I got a job offer today, but I don't think I can take it.

[Scarpozzi]

So, as some of you know, I work for a moderately-sized university as a Sys Admin. It's a relatively fun job, but we implement a lot of open-source technologies that have been approved by a third-rate vendor that only work about 30% of the time without severe pain on my end.... Best part is that I finished my undergrad degree there and am about to complete my MBA.

Anyhow, another university offered me a position doing what I'm doing now. The only problem is that it's not really for more money. The school with the job opening charges roughly $1100 per credit hour and could get me into a technical industry in 3-4 years that usually costs a lot of coin. (it would still cost me money) The problem is that I got married in September and don't want to live that far away from the wife. She is set to begin medical school this summer.

I'm not going to say what the University is, but it's basically the distance from Tennessee to California. It would require a plane ticket to see my wife if I took a job there. It just makes me sad. I'd really like to give a new city/environment a try. Especially for more higher education. Anyone else felt torn like this before?

 

[her209]

Tough call.

 

[bunker]

I don't think it's a tough call at all. I'd stay with my wife.

 

[Kenazo]

I'd stay put, personally.

 

[NuclearNed]

Long distance relationships are hard to maintain. Making the move might damage your marriage. Is it really worth it?

 

[dak125]

Not for more money and you'd have to fly to get home, what am I missing here?

 

[Scarpozzi]

Well, here's the catch. She's starting med school in May and most-likely will be living 130 miles away anyhow...

 

[BornStar]

Don't do it. My wife is in medical school in Detroit and my job is an hour and a half north. I stay with my parents during the week and drive down to our apartment on the weekends. I'm actively looking for a job in the metro Detroit area but not having a lot of luck. It's rather depressing getting up early Monday morning and leaving my wife for five days. Stay where you are.

 

[sniperruff]

Originally posted by: bunker
I don't think it's a tough call at all. I'd stay with my wife.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Well, here's the catch. She's starting med school in May and most-likely will be living 130 miles away anyhow...

Stay nearby. It's a sacrifice, but being within driving distance will make a huge difference in your marriage. What's worth more to you?

Flip side, a few people can pull off a long distance marriage, but those folks are very few and far between.

 

[Aharami]

if u have a wife, its definitely a no go

 

[Phlargo]

Med school's going to be damn hard to deal with anyways.. when I was in Law school, 3/4+ of my friends with relationships lost them during school (married couples included). Med school's the same idea - people have such a strong connection with that type of education, it puts a heavy strain on any relationship. If you wanna keep her, you'll have to do anything you can to make yourself available. You've got some big choices coming up - if she's worth it, you'll do what you can to stay with her.

 

[iroast]

Do you still love your wife? Is the relationship still going strong? If the answer is yes to both questions, then don't go. Another opportunity will come around.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Originally posted by: iroast
Do you still love your wife? Is the relationship still going strong? If the answer is yes to both questions, then don't go. Another opportunity will come around.

Of course I do. I'm only thinking about the school aspect of it. Being able to get free tuition at this University would change my life. She hasn't officially been accepted to the medical program yet (interviews this week and in Feb). I suppose if things fall through, she can apply out west and we can consider it later on.

 

[SSSnail]

Take your wife with you? Transfer? Start a new life?

 

[Scarpozzi]

Originally posted by: BornStar18
Don't do it. My wife is in medical school in Detroit and my job is an hour and a half north. I stay with my parents during the week and drive down to our apartment on the weekends. I'm actively looking for a job in the metro Detroit area but not having a lot of luck. It's rather depressing getting up early Monday morning and leaving my wife for five days. Stay where you are.

Well....If I stick with my job, I'll probably be 130 miles away from her, but may be able to telecommute if management is cool about it. Otherwise, I'll just take 2 days of vacation every other week....or 1 per week and design a schedule that allows us to be together as much as possible while not interfering with her class schedule.

 

[BornStar]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi

Originally posted by: BornStar18
Don't do it. My wife is in medical school in Detroit and my job is an hour and a half north. I stay with my parents during the week and drive down to our apartment on the weekends. I'm actively looking for a job in the metro Detroit area but not having a lot of luck. It's rather depressing getting up early Monday morning and leaving my wife for five days. Stay where you are.

Well....If I stick with my job, I'll probably be 130 miles away from her, but may be able to telecommute if management is cool about it. Otherwise, I'll just take 2 days of vacation every other week....or 1 per week and design a schedule that allows us to be together as much as possible while not interfering with her class schedule.

Trust me, it's not easy. We're 110 miles apart during most of the week. It's difficult not really living together, especially now that we're married. In some ways it doesn't really feel like we're married yet. If I were you, I'd strongly look at a job that's close to where she's going to school. I strongly believe you'll regret it otherwise.

 

[fLum0x]

Originally posted by: bunker
I don't think it's a tough call at all. I'd stay with my wife.