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I don't know what to do...

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Originally posted by: minendo
I never said he didn't. However, take a look at his previous posts to see how many times he has posted regarding his boyfriend. Already this week alone he has posted two threads discussing his boyfriend's situation.
Click to expand...

So what? The situation is obviously evolving. If you don't want to read it, don't click the thread. This debate went round and round in aidanjm's thread yesterday and it's dense.

 
Originally posted by: MmmSkyscraper
Originally posted by: minendo
I never said he didn't. However, take a look at his previous posts to see how many times he has posted regarding his boyfriend. Already this week alone he has posted two threads discussing his boyfriend's situation.
Click to expand...

So what? The situation is obviously evolving. If you don't want to read it, don't click the thread. This debate went round and round in aidanjm's thread yesterday and it's dense.
Click to expand...

And yet Freedomsbeat and Mjuszczak are (were) harassed about their threads.
 
I dunno.... If you let him crash at your place it will change your relationship, probably for the worst. However, maybe its more important to help him get self sufficient than it is to be in a 'relationship'. Just realize that you need to identify exactly how much help you're willing to give him and for how long. Share those with him, and then stick to those boundaries.

 
I think what you really need is better BF selecting skills.

It seems that you are constantly having to drive them around and/or take care of them.
 
I'll have to run the public transit idea by him. His choices are very limited. I know people who ride bikes to work and school. So perhaps a bike?
He just needs a place to stay and the Junior College doesn't have dorms. When his mom is gone, he is out.
I would gladly let him stay if we had a third bedroom and he paid part of the bills. But we don't.
 
Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude
I dunno.... If you let him crash at your place it will change your relationship, probably for the worst. However, maybe its more important to help him get self sufficient than it is to be in a 'relationship'. Just realize that you need to identify exactly how much help you're willing to give him and for how long. Share those with him, and then stick to those boundaries.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I don't want to throw myself into that situation.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
My bf goes to school full time and works half time, but his place of employment has been cutting his hours quite a bit. He has no car.

He lives an hour away from school and relies on his friend to go to school.
His friend is moving in two weeks.
He replies on his mom's car to get to work, which is 20 minutes away.
His mom is moving in 2 months.
His parents won't help him with a car.
He will have no place to stay and no place to go.

I'm not going to buy him a car, and he is not moving in with me, at least not as my bf.

What would you do in this situation for your GF or BF of 3 months and 6 days?
I don't know what to do.
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If you don't feel close enough to do the move in thing, then you're in kind of a tight spot and it will probably put an increased strain on your relationship.

Sounds like he is working part time to get by and going to school. He is now going to get to use public transportation, which will depend on where you are, or he can ride a bike or he is going to have to reduce his school load and work more so that he can afford what he needs to.

He's in a bad situation, and he's going to remember it if you don't help him out. Do your best to be supportive and find a solution. It depends a lot on the particulars but I think the best bet is for him to move closer to school and maybe find a job closer by. It is possible to get by without a car but you have to limit your range of motion somewhat.

I'd say be honest with him about why you don't want him to move in, if he is asking to. Could you loan him the money for a car? The downside to this is it also comes with upkeep costs and if he is barely keeping his head above water this will be a bad move. Does he currently live with mother, since he is using her car?

 
I'm just wondering if he should drop school for now to work full time somewhere, then go back next semester when he is on his feet.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
I'll have to run the public transit idea by him. His choices are very limited. I know people who ride bikes to work and school. So perhaps a bike?
He just needs a place to stay and the Junior College doesn't have dorms. When his mom is gone, he is out.
I would gladly let him stay if we had a third bedroom and he paid part of the bills. But we don't.
Click to expand...

Sounds like the distances he has to go are a bit far to bike it all the time, especially if the weather turns bad (unless he can get a cheap place close to campus). That would put him away from his job though so he'd have to get once closer too.

er..if he is your BF why not have him stay in your room? It's not like he's a complete stranger who is going to strangle you in your sleep.

Edit: ok, I see you reasoning above
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
I'll have to run the public transit idea by him. His choices are very limited. I know people who ride bikes to work and school. So perhaps a bike?
He just needs a place to stay and the Junior College doesn't have dorms. When his mom is gone, he is out.
I would gladly let him stay if we had a third bedroom and he paid part of the bills. But we don't.
Click to expand...

Third bedroom?
one for you, one for him and one for??
 
Originally posted by: Turin39789
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
My bf goes to school full time and works half time, but his place of employment has been cutting his hours quite a bit. He has no car.

He lives an hour away from school and relies on his friend to go to school.
His friend is moving in two weeks.
He replies on his mom's car to get to work, which is 20 minutes away.
His mom is moving in 2 months.
His parents won't help him with a car.
He will have no place to stay and no place to go.

I'm not going to buy him a car, and he is not moving in with me, at least not as my bf.

What would you do in this situation for your GF or BF of 3 months and 6 days?
I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...


If you don't feel close enough to do the move in thing, then you're in kind of a tight spot and it will probably put an increased strain on your relationship.

Sounds like he is working part time to get by and going to school. He is now going to get to use public transportation, which will depend on where you are, or he can ride a bike or he is going to have to reduce his school load and work more so that he can afford what he needs to.

He's in a bad situation, and he's going to remember it if you don't help him out. Do your best to be supportive and find a solution. It depends a lot on the particulars but I think the best bet is for him to move closer to school and maybe find a job closer by. It is possible to get by without a car but you have to limit your range of motion somewhat.

I'd say be honest with him about why you don't want him to move in, if he is asking to. Could you loan him the money for a car? The downside to this is it also comes with upkeep costs and if he is barely keeping his head above water this will be a bad move. Does he currently live with mother, since he is using her car?
Click to expand...

Yes. He lives with his mom and her bf.
 
Originally posted by: Molondo
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
I'll have to run the public transit idea by him. His choices are very limited. I know people who ride bikes to work and school. So perhaps a bike?
He just needs a place to stay and the Junior College doesn't have dorms. When his mom is gone, he is out.
I would gladly let him stay if we had a third bedroom and he paid part of the bills. But we don't.
Click to expand...

Third bedroom?
one for you, one for him and one for??
Click to expand...

My roommate. I live in a two bedroom home with my roommate.
But if he moves in, I am not going to date him anymore. He is a good person and I like him, but if he moves in it's as friends.
 
Is this the same guy with all the trunk slamming drama the other day?
Seriously, it sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.
He needs to live near his school and also find a job that is near school.
 
Originally posted by: Chryso
Is this the same guy with all the trunk slamming drama the other day?
Seriously, it sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.
He needs to live near his school and also find a job that is near school.
Click to expand...

I think he is frustrated. His options are very limited and it's putting him in a tight spot. I'm sure he is a bit stressed out.
 
Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy
What good is a bike going to do if he lives an hour's drive from school?

Get him a bus pass... and have him find a better job.
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Well the bike would be good if he moved here somewhere.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
My bf goes to school full time and works half time, but his place of employment has been cutting his hours quite a bit. He has no car.

He lives an hour away from school and relies on his friend to go to school.
His friend is moving in two weeks.
He replies on his mom's car to get to work, which is 20 minutes away.
His mom is moving in 2 months.
His parents won't help him with a car.
He will have no place to stay and no place to go.

I'm not going to buy him a car, and he is not moving in with me, at least not as my bf.

What would you do in this situation for your GF or BF of 3 months and 6 days?
I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...
Sounds like he needs to learn how to solve his life's problems on his own.
 
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