Huge problem - need advice

[Mister T]

Background:

I have been dating a girl for 3.5 years (we are both 23) and we both have professional jobs. She has a brother (19 years old) who is a freshman at an Ivy league school that plays a varsity sport. Her brother called my GF (her sister) tonight and informed her that he had a big problem.

Problem:

He owes $8,000 to a bookie by thanksgiving. He does not have the money. Long story short is that he lost the money his parents gave him as "spending money" for the semester and subsequently made large bets to attempt to recoup. He is now broke and owes $8,000. He has not yet asked his sister for money, just made him aware of the situation.

My girlfriend is not exactly swimming in cash, so if she were to bail her brother out, I would insist that she borrow the 8,000 from me since I have the ability to write that kind of check easier than she can. The question is what should be done here? Should we bail his @ss out so he does not have to tell the parents, or should we insist that he tell his parents?

To be clear, the issue for me is not the 8,000 bucks... He has a gambling problem that needs to be fixed. I need to know the best way to fix it. If that means getting the parents involved, then it probably should be done. On the other hand, this is a super delicate situation and my girlfriend is a wreck. Working out some kind of plan where I loan him money and he pays me back is not really feasible for him since he can't work (he is probably one of the top 100 college soccer players in the country).

I told my GF that he needs to come have a sit down conversation with both of us ASAP... he is arranging to meet us tomorrow night to discuss the problem. How should I proceed, and what should I advise my girlfriend on what to do?

 

[Azraele]

If he has a gambling problem, then it won't be solved by covering for him. I'd let the parents know. It's tough to see your g/f a wreck, but this needs to be addressed. Otherwise, it will happen again and again, and it will take a heavy emotional (and financial) toll.

 

[axelfox]

won't they break his legs if he doesn't pay? Or is that just for loan sharks?

 

[m2kewl]

cut her the check for the $8k, at the same time offer the bookie $2k to take the cash from him, then beat his ass to a bloody pulp to teach him a lesson to never ever pull a sh!tty stunt like this again!

(that's my $0.02 - YMMV)

 

[dawks]

let them break his legs. time he learns a lesson.

Bailing him out will only make his problem worse.

 

[radioactiveballpoint]

Doesn't matter if you give the money or not, but you'd better tell his parents

 

[Ameesh]

you dont write the check,get him to tell his parents

 

[yellowperil]

EDIT: I apologize, that was uncalled for

 

[dawks]

well chances are the parents are going to call the police or somthing similar.. and depending on the size of this 'bookie'.. he most likely has 'connections'. If he happens to get hasseled by the police because of this particular young idiot, they will do more then simply break his legs.

Tell him to suck it up, and pre-order some crutches.. maybe RossMAN can find him a hot deal on some accesories for his casts..

 

[RossMAN]

Originally posted by: DaZ
well chances are the parents are going to call the police or somthing similar.. and depending on the size of this 'bookie'.. he most likely has 'connections'. If he happens to get hasseled by the police because of this particular young idiot, they will do more then simply break his legs.

Tell him to suck it up, and pre-order some crutches.. maybe RossMAN can find him a hot deal on some accesories for his casts..

I have a good pair of crutches, only used twice (first time right ankle, second time left ankle) that I'd part with for $10 plus $20 FedEx shipping.

Seriously though offering to bail him out is NOT going to fix his gambling problem. He has a very serious addiction that he needs help with. You should all meet with his parents, if that's possible (not sure how far you guys are from his parents).

 

[lilFajita]

You definetly need to speak with the kid and talk about why he went down that path. More than likely, he has a serious problem, and somehow needs to address it. If he is scared to tell his parents, perhaps your girlfriend could act as a mediary and talk to the parents first. If you think the parents would just totally freak out or something, then perhaps you and your girlfriend could guide him to help (a group or something), and loan him the money, expecting that he follow through on getting help.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Ameesh
you dont write the check,get him to tell his parents

 

[isekii]

writing him a check seems like such an easy way out for him..

for person that's attending ivy league .. he sounds pretty damn stupid~

I'd say let him handle it~..

i'm sure he'll know what to do~

 

[thomsbrain]

i wouldn't write him the check because you will never see the money again. even if he has good intentions when he accepts the money, he's got a problem too big for him to handle. the money will be gone before it even makes it to the bookie. i don't really know what you can do to help him, but that sure isn't the answer. he better start by getting a job. maybe if he's lucky the bookie will let him live and pay it off in instalments.