I have come to a conclusion

[Goosemaster]

Mathematicians couldn't write a good joke if their lives depended on it...

CAUTION:
THESE ARRE UNBEARABLE

Enjoy!:evil:

Example:

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture
with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest
possible amount of fence.

The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then
puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least
fence for a given area, so this is the best solution."

The physicist is next. He creates a circular fence of infinite
radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the
herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around
the herd."

The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little
thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I
define myself to be on the outside."

Q: How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia?
A: They make you an offer that you can't understand.

"Geometry is the art of making correct conclusions based on incorrect
pictures"

<--this one is sort of true😱

This is a joke some maths-professor of Oxford told, and his colleagues were
laughing their heads off:

In a Scottish village the rumour runs that one of them will travel to London.
Mr. Dunn appears on the doorstep of the future traveller and asks him to do
him a favour:
"Listen, my son Neal lives in London, and we have not had a message from him
for two years.
All I have is his address, London WC3."
"I sure will find him," says the traveller and tucks away the scrap of paper
Mr. Dunn holds out to him.
When the traveller arrives at the airport of London he sees a sign "WC",
says "aha",
enters,
counts the cabins: one two three,
knocks on door number three,
and asks: "Are you Nealy Dunn?"
"Yes," is the answer from the inside
"but I ran out of paper!"
"Aw, that is a bad excuse for not writing to your parents for such a long
time!!!!"

:|

THE LAW OF ENTROPY:
The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.

😛

Cause and effect.
There are only three laws of nature, and one exception.
1) F=ma; 2) E=m(c squared); 3) You can't push a rope
From these three laws all others can be derived.

Here is an definition of "darkness" found in the OSF (Security Regulations
at Flying in the Swedish Air Force, from the 1960ths):

"-Darkness prevail when the sun is 8 degrees below the horizon" (Principal rule).

But because there are some problems to look behind the horizon, there is a complementary rule:

"-At uncertain cases, darkness is considered"

Who had guessed?

oh god no:

When light passes from one medium to another, it obeys a set of partial
differential equations (which "optimize" the path as it were). The light
"slows down" for the amount of time it takes for it to solve the
equations. But if the light is experienced enough, it can solve the
equations faster than when it first started out.

Truly retarded light has so much trouble solving the equations
that it just gives up and bounces back into the original medium
(roughly four percent?)...

:|

New Age shops sell negative ion generators, as it is thought
by some that breathing negative ions boosts the immune
system. I have also heard that you can save your money and
pet your cat, as rubbing it's fur has the same effect. This
is unfortunately non-scientific, because how can a negative
ion be a cat ion?

 

[her209]

Hehe... nice.

 

[z0mb13]

lol I like the first one the best

 

[Goosemaster]

added more

 

[Goosemaster]

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad went to see
if he could find a cute little coil to let him discharge.
He picked up Milli Amp, and took her for a ride on his Megacycle.
They rode accross the wheatstone bridge, along the sine wave and
stopped at a magnetic field flowing with current.
Micro Farad soon had her resistance at a minimum level. They laid
against ground level. Micro Farad then inserted his probe in Milli
Amps socket. Mho, Mho, give me Mho, she said.
They fluxed all night, trying out various connections.
Afterwards Milli Amp tried self-induction and damaged her probe.
After this, they went home and oscillated happily ever after.

oh so lame😀

 

[dighn]

Originally posted by: Goosemaster

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad went to see
if he could find a cute little coil to let him discharge.
He picked up Milli Amp, and took her for a ride on his Megacycle.
They rode accross the wheatstone bridge, along the sine wave and
stopped at a magnetic field flowing with current.
Micro Farad soon had her resistance at a minimum level. They laid
against ground level. Micro Farad then inserted his probe in Milli
Amps socket. Mho, Mho, give me Mho, she said.
They fluxed all night, trying out various connections.
Afterwards Milli Amp tried self-induction and damaged her probe.
After this, they went home and oscillated happily ever after.

oh so lame😀

:Q lameness of this magnitude deserves its own thread for a complete bashing