I hope I'm not becoming one of those "easily offended" types

[johnjohn320]

but... two situations in the last few days have, for whatever reason, taken quite a blow on my self-esteem, and I don't know why.

1) Friend of mine played in a pit orhcestra that I was playing in for a musical (I started another thread about it not too long ago). On Sunday, my friend's parents came to see the show. They left at intermission because they hated it so much. According to them, they thought the singing and acting and playing and what not was beautiful, but they hated the show because "it didn't stick to the original plot, the music was corny" or something, etc.etc. For some reason, I was insulted by this...I know it's rude, but I honestly felt like I had just been insulted...it insulted and mocked all the hard work that so many talented actors and I had put into this damned show (I was the rehearsal pianist as well, so I've been working with the cast constantly for months). I was kinda hurt by it.

2) Today, I informed the director of an orchestra I play in that I would not be able to make our next concert, scheduled for May 9, because I have tickets to the Chicago Symphony that night and have since June. He blew up at me, and was incredibly harsh. I think it got to me because I adore this man, and we've always been on wonderful terms. He's never said anything ill about me, or to me, as far as I know. Today, he was throwing comments at me like that I'm selfish and don't give a sh!t about the group because I'm letting them down, that I see myself as "above this orchestra", and am arrogant, and don't care if I'm not getting paid money or tons of credit. I kept saying this wasn't true, but that I didn't think it was fair for me to have to give up an $80 ticket, that I comitted to long before I knew of this concert, (in which I'd be playing what? 2nd oboe? Yeah the concert will die without that part). but he wasn't having it. "I don't want to talk about it " he says, "do whatever the hell you want." and threw his papers on the desk and left.

I dunno, I just feel kinda hurt and offended by this stuff, and I don't feel like I should. Like, normally I'd just say to myself "they're assholes" and move on. But it's impacting me for some reason. Any thoughts?

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

<< I hope I'm not becoming one of those "easily offended" types >>

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!?



nik

 

[Nocturnal]

i am like this online and off. i really dont have much advice when it comes to this. but if anyone can give advice to the both of us, that would be nice.

 

[gopunk]

1. that is rude, those parents are not the most elegant individuals.

2. well, are you a big part of the orchestra? sounds like he was just really pissed because you made a lot of work for him.

 

[pulse8]

1) those parents suck

2) Maybe you should have given the guy more notice.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

1) So you and your friend are both performing in this group, your friend's parents attend and then leave early, plus add in some derogatory remarks? They are losers, IMO, even if the musical was quite horrible (and I doubt it was), it's their job as parents to be more supportive than that.

2) Since you've known for almost a year, maybe a little more notice would have been better? Have you left this person "high and dry", or is there an easily obtained replacement for the date you'll miss?

 

[Maetryx]

Although your director used negative emotion, I think what he was saying is that you are VERY important to the orchestra. He was angry and instead of offering you all the positive reasons (you are really a great player, the show hinges on you, it won't be as good without you, is there some way I can convince you to change your mind?) he exploded.

Try to see the positive things the director meant to say but didn't because he failed to control his anger. Your ego should be *boosted* by that second story, once you blow off the obviously inordinate anger that was displayed by your director, whom you normally adore. So forget about the anger part, reconsider going to the other concert, and approach the director later after he's calmed down and is acting like the director you respect.

[edit]BTW, blowing things off is one of the greatest virtues you can develop. Not important things, but all the negative stuff that only matters if we hold on to, incubate, and nurture it.[/edit]

 

[amnesiac]

1. Your friend's parents are assclowns. Get used to it.

2. You definitely should have given your director a LOT more notice, especially if this concert was even remotely important. A week is simply inexcuseable unless you got the tickets at the last minute. You had the tickets since June, why didn't you tell him a lot earlier, like at the beginning of the year??

 

[Lucky]

<< 1. Your friend's parents are assclowns. Get used to it.

2. You definitely should have given your director a LOT more notice, especially if this concert was even remotely important. A week is simply inexcuseable unless you got the tickets at the last minute. You had the tickets since June, why didn't you tell him a lot earlier, like at the beginning of the year?? >>




Agreed. Dont feel bad re: #1.

 

[johnjohn320]

Ok, well everyone's saying I should've given more notice, but, just to clarify I've only known about this orchestra concert (the one I was supposed to perform in) for several days. He never bothered to mention it til then. I've had the CSO tickets since June.

 

[Hossenfeffer]

<< Today, I informed the director of an orchestra I play in that I would not be able to make our next concert, scheduled for May 9 >>

So, like 10 days notice? That's not cool. Not the end of the world, but definitely some ammunition for a director's tantrum. edit: When you say you've only known about it "for a few days", how many days are we talkin?

What musical was it? Secret Garden?

