I need advice for a fear of mine!

Jan 23, 2006
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I have this fear of opening a suitcase full of money and finding a black mamba hiding under the money and popping out and biting me in the face like in Kill Bill.

This fear is really starting to interfere with my life. Anybody have any advice about what to do in my situation?
 

PingviN

Golden Member
Nov 3, 2009
1,848
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I have this fear of opening a suitcase full of money and finding a black mamba hiding under the money and popping out and biting me in the face like in Kill Bill.

How often do you come in contact with suitcases filled with money?
 

JTsyo

Lifer
Nov 18, 2007
11,718
877
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There's already a solution for booby trapped cases.
blogger-image-1844115219.jpg
 
Jan 23, 2006
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How often do you come in contact with suitcases filled with money?

well it's the principle, the idea, the what ifs. What if someone does offer me a suitcase full of money? What if that money has a black mamba hiding underneath? I don't know if I could handle it.

And more than that, ever since I was a child, it's been one of my dreams to have a job where people give me a suitcases full of money (like in the movies!) and this fear is crippling me. This fear is keeping me from my dreams. I feel like a failure. Like I am not living up to my suitcase-full-of-money-receiving potential. I feel like I am living only half of my life. Like there is a whole other part of life and I am cut off from it because of my fear. It's really a catch-22! Either live in constant fear of suitcases, or feel like a failure the rest of my life.
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
69,015
26,892
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Obviously you're racist and have transferred your fear of black people to a ficticious black mamba. That said, better safe than sorry...

Black mambas are allergic to raisins. Always carry a box of raisins with you and pop one in your mouth as needed to maintain raisin breath.
 
Jan 23, 2006
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Slam the case against a wall a few dozen times?

I'm scared that that would make the black mamba angry.

IronWing said:
Obviously you're racist and have transferred your fear of black people to a ficticious black mamba. That said, better safe than sorry...

I am not a racist and I resent that you would suggest as much! I have plenty of friends who are of Irish decent! My decent being: Normal-White.
 

sixone

Lifer
May 3, 2004
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You don't want a 100% fee for risking your life with a black mamba?

"Sixone, she was always so nice, generous, helpful. And then she did the 2 step with a black mamba. Sad."

I'd rather have 50% of something than 100% of nothing. :p

As for the snake, I could take him down. :toughgal:
 
Feb 6, 2007
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Don't forget Schroedinger's thought experiment. Until you open the case, there's no way of knowing whether the snake is alive, or fucked off down to Vegas with all the money to throw a massive hooker and blow orgy.
 

PingviN

Golden Member
Nov 3, 2009
1,848
13
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well it's the principle, the idea, the what ifs. What if someone does offer me a suitcase full of money? What if that money has a black mamba hiding underneath? I don't know if I could handle it.

And more than that, ever since I was a child, it's been one of my dreams to have a job where people give me a suitcases full of money (like in the movies!) and this fear is crippling me. This fear is keeping me from my dreams. I feel like a failure. Like I am not living up to my suitcase-full-of-money-receiving potential. I feel like I am living only half of my life. Like there is a whole other part of life and I am cut off from it because of my fear. It's really a catch-22! Either live in constant fear of suitcases, or feel like a failure the rest of my life.

Clearly you need a vacuum-sealer. Slightly open the suitcase, put it in a plastic bag, pump all that air out. If there's a snake in it, it'll die from lack of air. If there's no snake in it, no harm done.

If it's filled with Canadian $100 bills, you can put it in water. Drown that snake dead.