguish.

 

[kranky]

You know he lied, and the other girl knows he lied. He knows he lied. What more is there to prove? There's no question about the facts, right?

My concern is that (1) you say you are over him and are getting married to someone else soon, but (2) on the other hand you want to know if there's any way to get him to confess. If (1) is true, I don't know why (2) would matter to you.

 

[TomC25]

tell him you will give up the booty one more time if he tells you

then don't give him any

he played you, didn't he

 

[Ameesh]

move on.

 

[Michael1897]

Originally posted by: pyonir
why dwell in the past?

Move forward and enjoy your much deserved (soon to happen) marriage!

i concur with pyonir

forget the bum and be happy that you found someone worthy of marrying rather than a guy that is going to cheat on you. if you go into the marriage worrying about your ex it is only going to cause problems for you and your new husband b/c he is going to be in the back of your mind and you aren't going to be able to shake it out unless you just accept that he wasn't worth a damn for cheating on you and that he like some guys is just a sack of sh!te and not worth the fuss. some men lie even when caught and you can't change their nature for your sake of want.

good luck with your soon to be marriage. congrats

 

[Ramsnake]

Originally posted by: kranky
You know he lied, and the other girl knows he lied. He knows he lied. What more is there to prove? There's no question about the facts, right?

My concern is that (1) you say you are over him and are getting married to someone else soon, but (2) on the other hand you want to know if there's any way to get him to confess. If (1) is true, I don't know why (2) would matter to you.

lol.....yup......nuff said

 

[Jzero]

If you're over it, then what does it matter if he fesses up or not?
Just forget it.
If I was your fiance and I was reading this, I'd be kinda peeved that you'r still interested at all...

 

[shannonr]

Originally posted by: kranky
You know he lied, and the other girl knows he lied. He knows he lied. What more is there to prove? There's no question about the facts, right?

My concern is that (1) you say you are over him and are getting married to someone else soon, but (2) on the other hand you want to know if there's any way to get him to confess. If (1) is true, I don't know why (2) would matter to you.

As a woman I'd hate to see someone else, especially if it would be a friend of mine, get hurt by this jerk, and if he can't admit he did something wrong, he'll keep doing this to other people.

 

[Geekbabe]

I don't understand, you've already took the trash out, why would you lower yourself to go back and sift thru the garbage ?

 

[pyonir]

Originally posted by: shannonr
As a woman I'd hate to see someone else, especially if it would be a friend of mine, get hurt by this jerk, and if he can't admit he did something wrong, he'll keep doing this to other people.

you have to realize that whether he admits to it or not, he will continue to do this. if it is one of your friends warn them. if not, there is nothing you can do but move on and hope that the women he meets sees through him.

You think just because he admits he did something wrong, means he will NEVER do it again just because ONE person caught him this time? It just isn't going to happen, you can't change him, only he can change himself.

 

[Jzero]

As a woman I'd hate to see someone else, especially if it would be a friend of mine, get hurt by this jerk, and if he can't admit he did something wrong, he'll keep doing this to other people.

Somehow I think you're just using this as your excuse, but if you're being honset with us and yourself:
Forget it

You can't change people; they can only change themselves if they want to change. So forget saving him from himself.

If you need to protect a friend of yours from him, then warn them if it comes to that, although most people would probably assume it's some sort of jealousy relating to them dating your ex.

The longer you dwell on it, the worse it gets.

Edit: Pyonir you no good plagiarising punk, you!

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: shannonr
I'm a new member, but have been lurking around for some time now...

Obviously, you haven't been lurking here long enough....

This is definitely not the place to ask this sort of question (as can been seen by the types of responses you have received). You need to talk to your trusted friends for advice on this issue. Hopefully, they tell you that this ex has obviously lied to you and will continue to lie to you. Therefore, no matter what he says can't be trusted and you should move on. Concentrate on your husband to be and be happy that you are lucky enough to have found someone you want to marry who also wants to marry you.

 

[pyonir]

Originally posted by: Garet Jax
This is definitely not the place to ask this sort of question (as can been seen by the types of responses you have received)

i think she has recieved some VERY good advice here. maybe she wanted third party advice rather than asking her close friends.

 

[pyonir]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Edit: Pyonir you no good plagiarising punk, you!

i thought there was an echo in here when i read your post.

 

[Azraele]

I doubt you'll be able to get him to confess since he's loathe to do so. Find your peace of mind with your soon to be husband (congrats btw ) and let the ex go.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: pyonir

Originally posted by: Garet Jax
This is definitely not the place to ask this sort of question (as can been seen by the types of responses you have received)

i think she has recieved some VERY good advice here. maybe she wanted third party advice rather than asking her close friends.

It was so clear when I wrote it, but it is a little confusing when read from your perspective.

I was not trying to say that people here would not give good advice. I was trying to say that her trusted friends would be able to give her the best advice when taking both her and her ex into consideration. We really don't know either person and so are unable to give accurate advice on such a personal topic.

 

[pyonir]

Originally posted by: Garet Jax

I was not trying to say that people here would not give good advice. I was trying to say that her trusted friends would be able to give her the best advice when taking both her and her ex into consideration. We really don't know either person and so are unable to give accurate advice on such a personal topic.

it always sounds better when you read it.

i agree with you. we can only give advice from what she tells us. and that is what we have done. now if she talks to someone that knows them both, she can still have our perspective in mind. ya know?

 

[Azraele]

As a woman I'd hate to see someone else, especially if it would be a friend of mine, get hurt by this jerk, and if he can't admit he did something wrong, he'll keep doing this to other people.

Even if he did admit that he was wrong, what would stop him from doing it again. I think the best you can do would be to warn any would be friends of yours about his habits.

 

[Hammer]

Women are like the police, they could have all the evidence in the world but they still want the confession - Chris Rock

edit: That may be a joke but what its saying is valid. You know the truth, there's no need for him to say it. YOU KNOW.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: hammer09
Women are like the police, they could have all the evidence in the world but they still want the confession - Chris Rock

edit: That may be a joke but what its saying is valid. You know the truth, there's no need for him to say it. YOU KNOW.

So true...

On both counts

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: shannonr

Originally posted by: kranky
You know he lied, and the other girl knows he lied. He knows he lied. What more is there to prove? There's no question about the facts, right?

My concern is that (1) you say you are over him and are getting married to someone else soon, but (2) on the other hand you want to know if there's any way to get him to confess. If (1) is true, I don't know why (2) would matter to you.

As a woman I'd hate to see someone else, especially if it would be a friend of mine, get hurt by this jerk, and if he can't admit he did something wrong, he'll keep doing this to other people.

You're never going to "fix" him.