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I hate corpspeak!

D

DurocShark

Lifer
The autosig on e-mails from the company that developed our piece'o'crap software (it's a major part of our business, unfortunately...)

"Driving Profits Through Channel Collaboration"

WTF? Where are they driving the profits to? Obviously not into the company's coffers... We spent millions on this so far, and it's still buggy as heck and the company (from India) is rather unresponsive to our problems. Grrrrr...........
 
Originally posted by: Fausto1
DurocShark: I'm not sure you and I are on the same page regarding this matter.


😛
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I believe you'll have to move forward on this issue regardless.

 
Going forward, we expect the synergy of our collaboration with our India channel partners to drive profits. That initiative will bring economies of scale to the table. They come to us with a robust skill set which will help us in achieving our critical success factors.

See? It ain't hard. 😉
 
Originally posted by: kranky
Going forward, we expect the synergy of our collaboration with our India channel partners to drive profits. That initiative will bring economies of scale to the table. They come to us with a robust skill set which will help us in achieving our critical success factors.
Click to expand...
:Q

You just called me an asshole didn't you? :|

 
Originally posted by: DurocShark
The autosig on e-mails from the company that developed our piece'o'crap software (it's a major part of our business, unfortunately...)

"Driving Profits Through Channel Collaboration"

WTF? Where are they driving the profits to? Obviously not into the company's coffers... We spent millions on this so far, and it's still buggy as heck and the company (from India) is rather unresponsive to our problems. Grrrrr...........
Click to expand...

Gee...big surprise there.....NOT!

Someday soon Corporate America will realize the money they're saving by having cheap programmers do work is going to come back and bite them in their collective arses.
 
I hope you've got a lot of bandwidth today. We're gonna be pressing forward on this target point, and we'll need all our team members to touch base before they get started on their action items. Oh, and make sure not to forget the breakout meeting this afternoon - it'll give all of us a chance to brainstorm our way to fruition on this project management collaboration.



rolleye.gif
 
If everyone were more proactive in addressing the needs of our customer base we could head off problem situations and create an increased customer synergy that will empower the organization to create new initiatives in bettering our market position.
 
As a company, we have a firm grip on the value-added infrastructure. Having virtual action items that are leading, it follows that a team-building NT rationalizes the major players. It is fiscally true that the world-class eye candy probably closes the loop on the issue of a paper trail.

Massively parallel products lobally telecommute, which was outlined recently on our internal Web site. It's so clear that the compatible challenges get up to speed on the enterprise-wide materials; we are convinced paradigm shifts (and by the way this is all in my report) proactively agree to disagree on multimedia critical paths. The customer release cycles promote.
 
Okay....a new challenge. Your impression of a 1-900-HOT-SEXY operator's convo with a caller utilizing corpspeak. 😀
 
No wonder managers and higher ups know nothing about technical stuff... they were COM majors in college... (like myself) 😉
 
Originally posted by: Demon-Xanth
conjur: I'm sorry, but my link pwns your link. Mine creates whole memos upto 9 paragraphs long. 🙂
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Well, the BS generator is good for those middle managers who need to spew forth some non-sensical mumbo-jumbo in a meeting and make it sound like they are talking about something substantive. I used to work for one that was just like that and I'd swear he used that site! 😀
 
Excerpt from Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel by Scott Adams:

Good things to be doing (in business)
-------------------------------------------------
See the big picture
Get on the same page
Thouch base
Get a handle on it
Take it and run with it
Keep ahead of the game
Think outside of the box
Swing for the fence
View it from thirty thousand feet
Get back to basics
Line up the ducks
Move goal posts
Dip our toes in the water
Build a straw man
Make a no-brainer decision
Shorten launch curves
Embrace change
Do a sanity check
Get buy-in
Put it to bed
Have a sidebar
Put it on the front/back burner
Table it for later
Get more bang for your buck
Set aggressive but achieveable goals
Manage from the top down
Manage expectations
Take a temperature check
Press the flesh
Reach out
See what's coming down the pike
Make sure the left hand knows what the right hand is doing
Sing from the same hymn sheet
Hit the ground running
Take a rain check
Stretch the envelope
Peel the onion
Drill down into the data
Throw that dead cat in someone else's back yard
Run it up the flag pole and see who salutes

There's a whole list of these in this book.
 
Originally posted by: rh71
No wonder managers and higher ups know nothing about technical stuff... they were COM majors in college... (like myself) 😉
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I hate Comm majors. (Sorry Paige.) The courses are an absolute joke. At least English majors learn somehting. Thankfully in Finance I should be tucked nicely away from Comm majors which will help prevent me from accidentally killing one.

ZV
 
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