I know this has been asked but what do women want? and how does one sustain a relationship?

holden j caufield

Diamond Member
Dec 30, 1999
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P.S. this is a long post

Hi there I need some advice because I'm 22 and I've only been in two relationships. 1 in high school and 1 in college. Starting the second semester of junior year in high school I started going out with someone I knew since grade school and it was an actual relationship for 6 months. It was kind of on and off during my senior year but other than the first 6 months I wouldn't call the rest of the time a relationship. My other relationship arose from living in the same dorm with someone during my first year and during the winter quarter of my sophomore year we actually developed a relationship that went beyond friendship. Well that one lasted about 4 months. Ever since moving out of the dorms my interactions with the opposite sex has been almost non existent. All my friends go out to bars like three times a week and though they don't exactly develop relationships it is at least social interaction. My last two years I've been going to school, working and sitting in front of my computer. The result of such things is that I've totally become anti-social. I maybe go out with my friends once every two weeks and even then I mostly just shoot pool, drink and once in awhile head out to a strip joint with my friends. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. As you can see I know nothing about starting or maintaining a relationship. I think it never works out for me because most/all of my conversations revolve around sports, food, and computers. Yes I know women like confident men, which I am not and perhaps the only thing I've got going is a sense of humor. I also know I must initiate conversation more often. any other advice because I don't really feel like getting to know someone for a year before developing something. thx :)
 

Ulfwald

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
May 27, 2000
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first, quit going to the strip clubs. I know they are nice to go to, but as a former bodyguard for many of them, I know that I had a tendancy to develop a bad attitude towards women because after being there so many nights, almost like I could not trust them.

Second, go to a gym and work out a little, ladies there seem to have it together.

don't get too serious about ladies in school, concentrate on your studies first, women want someone who they know have their priorties straight. I screwed around in college and almost messed up my life because I got so wrapped up in one girl, there are too many out there to be concerned with at this point. If you want a good relationship, become friends first and let it develop slowly. Communication is the key.
 

Kitros

Golden Member
May 6, 2000
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err....all the gals at the gym I've ever met are either too self confident or stubborn....but if you like that stuff, sure, why not?

Women like the impossible: Stability + Spontineaity(sp?) + who knows what(they certainly don't...just ask 'em!;))

If they had a pc that was rock stable but would all the sudden open up a beautiful panoramic image of the Bahamas, they would spend as much time as I do in front of the darn thing.
 

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,083
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Couple of thoughts for you.

First, try to develop some platonic friendships with women. Women that you never intend to date. For example, do you have a sister? Get to know her. She'll be an invaluable resource - a female friend that's going to love you in spite of yourself. Get her advice &amp; opinion. Learning how to deal with women on their level, understanding how they think &amp; feel...without the pressure of a romantic relationship... It's very, very important. I'm lucky, I've got a sister who's one of my very best friends. It helps.

Second, build a friendship with your prospectives. Be their friend even if they don't like you &quot;like that.&quot; In spite of the glaring difference between what women say they want &amp; what they seem to go for... They aren't blind. Eventually they'll wake up &amp; realize that their best friend &amp; closest confidant is right in front of them. Your friendship in the non-romantic times will carry over into a solid relationship.

Remember what the relationship really is - a friendship &amp; partnership. If you're out to catch a trophy, or to bed the hottest girl in town, it's not going to last. But a friendship will.

Impossible? Not at all. Yes, it requires work... but in the end you'll have something worthwhile. Which is the whole point, right?

Good luck...

Viper GTS
 

Passions

Diamond Member
Feb 17, 2000
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why be friends with girls anyway. they are all trouble and backstabbers. they say their ur friend, but trust me they are just big gorillas.
 

Yeeny

Lifer
Feb 2, 2000
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Wow, ViperGTS hit the nail on the head. My husband and I were friends before we got married, and it has helped us make it through rough times. You may not want to know somebody for a year before you develop a relationship, but that may be your problem. If you jump in too fast, you are taking somebody on face value, which can always be a terrible mistake. People can only fake what they are for so long, if you hold out a while, you may be surprised at what you learn about them.
 

Doomer

Diamond Member
Dec 5, 1999
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According to Cyndy Lauper -- &quot;&quot;Girls Just Want To Have Fun&quot;&quot; :p
 

SufferinSuccotash

Senior member
Jun 4, 2000
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Viper, I believe you are correct. I've had one relationship in my entire life -- with my fiance. We were really good friends for about a year before we started officially dating, and things just snowballed from there. 6 years later, we're getting married, and we've never &quot;separated&quot;. Must've done something right. :)
 

Doomer

Diamond Member
Dec 5, 1999
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You are so blessed. Just remember :

&quot;&quot;Kissin' don't last, good cookin' do&quot;&quot; :p
 

UG

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
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Who knows what 'women' want? They're all different. The woman for me is the woman who wants what I want, and I am for her because I want what she wants. That's a pretty short list. You can kill yourself mentally trying to scour the planet in search of someone you aren't even certain you'll recognize, let alone her you.

Certainly, each of you is going to want an emotionally stable partner who has high self-esteem and self-confidence. Such qualities are good indicators of an eventual couple's ability to provide for themselves and for their offspring for a protracted period of time.

