I Don't Think I Have The Patience To Be A Father

[NaOH]

So I'm renting out a room from my friend's house until December because I'm working at an office in Irvine. So I pretty much live with his mom and little brother (who is 18 years old). Now, he warned me ahead of time that his brother was a little "slow". Now, when I met him he didn't seem too bad. But after hanging out with him for 2 weeks (after work and sometimes on the weekends), I can't really stand talking to him anymore. I guess in
short, I see what my friend means now.

*Rant Portion*

First of all, he says the same things over and over. Everyday, he brings up the same topic and talks about it like I never talked to him about it before. The conversations I have with him usually go in circles and a lot of times it's just a struggle to understand what he is saying. Like one conversation:

::We see an iPhone commercial::
Me: I want one of those to replace my phone and ipod, but they're way too expensive.
Him: Yeah, it's higher than the PS3.
Me: What? I thought it was going to be about $500 bucks with a plan.
Him: Yeah, it's higher.
Me: What do you mean by higher?
::30 second pause::
Him: No one will buy it.

Plus, he always adds the phrase, "that's cool" to describe anything he sees and always asks me the strangest questions, barges in my room when I have the door slightly shut to play my xbox even when I'm in the middle of playing it.


*Meaningful part of post*

Now, I understand that he is supposed to be slow. Maybe I still expect him to act like an 18 year old regardless. But I was thinking about it and realized that if that were my kid, I would be a horrible dad. I mean I just can't talk to him for very long anymore before becomming frustrated. I'm just phased out by hanging out with him for even 10 minutes now. Also, his mom is planning to let him get his license and he's been trying to pass the written test (but failed everytime, he only has one chance left). I also thought about this and I don't think I'd like having him on the roads. I mean, his motor skills aren't all normal either (although, it's hard to tell unless you play games or do a sport with him). I would want my kid to get his license too, but I don't know if I want to let someone of his condition take control of a deadly vehicle. For those of you who have children, is there really a feeling of unconditional love that takes over? Anyone care to give me a little insight into their experiences?

 

[paulxcook]

Remember that the majority of fathers don't have "slow" children like the one you've described here.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: paulxcook
Remember that the majority of fathers don't have "slow" children like the one you've described here.

Yeah, but I were to have a kid of that condition, I don't think I would deal with it very well. Kinda weakens my self confidence about normal children as well. I mean, kids are sometimes little unruly, mischevous goof offs aren't they.

 

[NuroMancer]

Wow man,

TBH I can't say I blame you for being a bit pissed off.

Maybe try help him understand that people have a right to their own private space?

If he gets his license race him with your civic! The idea of someone with limited motor skills controlling a car/truck scares me.

 

[broon]

It's different when they are your kids. Plus, some of your intolerance will make you not tolerate rude behavior from your children. Maybe they will turn out to be decent kids and behave in public.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: paulxcook
Remember that the majority of fathers don't have "slow" children like the one you've described here.

Yeah, but I were to have a kid of that condition, I don't think I would deal with it very well. Kinda weakens my self confidence about normal children as well. I mean, kids are sometimes little unruly, mischevous goof offs aren't they.

It's different when it's your own kid.

 

[paulxcook]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: paulxcook
Remember that the majority of fathers don't have "slow" children like the one you've described here.

Yeah, but I were to have a kid of that condition, I don't think I would deal with it very well. Kinda weakens my self confidence about normal children as well. I mean, kids are sometimes little unruly, mischevous goof offs aren't they.

I get what you're saying, and it's probably good that you're being this self-evaluative now.

Keep in mind that dealing with your friend's dim-witted 18 year old brother isn't the same as raising a baby from infancy, even if it turns out it has some intelligence issues as he/she grows up.

Maybe you're not cut out to be a father, some people aren't. Some people aren't and have kids anyway. But if I were you I wouldn't let this one situation be a determining factor.

 

[JulesMaximus]

It's completely different when you have a child of your own. I used to despise other people's children too. Trust me, it's completely different.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

 

[djheater]

My 9 year old daughter has slow cognitive processing, as a part of her dyslexia, and sometimes it irritates the crap out of me.

She generally needs a situation explained in full before she grasps an instruction. I can't stop her as she's walking out to play and say "get me the broom" and have her run and do it immediatiely. I have to say, "Satya, I need your help for a minute." When I'm sure I have her attention I then have to say "Your sister spilled the Cheerios, go to the closet and get me the broom and dustpan please."

I have never, ever, questioned my love for my daughter or gotten fed up and wished she would just go away or leave me alone. I love her as completely now as I did the first time I held her in my arms. That doesn't mean she doesn't get on my nerves sometimes, but you just take a breath, get over it, and continue parenting. That's life.

 

[engineereeyore]

As a father of three, I can tell you from experience, there are a lot of things you don't know about yourself. Love can truly change you in ways you never thought possible. That doesn't mean you won't get frustrated, upset, angry, or irritated, because you will. But it's up to you how you respond to this. Being a parent can provide you with the most challenging experiences of your life, but can also give you the most rewarding experiences as well. And amazingly enough, the two can happen within a 5 minute period.

Don't expect to be a perfect parent within 2 weeks and don't be too hard on yourself. It's taken your friend 18 years to get to where he is in his relationship with his brother. You've only had 2 weeks and you also don't have the same brotherhood bond. At the same time though, this could be a good experience for you in determining how you will/could conduct yourself as a parent.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

what, like blacks and asians? :roll:

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

Yeah I know the type. My brother's girlfriend is the same way. And she is the smartest in her family. Just the other day she was commenting on how ever since that whole Titanic incident she has been scared to get on a boat. She is 19.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

what, like blacks and asians? :roll:

Black people do all look alike. Well most do. But not asians. I cannot remember most black faces. I can meet the nicest black lady and not be able to pick her out of a crowd the next day.
And most mentally challenged kids and adults have a certain look of confusion on their faces at all times. And sometimes they walk funny.

