I made myself cry...

[Turin39789]

booo to ryhming

 

[Turin39789]

just use this and change the name to the name of your wife

Queen and Huntress, chaste and fair,
Now the sun is laid to sleep,
Seated in thy silver chair
State in wonted manner keep;
Hesperus entreats thy light,
Goddess excellently bright.

Earth, let not thy envious shade
Dare itself to interpose;
Cynthia`s shining orb was made
Heaven to clear when day did close:
Bless us then with wished sight,
Goddess excellently bright.

Lay thy bow of pearl apart
And thy crystal - shining quiver;
Give unto the flying hart
Space to breathe, how short soever:
Thou that mak`st a day of night,
Goddess excellently bright!

 

[GalvanizedYankee]

Quixfire, you know your wife will be in happy tears as she reads that

The best to you and your well loved wife.:heart:



Now lets talk cars. How 'bout that new 'stang

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: Turin39789
just use this and change the name to the name of your wife...

yes, that would mean a lot... what happened to "boo to rhyming"?

 

[AgentEL]

I am the face of the year to come
And I do not know of my outcome

That part is a little awkward for me to read. I think it breaks up the flow of the poem. It has something to do with the use of the word "come" twice.

I think you should be more consistent with what you did in the first stanza:

There standing in a crystal vase
Eleven stems of green topped each with a face

"Vase" and "face" have similar sounds and flows pretty well.

Here is my suggestion off the top of my head:

I am the face of the year to come
When all is good and said and done

or

I am the face of the year to come
A time unknown till all is done

Just a suggestion. I like the poem overall.

 

[ThePresence]

Your man card has been revoked. Now go get a beer or something.

 

[Argo]

Don't listen to anybody, that's a great poem. I'm sure you life will love it.

 

[SociallyChallenged]

Originally posted by: Zanix
You're a big softy who's brave enough to face the flames of OT. :beer:

althought I was hoping for a hillarious tale of nutting on a handrail or something...

As was I.

But truthfully, that poem is touching, and it is very personal. I'm sure if I were to write it with certain situations and trials in mind, I would have shed a tear also. If you haven't given it to the wife, I hope she enjoys it too. It was courageous of you to post this on ATOT. I commend thee.

:beer:

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: 33

Originally posted by: Turin39789
just use this and change the name to the name of your wife...

yes, that would mean a lot... what happened to "boo to rhyming"?

Eh, Im at work at cant actually concentrate on the poem to offer anything helpful, so I'm just posting substitutes for the unoriginal guys out there to use.


My mistress` eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips` red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow in her head.
I have seen roses damask`d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

 

[dquan97]

Originally posted by: ThePresence
Your man card has been revoked. Now go get a beer or something.

At least he's going to get lucky on saturday

I like the poem!

 

[thomsbrain]

i thought it was a good poem, and your wife will love it for sure.

 

[MaxDepth]

pusswhack







but at the end of the day, who is more important: us or that babe of yours?

 

[Yax]

Just think: What would Jesus do?

 

[Quixfire]

Thanks for the tips guys. I edited a few words to smooth it out a little and I am happy with it.