101's Different Ways to Annoy People...
# Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
# In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
# Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
# Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
# If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
# Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
# Speak only in a "robot" voice.
# Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
# Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
# Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
# Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
# Sniffle incessantly.
# Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
# Name your dog "Dog."
# Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
# Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
# Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
# Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
# Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
# Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
# Practice making fax and modem noises.
# Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
# Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
# Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
# Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
# Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
# Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
# Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
# Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
# Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
# Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
# Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
# Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
# Drum on every available surface.
# Staple papers in the middle of the page.
# Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
# Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
# Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
# Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
# Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
# Set alarms for random times.
# Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
# Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
# Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
# Honk and wave to strangers.
# Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
# Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
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# Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
# Wear your pants backwards.
# Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
# Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
# ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
# only type in lowercase.
# dont use any punctuation either
# Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
# Pay for your dinner with pennies.
# Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
# Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
# Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
# Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
# Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
# Light road flares on a birthday cake.
# Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
# Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
# Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
# At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
# When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
# Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
# As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
# Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
# Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
# Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
# Drive half a block.
# Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
# Ask people what gender they are.
# Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
# Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
# Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
# Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
# While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
# Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
# Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
# Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
# Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
# Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
# Wear a LOT of cologne.
# Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the
faster speed is necessary because of your "superior
mental processing."
# Sing along at the opera.
# Mow your lawn with scissors.
# At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
# Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
# Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
# Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook.
Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
# Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
# Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
# Never make eye contact.
# Never break eye contact.
# Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
# Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
# Make appointments for the 31st of September.
# Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
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