- Apr 26, 2001
- 31,046
- 321
- 136
There are many different lines on the chicago train system but none that so frequently produce that special kind of fucked up situation as the red line.
This morning as I got on the train, narrowly avoiding the creepo stalker that I seem to have picked up sometime in the last 6 months, I sat down next to this drunk ass bitch and her friend. They were being loud and ridiculous and it was a bit much for 8:30 am but I had my headphones on so I figured I'd at least watch the show.
Pretty soon, a nice older lady next to me leans over and asks if the lady will be quiet. Uh oh, I thought, bad idea. This drunk lady freaks the fuck out, we're talking like skin crawling with flesh eating parasite type freak out. She screams at the top of her lungs about how its a public place and how she paid her money (and that somehow entitles her to act like a stupid drunk bitch?) and how this is America, etc. The poor lady who spoke up was basically just hoping nothing violent would happen. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the crazy lady takes a piece of what looks like a Little Debbie style cake and spikes it into her face as she gets off the train and finishes with 'I'm 43, no one tells me to shut up!' to which the lady who just got a face full of cake replies 'Act like it you drunk bitch,' which was amazingly out of character for a lady of her stature. The lady says 'next time you tell a black person to shut up, do it right.' Everyone else on the train was just about as confused as you probably are after having read that gem.
I thought we'd had our morning fun but I was sorely jumping the gun on that one. Shortly after crazy drunk lady exits the train, this nice looking older lady gets on and leans into me REALLY fucking close and says 'does that have a battery in it?' I look confused... I realize she's talking about my mp3 player. I said yes, in fact, it does have a battery in it. She then goes into this crazy tirade about how the train is 'very high voltage' and how that will interact with the battery in my mp3 player and thus give me cancer. She then gets really, really close to my ear and says 'you should go see a doctor right now, you have cancer in your ears.'
I tried to stifle my laughter.. I thought about explaining how fucking batshit that was to her and walk her through how power works but I decided it was probably best to just say thank you and offer her my seat. She declines my seat, claiming she doesn't want to get cancer. Another lady near me offers her a seat which she takes, seemingly because this lady had no earbuds in.
I love riding the redline... no matter what time of day you're definitely sure to walk away with a story.
This morning as I got on the train, narrowly avoiding the creepo stalker that I seem to have picked up sometime in the last 6 months, I sat down next to this drunk ass bitch and her friend. They were being loud and ridiculous and it was a bit much for 8:30 am but I had my headphones on so I figured I'd at least watch the show.
Pretty soon, a nice older lady next to me leans over and asks if the lady will be quiet. Uh oh, I thought, bad idea. This drunk lady freaks the fuck out, we're talking like skin crawling with flesh eating parasite type freak out. She screams at the top of her lungs about how its a public place and how she paid her money (and that somehow entitles her to act like a stupid drunk bitch?) and how this is America, etc. The poor lady who spoke up was basically just hoping nothing violent would happen. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the crazy lady takes a piece of what looks like a Little Debbie style cake and spikes it into her face as she gets off the train and finishes with 'I'm 43, no one tells me to shut up!' to which the lady who just got a face full of cake replies 'Act like it you drunk bitch,' which was amazingly out of character for a lady of her stature. The lady says 'next time you tell a black person to shut up, do it right.' Everyone else on the train was just about as confused as you probably are after having read that gem.
I thought we'd had our morning fun but I was sorely jumping the gun on that one. Shortly after crazy drunk lady exits the train, this nice looking older lady gets on and leans into me REALLY fucking close and says 'does that have a battery in it?' I look confused... I realize she's talking about my mp3 player. I said yes, in fact, it does have a battery in it. She then goes into this crazy tirade about how the train is 'very high voltage' and how that will interact with the battery in my mp3 player and thus give me cancer. She then gets really, really close to my ear and says 'you should go see a doctor right now, you have cancer in your ears.'
I tried to stifle my laughter.. I thought about explaining how fucking batshit that was to her and walk her through how power works but I decided it was probably best to just say thank you and offer her my seat. She declines my seat, claiming she doesn't want to get cancer. Another lady near me offers her a seat which she takes, seemingly because this lady had no earbuds in.
I love riding the redline... no matter what time of day you're definitely sure to walk away with a story.
Facebook
Twitter