I don't think I ever want to talk to my dad again..

[Hoeboy]

We were never really close. Us being an Asian family, he always pressured me to do good in school or otherwise. He's really old and it's getting to a point where I want to communicate and be closer to him. So I try to make small talk. Just a moment ago I asked if he knows there is a basketball game on cuz Jordan is playing. He couldn't hear me so I repeated myself 2-3 times. After about the 3rd time I just said nevermind, it's nothing. So what does he say? He walked off mumbling about me being a bad son. WTF. I swear I am hearing that SOOOOO many f*cken times that I'm starting to say I don't give a sh*t anymore. At first I was really pissed but now I'm just like whatever. I'm starting to give up and sway towards keeping my mouth shut for as long as I can. And he wonders why I never open up and tell him ANYTHING.

 

[j0lly]

No hearing aid?

 

[yobarman]

lol you asians...just plain WACKY!

 

[Hoeboy]

No but he sure did hear me fine when I said "nevermind, it's nothing." Mom just came in a moment ago blaming me and sh!t. I f*cken hate this. Sometimes I wish either they or I dissappear off the face of the earth. I just can't stand this "you're a bad son" bullsh*t anymore. You can imagine how much damage it does to your self esteem after hearing it day in and day out when you know you are trying your best.

 

[NakaNaka]

how old are you?

 

[jlee75]

<< how old are you? >>


under 18

[edit]
ok maturity of under 18. grow up dude. parents are parents. i'm not saying if someone's right or wrong, but saying that you wish they would disappear off the face of the earth is harsh, immature, and just stupid. I'd like you say that to your parents..... then see where you'll be :|

 

[Hoeboy]

just turned 21. i know i know. don't give me that either you move out or don't b*tch lecture. i don't need to hear it nor is it as simple as black and white.

 

[777joee]

I wish I could talk to my Dad he died in 1968 when I was 14. You will some day wish you would have never posted this.

 

[b0mbrman]

Yup. My asian-ish Dad (we're Filipino so call it what you want...) is like that too...eventually, you gotta just realize that they're just doing it for your good.

 

[Russ]

<< I don't think I ever want to talk to my dad again.. >>



Hoeboy,

Trust me when I tell you that would be a decision you would live to regret.

Russ, NCNE

 

[Hoeboy]

f*cken bullsh*t. don't tell me they are doing it for my good. i've heard that so many times it's sickening. it's good for me that's why i grew up keeping quiet to myself? how i was a social reject because i had no self esteem? how i don't even tell my family jacksh*t fearing they would yell at me? if that's good for me then sh*t, shoot me now.

 

[Hoeboy]

<<Hoeboy,

Trust me when I tell you that would be a decision you would live to regret.

Russ, NCNE>>


my mind admits to that but i don't think my heart gives a damn. it's been crushed too many times by the things they say or do.

 

[UberNeuman]

I can see where it might annoy you, but don't let it eat at you... If he says you're a "bad son", then ask him why he said that - if you're 21 and he feels that way, then you need to address it before the time comes that you can't...

 

[rutchtkim]

Coming from a korean background, I have never experienced that, and niether should you. Tell ur parents what the deal is and tell them exactly how you feel. They have no right to say that kind of stuff to you, they are the bad parents.

 

[Static911]

I'm 21 too and I can understand from Hoeboy's P-O-V. HIS INTENTIONS ARE GOOD; he wants to get closer with his father. Unfortunately, I think there is either communication barrier or cultural barrier between you two.

I think you will regret your title, but in the meantime, I actually sympathize with you.

I don't "its good for you" has any relevence here. You have to understand, Hoeboy was doing something with good intention (he wasn't smoking pot or anything)...he was trying to bond with his FATHER.

Just gotta bear it out until one day, everything will begin to click with your father.

static911

 

[Hoeboy]

<<ok maturity of under 18. grow up dude. parents are parents. i'm not saying if someone's right or wrong, but saying that you wish they would disappear off the face of the earth is harsh, immature, and just stupid. I'd like you say that to your parents..... then see where you'll be >>

maybe i'm sayign it out of anger but you know what? just because they made me doesn't mean i deserve any of this. when you see some deadbeat mom and dad physically abuse their kid, do you say "oh they just want the best for you. parents will be parents"??? no because being a parent DOES NOT end at giving birth. and no i won't say it to them but it doesn't stop me from feeling this way

 

[Static911]

I'm sure everyone has gone through this, but unfortunately for Hoeboy, well, he's 21 and still suffering through this.

IE: Mom's with PMS...O MAN! Watch out. No matter WHAT you do, they get pissed off.


static911

 

[Russ]

<< crushed too many times by the things they say or do. >>



Hoeboy,

I don't normally discuss personal things at this BBS, but I will in this case because this is important.

When I was a kid, my dad did things to my mother, my siblings, and I that would make even the strongest person wilt like a daisy in a steamroom. I have multiple physical scars because of his abuse. Even after all that, I regret never making amends with him before he died.

Do what you have to in order to try and understand your father.

Russ, NCNE

 

[LadyJessica]

You're first generation aren't you? Parents tend to stick with the old ways because their parents were like that and their parents were like that, etc.

 

[Scrapster]

*cken bullsh*t. don't tell me they are doing it for my good. i've heard that so many times it's sickening. it's good for me that's why i grew up keeping quiet to myself? how i was a social reject because i had no self esteem? how i don't even tell my family jacksh*t fearing they would yell at me? if that's good for me then sh*t, shoot me now.

Listen to me. I knew my dad was an idiot when I was 12 years old. Because of him I moved out at 16. I'm 21 now and still barely talk to him (approx. once every 6 months). I still think he's an idiot. And here's the kicker. The ultimate revenge to dumbass parents is to be as successful as possible and then just don't talk to them. Pretty cool, eh?

 

[Gonad the Barbarian]

Come back with a 'bad father' of your own and see if he hears that. I was at odds with my dad for a long time until we finally had an all-out-on-the-verge-of-physical-violence fight. Mom was in the middle holding us apart, it was that nasty. Things sucked for a while after that, we had nothing to do with each other, until I made the first move to try and salvage some kind of relationship with him. Things went really well after that and we're closer now than we've ever been. We actually go out to eat about every week and talk about stuff in a man-to-man way. A lot of it had to do with me acting mroe like an adult, but also him seeing me as one.

 

[lowtech1]

<< I asked if he knows there is a basketball game on cuz Jordan is playing >>



It could be that he doesn't understand what you are talking about, because of the cultural diff therefore he may pretend not to hear you.

The better way to approach him is to ask him to reminiscent the past (what he though was fun, what he like to eat in the old country, what his family was like, the grand parent, etc...).

It is better to get to know your father as a man than remember him as a tyrant and a provider.

 

[Pocatello]

I think it's time for you to move out. Believe me, when you're at that certain age when you want to be away from your parent, not because you don't love them, but you want to be independent and be on your own. Sometimes a little distance will draw family closer, and relieve some built up pressure over the years. By the way, I know exactly how you feel, I'm the same with my dad and we're Asian. Although I love him and he loves me, we have a hard time communicate to each other. The only time me and him can really talk to each other is when we go fishing, camping or hunting, but we rarely do that anymore.