I've known this girl for about 3 months... towards the end of the first semester just before our christmas break I asked her out and since then we've been dating for about a month and a half. During that time, we saw each other nearly every day except for a week that she went on vacation with her family... otherwise the rest of the time I was usually with her and the two of us really clicked, we did when we first met... not only do we click but we're extremely open with each other and we're each others best friends, there is not a single thing she doesn't know about me or that I don't know about her. It's a relationship that would seem to go on forever...
About a week ago... maybe longer college started back up and she started to pull away from me, something was up, like I had done something wrong. The problem is... I didn't do anything wrong. I asked her what was going on... why she was acting the way she was and she said that she thought that we should see other people she "needed her space", she said that she simply didn't have time for a boyfriend. This wasn't a problem for me, I was quite content with the decision because I need to focus on my studies as well... it's not the title of "girlfriend" that I feared to lose... it was the title of best friend... I knew that if she couldn't see me when I was her boyfriend, she wasn't going to put more of an effort out to see me when I wasn't. Despite the controversy in my head, I went along with the decision that she had made... I'm an idiot though and I must look further into things because the feeling that she gave me wasn't a feeling like she didn't have time for me, it was a feeling that she didn't want to be with me at all. She is taking 14 credit hours this semester, which really isn't that many... but her course load I believe consists of Chemistry, Advanced Medical Terminology, English 102, Psychology and something else... not easy courses by any stretch of the imagination, not only does she have tough courses but she's a bartender at the tavern that her family owns, she usually works mon, tues, weds, saturday mornings, sunday afternoons and any night that there is a band, on top of that, her schedule conflicts with mine, so it's rare that our breaks match up, if they match up at all. I happen to be a roadie for a local band (which is how I first met her, we played in her bar). I set the band equipment up, take it down, I run the sound, lights and pyrotechnics to the best of my ability, so when she isn't working on the weekend, usually I am. So it wasn't like her excuse of lack of time to see me wasn't believable.
I was bothered still, on a couple occasions when I was with her at her house guys that had seen her at her bar or out at other bars would call her house or the bar and ask for her and ask her on dates. Guys have actually asked her on dates right in front of me when I've been out at a bar with her... I'm not sure if they're hammered off of their ass or if they simply don't care, but in either event she'd point to me and tell them the story. These things at first bothered me but I got used to it... there where some frequent callers that started to aggitate me. One of them called when I was with her and she said that she'd call him back later... which didn't make me too happy... that kind of made it seem like she was helping this guy along, never-the-less I pushed it aside. Due to the nature of both our occupations, the two of us have a high trust in each other, she's behind the bar getting hit on, and usually tipped high... depending on how much the guy likes her, and usually when I'm with the band I'm also out with the female drunk hoodlums that are looking for dates... who hit on me... so if the two of us don't have trust we don't have anything.
Being the inquisitive fool that I am, I decided to get on her case and ask her about what was going on, why things suddenly just dropped off, she claimed she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and if this had anything to do with any of the guys that called her. I had not asked her any of these questions face to face or over the phone because she simply "didn't have time" to see me. So I asked her these questions via e-mail. So the questions I asked, she simply evaded or gave me a half answer to. Fearing that she would get irritated with my constant interrogation I stopped e-mailing her completely, taking into consideration that she needed her space, I stopped the e-mailing and decided that when she felt like she could/wanted to talk to me, she would reply to my e-mails or call me or something of that nature. I had seen her on campus a few times but my heart just sank and my heart ached when I saw her, she waved and smiled when she saw me, usually I would wave back, but I only couldn't manage anything but a dissapointed look upon my face and she knew it bothered me to see her...
About two days ago she called me up and told me that she wanted to talk to me in person, to see me face to face, and that she wanted to meet my on campus. Yesterday we met and it seemed as if nothing had changed between us as far as communication goes. Despite her claim that she didn't know if she had any feeling for me at all, my thoughts seemed to contradict that with the way she carried herself throughout our conversation. I asked her questions as to why this all came about, and if this was the end... if I would never have a chance to be with her again, I asked her if some other guy had come into the picture and she was just keeping me around to be nice. She explained the whole scheduling thing and work and whatnot, and that the guys that called her where jerks and that they didn't have a snowballs chance in hell... yet she once again avoided my question as to "is this it?" We're brutally honest with each other, so everything she said I believed. Not to jump to any conclusion but this girl is like my dream girl, she's hot... I can talk with her, and she's my best friend, what else could I ask for?
