- Oct 31, 2000
- 27,519
- 2
- 81
- I'm going to keep updating this thread, in case it can be of any help any other ATers who could use any help 
I feel akward telling a bunch of geeks on AT this, but this community has been very important to me over the past couple of years, so why not share an important piece of who I am with AT.
I've been dreading telling anyone this for a long time, but the question has never really come up wiht my family, and I've hidden it from my best friend since we met. I didn't want to be one of those people who lived fake lives, only to tell their wife and kids they were gay after a 10 year disfunctional marriage or something like that. Why should I fear being who I am, and fear people's reactions? I've finally gotten the nerve to let her know - after all, she is my best friend. I made a pact with myself a few months ago that I would tell her, but everytime I tried, I would either avoid the discussion all together, I'd chicken out.
Seriously, how hard can it be to tell your best friend that you're homosexual, especially considering that she is too? I agonized over it in my head, almost as if I was two people. Part of me would say "Just go it - it's only 3 little words - I AM GAY", the other would fear what kind of reaction I'd get from her, and not want to go through with it. The feeling of uncertainty is something I've never really had to cope with, and the uncertainty of her reaction scared me. Woudl she stop being my friend, would our relationship suddenly change, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?!?!?! :Q
So today, I hung out at her house (she needed her computer fixed - it's always nice to find spyware and virus infested hardware, but that's another story, obviously!). I had told her yesterday that I needed to talk to her about something important today, so today was the day.
We ran a couple of errands - and on the way back to her place - I know I had to spill the beans. I didn't want this to be any kind of mushy announcement, just simple and to the point.
So, sitting at a red light I looked at her and said "Anna, I'm gay, and I just wanted to let you know. You're the first person I've told". I know I had this scared and confused look on my face, awaiting her reaction.
She laughed and asked if this was a joke. :frown:
That wasn't one of the reactions I thought she would have. In the days prior to today, I felt like one of those hurricane prediction computers, instead of spitting out multiple ways to obliterate Florida, I was calculating what her response would be - and that wasn't one of them. I was expecing something much more harsh. When I told her I was serious, she told me she was a little surprised, but that we were still cool and that she loved me. The weight had been lifted, and I felt like such an idiot for agonizing over something was really no big deal - I had made an elephant out of an ant.
So, one of my life's major mile markers has past, and I just wanted to let you guys know
: 9/25 evening edit: I just told my father - he's very supportive of me. For the first time, I really cried when I talked with him - and I'm usually a person who holds my emotions in. I felt comfortable telling my fahter and step-mother because my stepmother's best friend in gay, and they've been friends since grade school. I wasn't fearing really any rejection from them, and it wasn't what I got. I'm glad that I can finally be honest with some of the people in my Family, and no longer have to lie to the people I love.
I can only hope that my mother takes it as well. I shall see when that day comes.
10/17 Edit: Told my sister:
I asked her to go watch a movie with me tonight, and she asked if her boyfriend could go tonight - and told her that I wanted it to be me and her. She showed up at my house late, and when she did show up I was getting dressed.
She just walked in and waited in my living room. As I was walking downstairs, told her that I really needed to talk to her about something important. AS I got downstairs, I came to find that she was here with her boyfriend :| At that point, I got a little aggravated and told her that I really didn't want anyone to be here, I wanted to talk with her privately.
Then they both got upset , and my sister started saying that she didn't understand why I had such a problem with her boyfriend - at that point, I just blurted it out in a smartass tone in front of both of them "I really wanted to tell you that I was gay privatly, I really don't feel that this is any of his business."
She started crying, and her boyfriend said he would leave us alone and he went outside. At that point, I basically told her everything I stated in my original post here. She then said that I couldn't be gay because I liked Mariah Carey. At that point, I replied back with "How could you not think I was gay after that?!?"
I asked her why she was crying - if anyone should have been crying it would be me. She told me, as she laughed, that she didn't know. Everything was cool after that, I just asked her not to tell my mother and step-father because I wanted to be the one to tell them. Her boyfriend told me that everything was cool (I was thinking "Great, now my life can go on now that I have YOUR approval :roll: ).
We went to the movie, and had a great night.
Update 11-7: Told my mother and stepfather
Wow - what an agonizing phone call, I'm glad it's finally over. I told my step father first, and his reaction was very positive. He asked me the typical question, how do you know?, have you ever been with anyone? etc, etc. I was upfront and as honest as possible. I wanted to talk to him just to gage any kind of reaction I would have with my mother. At that point I spoke to my mom, and the first 10 minutes of the conversation was of me talking, and crying. I wouldn't have ever imagined I would have gotten so emotional.
She started crying, and asking me all of the typical myriad of questions. She is now convinced that I'm just confused about my sexuality. I told her that I wasn't, but she still doesn't understand how I KNOW that I'm gay. Her reaction isn't unexpected, it is, in fact, what I've been expecting from all of my immediate family. I guess I'm fortunate to have a pretty accepting family. She asked my if I needed any help with these feeling, but I explained to her that the only issue I was having was telling her. The funny part of the conversation was when she asked "It's not because I had you work in the garden when you were a kid, was it?" :laugh:
At that point, I told her that I really loved her, and that I was glad to have been able to tell her without a negative reaction. Both of them came on the phone and said that they loved me, and that this wasn't changing anything. :heart:
I'm just glad that I was able to go through this whole situation with so much positivity, not only from my friends and family, but from the people on these forums whom I have met and become true friends with. You guys have helped so much, and I appreciate it. Hopefully this thread has helped anybody who has had and questions, and helped people see the other side. My door is always open for anyone who wants to talk, don't hesitate to PM me
I feel akward telling a bunch of geeks on AT this, but this community has been very important to me over the past couple of years, so why not share an important piece of who I am with AT.