Do what you need to do to solidify your own self-esteem and self-confidence as a long term provider for yourself; i.e.: independence and self-sufficiency. You'll soon discover that will improve your confidence in regards to women, and their's in you; wsoman of similar independence and self-sufficiency will recognize those same qualities in you, and then you'll be on their short list. :)

Don't confuse yourself and your future prospects for long-term female companionship by worrying what the general class of women wants. First, determine who you are so that women who are looking for a guy like you can recognize you in amongst the crowd of all other guys with no hope of ever being on their short list.

Along the way, don't forget to make many female friends with whom you can develop an empathy for what your future mate will need after you have found her, and she you. Finding is one thing, keeping is quite another.

Go for it. :)
 

~zonker~

Golden Member
Jan 23, 2000
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My experience is that we guys have a natural tendancy to want to &quot;fix&quot; problems and women have a tendancy to want to &quot;talk&quot; about problems. I've seen so many relationships break up because guys did not simply listen and let the girl talk through the problem.

If you offer a solution immediately, it tends to devalue the others capacity to deal with the issue. I have the same urge when a woman shares an issue. Listening is very important, along with support (i.e. not trying to solve the issue, but helping her execute the solution she arrives at)
 

JPT

Senior member
Jan 23, 2000
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Most important: what do YOU want from a woman! Never forget that! Never persue a relationship where you do everything you think she wants you to do! You just have to be yourself: if she likes what she sees then there will be no surprises later... Follow Vipers advice: VERY wise words!
And don't actively (desperately) look for someone: just hang out with your friends and eventually you will meet someone that will want to know you better.
 

minihoser

Member
Jan 6, 2000
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&quot;All you got to do is ask them a few questions and listen to what they have to say n $hit&quot;


&quot;that sounds like a lot of work&quot;


American Pie!!!
 

I'm Typing

Golden Member
Oct 9, 1999
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Your life sounds full enough right now. Don't worry about women at this point, worry about getting good grades. Network with your friends and keep looking to the future for your job out of college.

On the other hand, if you really want to date.....Don't go to strip clubs, because all they do is frustrate you and give you a viewpoint about women that has nothing to do with the real world, unless you intend on dating strippers. Not that there is anything wrong with that--some of the best sex I ever had was with strippers.

The best way to figure out what you want in a woman is to date a whole bunch of them. If you want to date a whole bunch of women you have to ask a LOT of women out. Develop a rap, and lay it on every female who you are attracted to. Make it a point to ask out a couple of women a DAY. Get used to rejection--remember Babe Ruth still holds the records for strike outs as well as home runs. Try different avenues for picking up women. Go to health clubs, go to grocery stores, go to the mall. Go to the park. Go to the parking lot. Hell I met my wife in a freaking department store.

Do NOT date one woman at a time--dating more than one gives you a way to make &quot;instant&quot; comparisons between women. If you develop your rap, and lay it on enough women, you might find yourself with more than one date a night--sounds strange, but it does happen. But at least try to date more than one woman a week--it keeps your head straight about their role in your life at this time--which is to gain perspective on what you want from women and what women want from you.

Is this easy? Actually it is, once you get into the rythim...any smart guy can develop the balls to become a ladie's man--if they put the effort into it.
 

MrsSkywalker

Member
Jun 30, 2000
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holden, I am a woman and I can honestly tell you from a woman's point of view that women are just as unsure of what they want as men are. Each woman wants something different than the next, as well as different things at different times in her life. This does not make it any easier for you, I know, but men are pretty much the same. We all as people want different things and that's what makes us all interesting. If I could list off exactly what women want in a neat, exact list, then how appealing would women really be? And what would be the fun in getting to know someone?

I can tell you this. Honesty is important to everyone. If you try and change yourself to be liked, you aren't being honest and you can't expect to be trusted. It may be old advice, but it's the best I've ever heard for pretty much every situation: Be yourself. I guarantee you there is someone out there who is looking for the exact qualities you possess. If you doubt that, then check out the statistics on convicted murderers who get married to women they met while on death row. Seriously. There is someone for everyone, and you are only 22. Trust me, you have plenty of time to find her!

On another note...ShortBus, what the hell are you talking about? Most women want a man that is good looking and thin. No. Most women want who they fall in love with. I can tell you, I see plenty of ugly fat guys with women who think they are gods. It's the same with most men. What it seems like they want is a 5'10&quot; blonde ditz with a bra size that would be too big for watermelons and a waist that they can't see if she turns sideways. Yeah. OK. Most people want who they fall in love with and I haven't yet met one person who fell in love with someone because they looked nice in a bikini or speedo. I'm sorry if you've been burned in the past, but I can assure you the problem did not lie in your waist size.
 

Batch

Member
Jun 13, 2000
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I know where you are coming from with then thin and good-looking thing...but it is not really true. women, i think, like to say that their dream guy is tall, thin, handsome, etc...but when it comes down to it, that is not what happens...i mean, just look around. For instance, i am 260 lbs, 6'4, and with a belly, yet i every girl i have ever dated has been attractive, thin, and with large breasts.

So, be aggressive, and don't cry over rejection.
 

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,083
400
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Wow, is that your only stipulation to date a woman? Attractive, thin, and with large breasts. That's deep man, really deep.

And we wonder why we have a bad name.

Viper GTS
 

Budman

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
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wow MrSkywalker how did you know mypreference?



<< a 5'10&quot; blonde ditz with a bra size that would be too big for watermelons and a waist that they can't see if she turns sideways. >>

 

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