Despite my demotion from "boyfriend" to "Friend", the conversation went really well and the pit in my stomach, and the heart ache has dwindled into nothing. Time went by and it was nearing time for me to go to class, our conversation had slowed down and I guess the it would be described as "silence is a sign of comfort". I told her that I had to go to class and I started to walk away, she told me to hold up for a few minutes... so I sat back down. She kind of seemed to stall for a second, like she just called me back so that I wouldn't leave, eventually she said to me that I was the "Sweetest guy" she's ever gone out with... now as nice of a guy that I am, I have to be a prick on occasion so I replied with.... "the why the am I where I am....? Nice guys finish last I guess...." she couldn't answer me. She sat there and kind of spat and sputtered for a second and I began to walk away, she again called me back... despite my harsh comment, to my surprise she asked me to lunch, so I said sure and we're supposed to meet up this afternoon.
Now what do I do? this girl I've gone out with obviously has some feelings for me still... do I keep her on the backburner? the way I feel about her, she's pretty much on the front burner... yet she doesn't want to be there because of her studies (Or so I believe). Do I wait this out until the end of the semester and once school ends, ask her out again? do I search for other girls? all the girls that I seem to look at right now are of no comparison to her looks wise and I know that personality wise it would take me forever to get to where I am with her, so in my head it's rather pointless concept to go looking for other people. If her statement holds true, it's not like she's looking for a boyfriend right now, so I'm kind of at an impass. Like I said before, she's my new recently aquired best friend and I can talk to her about anything, wether we're going out or not, I know that you are all thinking that best friends dating isn't a good idea, but we weren't best friends before our relationship started so nothing has been ruined, the dust settled and this is where I'm at. Does anyone have any advice as to how I should go about this situation? I'm definately way still interested in her, after only knowing her only 3 months, it's hard to believe that this is the end of all relations with her.
Please help...
P.S. - I'm not home right now, I'm on campus, I know the un-written rules of the ATOT forum about pics, and as soon as I get home I'll scan a couple pictures of her and hook you guys up.
About a week ago... maybe longer college started back up and she started to pull away from me, something was up, like I had done something wrong. The problem is... I didn't do anything wrong. I asked her what was going on... why she was acting the way she was and she said that she thought that we should see other people she "needed her space", she said that she simply didn't have time for a boyfriend. This wasn't a problem for me, I was quite content with the decision because I need to focus on my studies as well... it's not the title of "girlfriend" that I feared to lose... it was the title of best friend... I knew that if she couldn't see me when I was her boyfriend, she wasn't going to put more of an effort out to see me when I wasn't. Despite the controversy in my head, I went along with the decision that she had made... I'm an idiot though and I must look further into things because the feeling that she gave me wasn't a feeling like she didn't have time for me, it was a feeling that she didn't want to be with me at all. She is taking 14 credit hours this semester, which really isn't that many... but her course load I believe consists of Chemistry, Advanced Medical Terminology, English 102, Psychology and something else... not easy courses by any stretch of the imagination, not only does she have tough courses but she's a bartender at the tavern that her family owns, she usually works mon, tues, weds, saturday mornings, sunday afternoons and any night that there is a band, on top of that, her schedule conflicts with mine, so it's rare that our breaks match up, if they match up at all. I happen to be a roadie for a local band (which is how I first met her, we played in her bar). I set the band equipment up, take it down, I run the sound, lights and pyrotechnics to the best of my ability, so when she isn't working on the weekend, usually I am. So it wasn't like her excuse of lack of time to see me wasn't believable.