I've been dreading telling anyone this for a long time, but the question has never really come up wiht my family, and I've hidden it from my best friend since we met. I didn't want to be one of those people who lived fake lives, only to tell their wife and kids they were gay after a 10 year disfunctional marriage or something like that. Why should I fear being who I am, and fear people's reactions? I've finally gotten the nerve to let her know - after all, she is my best friend. I made a pact with myself a few months ago that I would tell her, but everytime I tried, I would either avoid the discussion all together, I'd chicken out.
Seriously, how hard can it be to tell your best friend that you're homosexual, especially considering that she is too? I agonized over it in my head, almost as if I was two people. Part of me would say "Just go it - it's only 3 little words - I AM GAY", the other would fear what kind of reaction I'd get from her, and not want to go through with it. The feeling of uncertainty is something I've never really had to cope with, and the uncertainty of her reaction scared me. Woudl she stop being my friend, would our relationship suddenly change, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?!?!?! :Q
So today, I hung out at her house (she needed her computer fixed - it's always nice to find spyware and virus infested hardware, but that's another story, obviously!). I had told her yesterday that I needed to talk to her about something important today, so today was the day.
We ran a couple of errands - and on the way back to her place - I know I had to spill the beans. I didn't want this to be any kind of mushy announcement, just simple and to the point.
So, sitting at a red light I looked at her and said "Anna, I'm gay, and I just wanted to let you know. You're the first person I've told". I know I had this scared and confused look on my face, awaiting her reaction.
She laughed and asked if this was a joke. :frown:
That wasn't one of the reactions I thought she would have. In the days prior to today, I felt like one of those hurricane prediction computers, instead of spitting out multiple ways to obliterate Florida, I was calculating what her response would be - and that wasn't one of them. I was expecing something much more harsh. When I told her I was serious, she told me she was a little surprised, but that we were still cool and that she loved me. The weight had been lifted, and I felt like such an idiot for agonizing over something was really no big deal - I had made an elephant out of an ant.
So, one of my life's major mile markers has past, and I just wanted to let you guys know
: 9/25 evening edit: I just told my father - he's very supportive of me. For the first time, I really cried when I talked with him - and I'm usually a person who holds my emotions in. I felt comfortable telling my fahter and step-mother because my stepmother's best friend in gay, and they've been friends since grade school. I wasn't fearing really any rejection from them, and it wasn't what I got. I'm glad that I can finally be honest with some of the people in my Family, and no longer have to lie to the people I love.
I can only hope that my mother takes it as well. I shall see when that day comes.
10/17 Edit: Told my sister:
I asked her to go watch a movie with me tonight, and she asked if her boyfriend could go tonight - and told her that I wanted it to be me and her. She showed up at my house late, and when she did show up I was getting dressed.
She just walked in and waited in my living room. As I was walking downstairs, told her that I really needed to talk to her about something important. AS I got downstairs, I came to find that she was here with her boyfriend :| At that point, I got a little aggravated and told her that I really didn't want anyone to be here, I wanted to talk with her privately.
Then they both got upset , and my sister started saying that she didn't understand why I had such a problem with her boyfriend - at that point, I just blurted it out in a smartass tone in front of both of them "I really wanted to tell you that I was gay privatly, I really don't feel that this is any of his business."
She started crying, and her boyfriend said he would leave us alone and he went outside. At that point, I basically told her everything I stated in my original post here. She then said that I couldn't be gay because I liked Mariah Carey. At that point, I replied back with "How could you not think I was gay after that?!?"
I asked her why she was crying - if anyone should have been crying it would be me. She told me, as she laughed, that she didn't know. Everything was cool after that, I just asked her not to tell my mother and step-father because I wanted to be the one to tell them. Her boyfriend told me that everything was cool (I was thinking "Great, now my life can go on now that I have YOUR approval :roll: ).
We went to the movie, and had a great night.
Update 11-7: Told my mother and stepfather
Wow - what an agonizing phone call, I'm glad it's finally over. I told my step father first, and his reaction was very positive. He asked me the typical question, how do you know?, have you ever been with anyone? etc, etc. I was upfront and as honest as possible. I wanted to talk to him just to gage any kind of reaction I would have with my mother. At that point I spoke to my mom, and the first 10 minutes of the conversation was of me talking, and crying. I wouldn't have ever imagined I would have gotten so emotional.
She started crying, and asking me all of the typical myriad of questions. She is now convinced that I'm just confused about my sexuality. I told her that I wasn't, but she still doesn't understand how I KNOW that I'm gay. Her reaction isn't unexpected, it is, in fact, what I've been expecting from all of my immediate family. I guess I'm fortunate to have a pretty accepting family. She asked my if I needed any help with these feeling, but I explained to her that the only issue I was having was telling her. The funny part of the conversation was when she asked "It's not because I had you work in the garden when you were a kid, was it?" :laugh:
At that point, I told her that I really loved her, and that I was glad to have been able to tell her without a negative reaction. Both of them came on the phone and said that they loved me, and that this wasn't changing anything. :heart:
I'm just glad that I was able to go through this whole situation with so much positivity, not only from my friends and family, but from the people on these forums whom I have met and become true friends with. You guys have helped so much, and I appreciate it. Hopefully this thread has helped anybody who has had and questions, and helped people see the other side. My door is always open for anyone who wants to talk, don't hesitate to PM me
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