i need help writing a poem....

[The Stigenator]

so far i have got: (sorry for the caps).

THE DAYS ARE GETTING SHORTER
THE NIGHTS ARE GETTING COLDER
THE LEAVES ARE A BEAUTIFUL SHADES OF RED
THE WHOLE AREA SCREAMS FALL IS HERE
AND YET OUR OFFICE STILL HAS THE ROMANCE OF SPRING

CHANGE IS GOOD
CHANGE IS FUN
CHANGE IS EXCITING
.....


basically i am replacing teh fake spring flowers with a fall set of flowers, its a suprise for a girl i love.. and i want the poem to be artistic and fun and whatever.. and i have no poetry writing skills.. so i could use some help here.

 

[Mo0o]

you should probably read some poetry then try again

 

[The Stigenator]

i dont have time to read poetry.. and nor do i have poetry skillz!

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

Office romances... don't ****** where you eat.

 

[Mo0o]

if you're going to get other people to write the poem for you , you might as well just find a famous poem that conveys your feelings and use that. it'll be better than some halfass amalgamation of amateur poetry you get from atot and your own lack of skill.

 

[BlancoNino]

Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
so far i have got: (sorry for the caps).

THE DAYS ARE GETTING SHORTER
THE NIGHTS ARE GETTING COLDER
THE LEAVES ARE A BEAUTIFUL SHADES OF RED
THE WHOLE AREA SCREAMS FALL IS HERE
AND YET OUR OFFICE STILL HAS THE ROMANCE OF SPRING

CHANGE IS GOOD
CHANGE IS FUN
CHANGE IS EXCITING
.....


basically i am replacing teh fake spring flowers with a fall set of flowers, its a suprise for a girl i love.. and i want the poem to be artistic and fun and whatever.. and i have no poetry writing skills.. so i could use some help here.

Your singular article doesn't match your plural noun. The first thing you need to do is fix that. Secondly, you should trash that whole poem and write something good.

 

[The Stigenator]

okay then give me suggestions?? I got a writers block
she likes creative guys, and i am not in a that creative mood

 

[Mo0o]

btw your poem doesn't make sense. In the beginning you say the days are getting shorter and colder, clearly something negative about fall/winter. Then you say the leaves are a beautiful shade of red, something that sheds a positive light on the season. THEN you reverse and say the area "screams" fall is here, and your office still has teh romance of spring. These last two lines say your office has avoided this inevitable seasonal change, implying the office maintain's its lively attitude. so if the theme is something along the lines of "the outside is starting to suckass, good thing our office (and relationship) is still full of romance" then the last 3 ideas of change doesn't fit with the rest of your poem.

 

[Kirby]

if you give her that poem she'll hate you.

 

[ActuaryTm]

Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
she likes creative guys, and i am not creative

Fixed.

 

[The Stigenator]

OH FSCK THE POEM... i cant be that creative. she is going to have to love me for me.

 

[BlancoNino]

Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
okay then give me suggestions?? I got a writers block
she likes creative guys, and i am not in a that creative mood

Where are you at in your relationship with her?

 

[zoiks]

Just like Cyrano de' Bergerac eh?
I think it would be better if you came up with something yourself. She'll see right through you in no time otherwise.

 

[Mo0o]

I'm really bored so here's my poor attempt. Although I'm kind of unclear on your relationship with her so this could be a little to close if you're just at the flirting stage.

"Shorter days and colder nights"

The trade of seasons have come again,
And I regret summer can not linger.
Yet why must we lament such change
When we have kept Spring?s romance?
Embrace the ever falling leaves,
A flowing sea of amber and crimson;
And know I will still love you
When we see them once again.

 

[Schfifty Five]

Originally posted by: BlancoNino

Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
okay then give me suggestions?? I got a writers block
she likes creative guys, and i am not in a that creative mood

Where are you at in your relationship with her?

he probably hasn't gotten one with her other than being co-workers. I'm sure he's just trying to woo her over.

I mean this is Thegoodguy we're talking about, he's been "in love" with about 47 girls in the past 4 years or so...

 

[BlancoNino]

Originally posted by: Schfifty Five

Originally posted by: BlancoNino

Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
okay then give me suggestions?? I got a writers block
she likes creative guys, and i am not in a that creative mood

Where are you at in your relationship with her?

he probably hasn't gotten one with her other than being co-workers. I'm sure he's just trying to woo her over.

I mean this is Thegoodguy we're talking about, he's been "in love" with about 47 girls in the past 4 years or so...

Somebody needs to tell him to start being an asshole so that he doesn't have to try to impress girls.