I was bothered still, on a couple occasions when I was with her at her house guys that had seen her at her bar or out at other bars would call her house or the bar and ask for her and ask her on dates. Guys have actually asked her on dates right in front of me when I've been out at a bar with her... I'm not sure if they're hammered off of their ass or if they simply don't care, but in either event she'd point to me and tell them the story. These things at first bothered me but I got used to it... there where some frequent callers that started to aggitate me. One of them called when I was with her and she said that she'd call him back later... which didn't make me too happy... that kind of made it seem like she was helping this guy along, never-the-less I pushed it aside. Due to the nature of both our occupations, the two of us have a high trust in each other, she's behind the bar getting hit on, and usually tipped high... depending on how much the guy likes her, and usually when I'm with the band I'm also out with the female drunk hoodlums that are looking for dates... who hit on me... so if the two of us don't have trust we don't have anything.
Being the inquisitive fool that I am, I decided to get on her case and ask her about what was going on, why things suddenly just dropped off, she claimed she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and if this had anything to do with any of the guys that called her. I had not asked her any of these questions face to face or over the phone because she simply "didn't have time" to see me. So I asked her these questions via e-mail. So the questions I asked, she simply evaded or gave me a half answer to. Fearing that she would get irritated with my constant interrogation I stopped e-mailing her completely, taking into consideration that she needed her space, I stopped the e-mailing and decided that when she felt like she could/wanted to talk to me, she would reply to my e-mails or call me or something of that nature. I had seen her on campus a few times but my heart just sank and my heart ached when I saw her, she waved and smiled when she saw me, usually I would wave back, but I only couldn't manage anything but a dissapointed look upon my face and she knew it bothered me to see her...
About two days ago she called me up and told me that she wanted to talk to me in person, to see me face to face, and that she wanted to meet my on campus. Yesterday we met and it seemed as if nothing had changed between us as far as communication goes. Despite her claim that she didn't know if she had any feeling for me at all, my thoughts seemed to contradict that with the way she carried herself throughout our conversation. I asked her questions as to why this all came about, and if this was the end... if I would never have a chance to be with her again, I asked her if some other guy had come into the picture and she was just keeping me around to be nice. She explained the whole scheduling thing and work and whatnot, and that the guys that called her where jerks and that they didn't have a snowballs chance in hell... yet she once again avoided my question as to "is this it?" We're brutally honest with each other, so everything she said I believed. Not to jump to any conclusion but this girl is like my dream girl, she's hot... I can talk with her, and she's my best friend, what else could I ask for?
Despite my demotion from "boyfriend" to "Friend", the conversation went really well and the pit in my stomach, and the heart ache has dwindled into nothing. Time went by and it was nearing time for me to go to class, our conversation had slowed down and I guess the it would be described as "silence is a sign of comfort". I told her that I had to go to class and I started to walk away, she told me to hold up for a few minutes... so I sat back down. She kind of seemed to stall for a second, like she just called me back so that I wouldn't leave, eventually she said to me that I was the "Sweetest guy" she's ever gone out with... now as nice of a guy that I am, I have to be a prick on occasion so I replied with.... "the why the am I where I am....? Nice guys finish last I guess...." she couldn't answer me. She sat there and kind of spat and sputtered for a second and I began to walk away, she again called me back... despite my harsh comment, to my surprise she asked me to lunch, so I said sure and we're supposed to meet up this afternoon.
Now what do I do? this girl I've gone out with obviously has some feelings for me still... do I keep her on the backburner? the way I feel about her, she's pretty much on the front burner... yet she doesn't want to be there because of her studies (Or so I believe). Do I wait this out until the end of the semester and once school ends, ask her out again? do I search for other girls? all the girls that I seem to look at right now are of no comparison to her looks wise and I know that personality wise it would take me forever to get to where I am with her, so in my head it's rather pointless concept to go looking for other people. If her statement holds true, it's not like she's looking for a boyfriend right now, so I'm kind of at an impass. Like I said before, she's my new recently aquired best friend and I can talk to her about anything, wether we're going out or not, I know that you are all thinking that best friends dating isn't a good idea, but we weren't best friends before our relationship started so nothing has been ruined, the dust settled and this is where I'm at. Does anyone have any advice as to how I should go about this situation? I'm definately way still interested in her, after only knowing her only 3 months, it's hard to believe that this is the end of all relations with her.
Please help...
P.S. - I'm not home right now, I'm on campus, I know the un-written rules of the ATOT forum about pics, and as soon as I get home I'll scan a couple pictures of her and hook you guys up.
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