Today I had a "fun" user:
I was going to install the Citrix Client so they could access some rediculously oversized worksheet - I thought this was going to be an easy 5 minute job:
Me - "Do you know how to obtian either your host name or you IP address?" (for me to remote on)
Them #1 - "what that?" (no problem, very few people do)
Me - "Could you click on the start menu button please"
Them #1 - "OK, the computer is now turning off" (WTF!!! I didn't ask them to do that!!. Two min's later, after they've logged back on)
Me - "Could you click once on the start menu button, then run, then type the letters CMD, then press enter"
Them #1 - "where is the enter button?"
Me - "On your keyboard it will be the button on the far bottom right, with the word 'enter' on it"
Them #1 - "I can't see it" (all are PC's are standard, no variations at all, no 3rd party keyboards, all less than a couple of months old - I have no idea what she was pressing. Eventually I got her colleague on the phone to help her and we got the command prompt up)
Me - "You see the black window, with the cursor flashing after c:\xxx\xx, etc"
Them #2 - "Yes"
Me - "Can you type the the letters I P C O N F I G"
Them #2 - "I can't see that button on my keyboard"
Me - "which button are you trying to find"
Them #2 - "The one that says 'ipconfig'"
Me - "Could you hold the line for 1 minute please" - ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!! (the mute button is my best friend)