Human beings are vultures

[RearAdmiral]

That's what I thought after seeing my dad's mostly poor siblings fight over the scraps when my grandfather passed away. My mother's siblings are generally middle class and upper middle class yet they're fighting just as much, even though my grandmother is simply moving out of her house and into assisted living.

As others have said, it shows people's true colors.

I guess it is more that poor folk may have a higher disposition for those personality traits, or those personality traits have a higher likely hood to leading to decisions that don't create wealth.

We just moved my grandmother into assisted living and it went as smooth as can be. Everyone let a person have something if they had a special connection to it, and the daughters of my grandmother divvied up the remainder of special items, to no argument. My grandmother didn't have a lot of valuable things, but I don't think it would have gone down any worse if she did.

Either way I'm sorry and feel bad that you are seeing this behavior out of your family.

 

[Fritzo]

My dad's family is hyper materialistic. We're not, somwe don't get along with them. Primary reason why I chose to work a Saturday instead of going to my cousin's stupid wedding this summer. You should have seen all the expensive crap she had in the gift registry. Stuff she doesn't need.

My dad's cousin once commented that my parents house was really small in a real condecending way. It's about 2800sqft, so a standard issue 80s suburban home. They're the kind of folk that measure you up on what you have rather than what you are. Can't imagine what they think of me. Now my mom's family is the complete opposite. I get along with them a lot better.

Other folks I know are betting their entire retirement plan on their parents kicking the bucket and leaving them money and the house. Good luck with that.

So yeah, people are stupid.

That's a pretty large house actually. Maybe the room dimensions were small?

 

[Exterous]

It is very sad to see. We got to see this first hand when my wife's grandparents passed away. A lot of infighting and backstabbing over their possessions.

I'd be curious to know how much having a detailed will or trust would reduce this. I'm sure it wouldn't always help and people might feel slighted but it seems they would notably reduce the outright fighting

Some years ago, my sis made some small comment about who gets what. My bro, the oldest and executor, said, "There won't be any fighting. The house will burn down 1st." Guess that's settled.

:awe:

It's about 2800sqft, so a standard issue 80s suburban home.

Heh a 2800sqft house was not a standard issue suburban home in 2013 let alone the 80s

 

[IronWing]

In my family it has been just the opposite. "Don't make me deal with that junk, it'll all go straight to the landfill." I haven't had any relatives who left behind anything particularly valuable or sentimental and so far no arguments. The byline that popped up after the death of one relative and has kind of stuck with the family is "death is inconvenient".

 

[poofyhairguy]

I've noticed that issues like the op is talking about are usually started by one or two bad eggs in a group that end up bringing out the worst in everyone else. Most people really don't want to fight over the scraps someone else leaves behind. If left to their own devices they'd likely find an amicable way to deal with the estate.

Unfortunately there's always a sibling or other relative who moved away years ago while the others stayed and took care of the folks who will come swooping in to try and take as big a chunk of everything as they can. Of course this causes everyone else to dig in and resist them at every step. So it comes to pass that only one or maybe two people are really acting out of greed. They make everyone else angry enough to fight back, which makes them look as greedy as the others.

I think you nailed it here.

Often times a parent in a family is the mediator or buffer zone between different factions in that family. Their willingness to step in the middle to purposely bury family disfunction in order to not face it creates a situation where the relationship between family members depends on him/her to coexists amicably. You see this very often with mothers.

So when that family member dies, the factions that can't get along without that person are FORCED to get along and all the stuff makes for a convenient excuse to put all that buried disfunction out in the open.

So you are not seeing old relationships get wrecked, just already wrecked relationships being unearthed.

Feelings that more mature members of the family held back about the black sheep to "not upset mom" comes out. Less mature members act out their feelings and dig their hole deeper. It can be a mess.

 

[GrumpyMan]

I think you nailed it here.

Often times a parent in a family is the mediator or buffer zone between different factions in that family. Their willingness to step in the middle to purposely bury family disfunction in order to not face it creates a situation where the relationship between family members depends on him/her to coexists amicably. You see this very often with mothers.

So when that family member dies, the factions that can't get along without that person are FORCED to get along and all the stuff makes for a convenient excuse to put all that buried disfunction out in the open.

So you are not seeing old relationships get wrecked, just already wrecked relationships being unearthed.

Feelings that more mature members of the family held back about the black sheep to "not upset mom" comes out. Less mature members act out their feelings and dig their hole deeper. It can be a mess.

That's it exactly. When my mom died all the sisters in law no longer had a referee to keep them apart. It was a blood bath since they hate each other. They of course picked my moms house clean of the finest crystals, dishes, etc. Since my mom passed away, my family is no longer a family anymore, it splintered us. And my brothers of course wanted to stay out of it since they are married to the bitches. :\

 

[gotsmack]

I won't have that problem since I have a will drawn up already. The only things of value I own are my cookware and my car and neither of those are worth that much.

 

[BoberFett]

For all the hatred of the greedy rich, I find the greedy poor far more disgusting.

I got several cross stitchings of lighthouses that my grandma had done that are now hanging on my wall. I'm happy with that.

 

[jhansman]

My mother-in-law just passed on, and I've been warning my wife and her brother to stand by; the old girl didn't have that much to leave behind, but any day now I expect some a-hole "relative" to crawl out of the woodwork and claim inheritance rights. Fortunately, all her assets were held in a family trust, but that won't stop human nature. People are, by their very nature, greedy and out for themselves first. Plenty of exceptions out there, but human nature is what it is. This thin patina of what we lovingly call "civilization" wears away quickly when anything of value is at stake. Oh that it were not so, but alas....

 

[poofyhairguy]

For all the hatred of the greedy rich, I find the greedy poor far more disgusting.