As an actor who frequently does musicals it's always weird when a musician has a substitute (or misses entirely). It can throw you off if you're not ready for it or can't cope. I realize that you're talking about a concert, not a show.

 

[johnjohn320]

<< edit: When you say you've only known about it "for a few days", how many days are we talkin? >>



He told us about it last Thursday. Keep in mind that I don't see him on weekends, either.

 

[Ameesh]

your avatar looks like its gonna cry.

 

[thirtythree]

It sounds like maybe he's the one who needed to give more notice, but then again, I'm not in an orchestra .. what do I know?

 

[Piano Man]

Have you ever listened to CSO before in person? Holy sh!t man, they are the best in the world, no contest. You are going to love it. Are you in high school or college. What instrument do you play in orchestra? I can see if you are a principal player in a college orchestra that your director/conductor will probably get upset, but sh!t, its CSO.

 

[GrumpyMan]

Aren't you the guy who linked to a forum where some of the members were coming down on you for being arrogant and stuff if I remember correctly and you were defending yourself and asked everyones opinions on whether they were justified or something along those lines? Just wondering.

 

[Jzero]

Well, as a "seasoned" performer, while I'd expect my own parents to at least suffer through the whole show even if it sucked, I also worked long and hard to train them not to butter me up just because they're my parents, and if it sucks, I hope they'd tell me.
A friend's parents, I have no control over. I'm not sure what kind of cloth-eared nincompoops (credit: Mike Oldfield) your friends parents are, but the music to TSG is absolutely haunting even when poorly performed. I dunno about the plot because I saw only the musical and never saw the movie or read the book. However, being that they're not my parents, I would never expect them to sit through the show for my benefit, although if I was your friend I'd be somewhat miffed.

When my group was mulling over whether or not to do "The Threepenny Opera" a couple years ago, someone expressed concern that attendance would be low because people would think it was an opera (the annual spring opera is not usually well attended here). The director in his most arrogant artiste tone said "Well, why should we care about the kind of person who would not go just because it was an opera?"
I yelled out "Because they're my parents."
hehehe. My parents would go to one performance of an opera and that's it. If they like a musical, they'll go more if the tickets weren't too expensive.
Anyway it was like on cue when I came home and told my mom we were doing The Threepenny Opera. She was like "Oh.....an opera......."
Then I explained to her it wasn't REALLY an opera and she'd even know the song Mack The Knife.
To which she replied "You're doing a musical about Bobby Darin?"
God bless my mother

Sorry for the tangent.
As for point #2, your director should kindly be instructed to lick your chode. I have dealt with this kind of bullcrap before. These people who try to guilt-trip you into giving up everything else in life just so you don't miss one single performance.
Let me count the ways...my band director did this to me....I always liked him, but when it came to other commitments even when they came long before his band, he was a complete punk.
1)I got a part in a huge community theatre production of Joseph.... Quite frankly this was a lot more important than playing 2nd sax in a marching band. This was a lifetime opportunity...I had wanted to be in Joseph... since I saw it years ago, and I never thought I'd get a callback from a community ship let alone get a real part (I was only 15).
He gave me the hardest time and made me feel like a complete ass for wanting to follow my heart and do what I really wanted.
2)I got into the NJ All-State Chorus. Fairly high honor for a singer. It was especially special to me b/c I had missed the cut the previous year by 5 points! You audition the school year BEFORE you perform. Then Mr. Band Director announces the date of the marching band championships, which happens to coincide with the NJEA teachers conv. where the chorus performs.
EDIT: Oh yeh and lest we not forget that if you miss the concert one year you're blackballed the next year. The next year I auditioned and was rated 14 out of all the tenors in the state, so I'm doubly pleased I didn't listen to his simpering./EDIT
I tell him I can't go and he actually threatened to throw me out of the band! Now I can see him being a little more upset that time because I was a drum major, but it's not like this wasn't the reason we had 2 DMs.
Once again, he made me feel like a sh!thead. I had earned a high honor and here was this guy making me feel bad about it.
3)Senior year, the guy whose Bari sax I borrowed for jazz band graduated. I was tired of honking away on the POS school's Bari when the percussion dept. got new drums every year, esp. considering I have a perfectly nice alto sax I can play. In the beginning of my senior year he said "Try the bari for a day and if you don't like it you can switch to alto."
So I played the bari for a day and it was just as bad as it ever was, so I told him I would like to play my alto.
He about flipped. Told me I was so selfish and didn't care how the band sounded and all this crap.
I told him to get a new bari sax or a new bari sax player. His choice. I walked out the door with my alto in hand and told the guidance dept to get me the paperwork to drop the class.
The next day he came crawling back and begged me to play alto.

Looking back, I don't see why I lookup to that smegsack. He was a rat.

At great length....
don't let this stuff bother you