 

[habib89]

it really will be different when it's your kid... there's gotta be some sorta natural predisposition to treat your child better than you would another

 

[V00DOO]

You'll change once you have your own children. I never like kids either but when it's yours it's different. When you look them you feel as they're part of you.

 

[Krazy4Real]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

what, like blacks and asians? :roll:

Black people do all look alike. Well most do. But not asians. I cannot remember most black faces. I can meet the nicest black lady and not be able to pick her out of a crowd the next day.
And most mentally challenged kids and adults have a certain look of confusion on their faces at all times. And sometimes they walk funny.

:roll:

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

what, like blacks and asians? :roll:

I remember hearing about how retarded people look the same due to genetics. Calm down, I stand corrected if I'm wrong.

 

[Queasy]

Raising a child that is yours from the moment that they are born to the time when they finally leave home is a completely different situation from renting out a room in house that happens to have a "slow" 18-year old. Doesn't even compare.

 

[Queasy]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Slow? You mean mentally challenged or retarded? Or not quite that bad?

I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

what, like blacks and asians? :roll:

I remember hearing about how retarded people look the same due to genetics. Calm down, I stand corrected if I'm wrong.

That's Down's Syndrome.

 

[jdini76]

<dennis>HELLOOOOOO MR. WILSON!</dennis>

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: NaOH
I don't know exactly. He's about to graduate HS, so I don't think he's mentally challenged or retarded (but I don't even know to what extent a person has to be to be declared that). He doesn't look retarded perse (you know how they all look a like?), he just looks normal except he dresses like a nerd/little kid. So I guess that's why they said he was slow (doesn't really think through things, reason that well, etc).

Graduating high school doesn't really mean anything. My little brother is legally mentally handicapped (acts like he's 8, poor motor function, etc) and he still "graduates" when he's 21 (in other words, you can't go to public school when you're 21).

He sounds a lot like my brother though. My brother also always repeats the SAME THING every day. It can get quite annoying, especially when you tell them to go away. A "conversation" might go like this:

Him: On September 18th, I was sick... I had a tummy ache. (note that it is now about 5 months from that)
Me: I don't care, be quiet.
Him: But it's Saturday, my faaaaavorite day of the week.
Me: Be quiet and go watch TV.
Him: *giggle* But I love to talk on Saturday.

It tends to go on and on and on until my mom would get tired of listening to me telling him to go away and she'd tell him to stop bothering me ( he'd only ever listen to my mom and dad, never anyone else ). As much as it seems cruel, imagine that one normal guy that never shut up and multiply that annoying-ness by many factors. Even more amusing, now that my (older) brother and I are gone, he annoys my mom now and where she didn't think he was that bad before... she even told me, "he just keeps talking!" I just laughed.

Although, he can be pretty amusing at times if you know how to deal with it. I was with him in Coconuts one time with my sister and they have 18+ DVDs. My brother is very literal and at the time he was 18. So, I pointed out these DVDs to him and was like "hey, these are for 18 year old boys!" Now, one thing he'd love to repeat is how old he was (typically, "I'm an ## year old boy!"), so mentioning something that is the exact age that he is would make him much more interested in it. So he picks up the DVD like he wants it and I tell him to show what he wants to buy to my sister (she was 15 at the time) .

:evil: !

I can also play video games with him, but he's not very good. I usually play racing or fighting games with him.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: djheater
My 9 year old daughter has slow cognitive processing, as a part of her dyslexia, and sometimes it irritates the crap out of me.

She generally needs a situation explained in full before she grasps an instruction. I can't stop her as she's walking out to play and say "get me the broom" and have her run and do it immediatiely. I have to say, "Satya, I need your help for a minute." When I'm sure I have her attention I then have to say "Your sister spilled the Cheerios, go to the closet and get me the broom and dustpan please."

I have never, ever, questioned my love for my daughter or gotten fed up and wished she would just go away or leave me alone. I love her as completely now as I did the first time I held her in my arms. That doesn't mean she doesn't get on my nerves sometimes, but you just take a breath, get over it, and continue parenting. That's life.

How'd you go about it when you first learned about it.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: NaOH

Originally posted by: djheater
My 9 year old daughter has slow cognitive processing, as a part of her dyslexia, and sometimes it irritates the crap out of me.

She generally needs a situation explained in full before she grasps an instruction. I can't stop her as she's walking out to play and say "get me the broom" and have her run and do it immediatiely. I have to say, "Satya, I need your help for a minute." When I'm sure I have her attention I then have to say "Your sister spilled the Cheerios, go to the closet and get me the broom and dustpan please."

I have never, ever, questioned my love for my daughter or gotten fed up and wished she would just go away or leave me alone. I love her as completely now as I did the first time I held her in my arms. That doesn't mean she doesn't get on my nerves sometimes, but you just take a breath, get over it, and continue parenting. That's life.

How'd you go about it when you first learned about it.

It put her behavior in context which made it easier to find an effective way of communicating with her that wasn't stressful to her.

My daughter in no way compares to low IQ, mental retardation, or handicap. She has an above average IQ, and is quite bright, thoughtful and kind. Her brain works a bit different though, and it's fascinating to see that.