The only difference is the amount of legal fees created. Rich people experience this through the legal system, poor people do it in mom's front yard.

 

[SamQuint]

Yep people suck.

What I think is funny are the kids that find out their parents took out a reverse mortgage after the parents die. Of course when they die the bank takes the house. In most cases the survivors are allowed to buy back the house at market price, not the amount of money given out in the reverse mortgage. There was an article about these children crying about how evil the banks were to take their family home. Hell the bank gave their parents money to live on and let them stay in their home for as long as they lived. Where were the kids when mom and dad needed money?

 

[ThinClient]

People suck.

Pretty much.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Yep people suck.

What I think is funny are the kids that find out their parents took out a reverse mortgage after the parents die. Of course when they die the bank takes the house. In most cases the survivors are allowed to buy back the house at market price, not the amount of money given out in the reverse mortgage. There was an article about these children crying about how evil the banks were to take their family home. Hell the bank gave their parents money to live on and let them stay in their home for as long as they lived. Where were the kids when mom and dad needed money?

I never got the outrage that was expressed when reverse mortgages became a thing on the news a few years back. Once you're out of the house your parents don't owe you shit. If mine plan their retirement well enough that they spend the last cent they got for the last thing they own moments before they die I'd be fine with that. Don't live your life expecting to hit a big payday because someone else dies. Earn your own money. Make your own life.

 

[mrjminer]

I tell my mom to make sure she has her life insurance up to date anytime she goes on a vacation somewhere and regularly joke about my older relatives being on their last legs. That's just my humor though. I like all of my relatives, even though one doesn't like me anymore. I hope they all live forever.

Some people just go crazy over money. I personally don't really care. I'd be fine with anything / not getting anything. There may be more things of theirs that I value sentimentally over monetarily, but I don't think anyone in my family would really have a problem giving up something that equates to someone else's reminder of a person's existence; I wouldn't. I'm actually more worried about what a couple of my other relatives would do when a couple of my relatives kick off.

Nobody in my family is rich, though. More like some lower class, some middle class. Maybe that is the difference.

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

Interesting thread. I had a couple grandparents die in the last year, but haven't heard much fighting among my uncles.

The only grandmother I really knew passed away a couple months ago. She was my grandfather's second wife. They only had one child (my youngest uncle) who likely got most of their inheritance. Which is too bad, because he is a pill head and will likely piss it down the drain.

 

[Imp]

So when that family member dies, the factions that can't get along without that person are FORCED to get along and all the stuff makes for a convenient excuse to put all that buried disfunction out in the open.

So you are not seeing old relationships get wrecked, just already wrecked relationships being unearthed.

Feelings that more mature members of the family held back about the black sheep to "not upset mom" comes out. Less mature members act out their feelings and dig their hole deeper. It can be a mess.

That's a pretty good explanation. Either the glue dies or the money is a medium for all the disdain between family members to come out.

Both of my parents disowned most of their siblings -- big families, talk to one or two of them. Mines isn't remotely "functional".

 

[Mai72]

The older I get the more I think materialism sucks. I guess I just look at things differently now. When I see a shiny car I'm not that impressed. When I notice a beautiful home I'm like meh.

We're all going to die.

 

[alkemyst]

Money is a helluva drug.

 

[monkeydelmagico]

My sister is a vulture. She literally puts her name on a piece of tape and affixes it to items she wants when the parents die. She has told my brother and I that if we do not contest a chosen item prior to death she will inheret it. She periodically checks to ensure her tape markers have not been disturbed. She has asked repeatedly to review the will. Not sure if mom n pops have allowed it. Don't really care. She can have every bit of it when the time comes. I'm going on vacation.

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

Just take solace in the fact that you have evolved from the animal like urges that we came from while these apes have not.

 

[waggy]

yeah people suck.

when my mom died and my oldest sister was executor of the estate we went thorugh it. it was a pain in the ass too. My sister took everything since there was no will and handed out scraps to the rest of us. I really didn't give a shit what i got.

the only thing that pissed me off was that my mother had my comic books and some sports collectibles (signed poster of ryan sandburg) that were mine and refused to give them to me. She thought they were worth a lot of money and wanted to sell them. heh silly women I wouldn't keep comics worth a lot at my moms!

So when my dad made his will he made me executor of the estate. she found out and her and my other sister went to my dad and step mom to complain. they raised holly hell about it and they said I wouldn't know what was worth what and they wouldn't get a fair share.

between that and my oldest sister trying to get the courts to take half of my step-moms inheritince when her dad died my parents went and took them out of the will. I get everything lol

 

[squarecut1]

The older I get the more I think materialism sucks. I guess I just look at things differently now. When I see a shiny car I'm not that impressed. When I notice a beautiful home I'm like meh.

We're all going to die.

The worst part about that is that society is getting even more materialistic. Money and things is everything to so many people these days.

 

[SlitheryDee]

My sister is a vulture. She literally puts her name on a piece of tape and affixes it to items she wants when the parents die. She has told my brother and I that if we do not contest a chosen item prior to death she will inheret it. She periodically checks to ensure her tape markers have not been disturbed. She has asked repeatedly to review the will. Not sure if mom n pops have allowed it. Don't really care. She can have every bit of it when the time comes. I'm going on vacation.

This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about earlier. If I had a sister who did that I would fight her claim just because I wouldn't want to see such behavior rewarded. It would become a huge deal and I'd probably end up looking just as bad as her to people outside the conflict. Just another family of vultures fighting over the scraps of a life someone else built for themselves.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Not all people are vultures. Just takes 1 vulture to convert a whole family into pack of rabid dogs though ....

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

Can't most of these issues be solved ahead of time with a detailed and up-to-date will?

I understand somebody passing suddenly at an early age. But grandparents and others over 50-60 should always keep a comprehensive will.