- Feb 8, 2001
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I am going to celebrate Earth Day! Yes, I am!
I am going to break out a fine bottle of French Champagne, perhaps the Laurent-Perrier Grand Siècle, yes, definitely the Grand Siècle! A blend of different crus and vintages, for the celebration is more than just about the year, it is about the experience of many years.
I have been involved with the ecology/environmental movement since I met Ralph Nader when I was a kid. That's a long time ago.
I feared the pending explosion of the population bomb even as I was trying to get into my teen girlfriend Susie's underpants, and I thoughtfully considered the impact the imminent, encroaching glaciers - the result of man-caused global cooling! - would have on my young life. The difficulty of getting through even more layers of clothing to get to Susie's underpants was more than I could possibly bear! To the ramparts for a worthy cause, mes amies!
Is it my imagination or are the low 70's Fahrenheit temperatures we are experiencing in Washington, DC these last few days a harbinger of an ever earlier Spring, a portent of Summer's heat and humidity and of the melting of the polar ice caps and the deaths of countless baby polar bears... or is that baby seals?
I will drink to short shorts and I will drink to g-strings at the beach, yes, I will! In my opinion, they are each worth the death of at least one small furry animal, hopefully eaten for the meat as well as the soft, warming fur they will no longer have any use for.
With the pop of a cork, I will celebrate the panics of 40 years and the joys of being a responsible eco-citizen in fighting the good fight against all of them in turn. Uh... with the exception of the last one, anthropogenic global warming, which is the biggest crock of all.
No matter the conditions in India and China, there is little air or water pollution here to concern ourselves about now. But the battle wages on.
The icebergs grow, shrink, grow again. The volcanoes continue to spew massive dust clouds that blot out the sun's warming rays. But the battle wages on.
The ecology/environmental movement is now a fully fledged enabler of Big Government, the takeover of whole industries and a final arbiter of every lifestyle. But the battle wages on.
So I raise my glass to all of the emotionally distressed victims of the overblown crises and the worthless panics and ever the lies that have been put forth as truths requiring ever more interference of Government in our lives.
I will thank God with every sip that after the first few years of wailing, all of the imagined panics have been over nothing much at all.
But I will save that last, precious, cooling sip of French champagne as a celebration of the blessings of a warm Summer and one good ol' boy's everlasting appreciation for how little now stands between other boys and every little Susie out there enjoying the undeniable benefits of global warming.
I am going to break out a fine bottle of French Champagne, perhaps the Laurent-Perrier Grand Siècle, yes, definitely the Grand Siècle! A blend of different crus and vintages, for the celebration is more than just about the year, it is about the experience of many years.
I have been involved with the ecology/environmental movement since I met Ralph Nader when I was a kid. That's a long time ago.
I feared the pending explosion of the population bomb even as I was trying to get into my teen girlfriend Susie's underpants, and I thoughtfully considered the impact the imminent, encroaching glaciers - the result of man-caused global cooling! - would have on my young life. The difficulty of getting through even more layers of clothing to get to Susie's underpants was more than I could possibly bear! To the ramparts for a worthy cause, mes amies!
Is it my imagination or are the low 70's Fahrenheit temperatures we are experiencing in Washington, DC these last few days a harbinger of an ever earlier Spring, a portent of Summer's heat and humidity and of the melting of the polar ice caps and the deaths of countless baby polar bears... or is that baby seals?
I will drink to short shorts and I will drink to g-strings at the beach, yes, I will! In my opinion, they are each worth the death of at least one small furry animal, hopefully eaten for the meat as well as the soft, warming fur they will no longer have any use for.
With the pop of a cork, I will celebrate the panics of 40 years and the joys of being a responsible eco-citizen in fighting the good fight against all of them in turn. Uh... with the exception of the last one, anthropogenic global warming, which is the biggest crock of all.
No matter the conditions in India and China, there is little air or water pollution here to concern ourselves about now. But the battle wages on.
The icebergs grow, shrink, grow again. The volcanoes continue to spew massive dust clouds that blot out the sun's warming rays. But the battle wages on.
The ecology/environmental movement is now a fully fledged enabler of Big Government, the takeover of whole industries and a final arbiter of every lifestyle. But the battle wages on.
So I raise my glass to all of the emotionally distressed victims of the overblown crises and the worthless panics and ever the lies that have been put forth as truths requiring ever more interference of Government in our lives.
I will thank God with every sip that after the first few years of wailing, all of the imagined panics have been over nothing much at all.
But I will save that last, precious, cooling sip of French champagne as a celebration of the blessings of a warm Summer and one good ol' boy's everlasting appreciation for how little now stands between other boys and every little Susie out there enjoying the undeniable benefits of global warming.
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