Hubby can't get over wife's past

[sixone]

We will have to agree to disagree. It is very shady because chances are he would never peruse a relationship with her if he knew. I'm pretty sure she knew that...and that's why she "hoped" he would never find out.

Spin it all you want, it's VERY shady.

Don't blame the victim. She torpedo future marriage and kids/family by not telling him.

Again, we don't know that she quit, that's not a FACT.




It's his decision at the end of the day. you call him an idiot if he leaves. I say regardless if he stays or leaves "I can understand".



SHE made it happen, don't blame him. Correct, and whatever he chooses is fine. But I don't think he would be stupid he left her. Their entire foundation of their marriage/relationship is based on a lie/with holding information. It's a big one if you ask me.

You're contradicting yourself here. If the power to decide now is all his, so is the responsibility for the consequences of his choice.

It's his choice, not hers. That's the consequence she gets for choosing not to tell him before they married.

 

[CVSiN]

Doing porn is something that should be illegal to NOT tell your partner. It takes a special fucked up person mentally to actually go through and do it. A partner needs to know if their significant other has serious sexual trauma (which most in porn do) and needs to know what they are getting themselves into.

It's almost like most people are naive and think "oh, so they had some wilder days in their past"....it's not that, they are almost every single time fucked up in the head and have a serious past of sexual trauma that will keep rearing it's ugly head every so often.

You obviously have never even been around the "lifestyle" you are so off base it's not even in the same dimension as real life..

I have known and still know several women in the industry and even more in the "lifestyle" to us sex is just sex...
it is fun it feels good end of story.

the women I know that are in the industry love what they do they are not traumatized as you say.
They still have fully functional private lives as well as have great sex for a living..
you cannot beat that.

You sound like the typical person that really has no clue except what mainstream ( religious motivated) media wants you to believe.

Swingers and Porn Stars and even High Dollar Call Girls are not damaged sexual goods..

 

[TechAZ]

You obviously have never even been around the "lifestyle" you are so off base it's not even in the same dimension as real life..

I have known and still know several women in the industry and even more in the "lifestyle" to us sex is just sex...
it is fun it feels good end of story.

the women I know that are in the industry love what they do they are not traumatized as you say.
They still have fully functional private lives as well as have great sex for a living..
you cannot beat that.

You sound like the typical person that really has no clue except what mainstream ( religious motivated) media wants you to believe.

Swingers and Porn Stars and even High Dollar Call Girls are not damaged sexual goods..

My opinions and statements are not born out of media and news. Knowing several != the vast majority.

 

[CVSiN]

My opinions and statements are not born out of media and news. Knowing several != the vast majority.

you do know the porn industry is actually very small right..
girls and the guys ALL know each other..
they talk and so do we.

You are coloring your statements with personal bias against people of free sexuality..
which is baseless.

We are not talking basement porno we are talking main stream billion dollar business where the actresses have and do cross more and more into mainstream.

Sexuality is not a bad thing.. religions would want to make you think so.. but it is not true.

 

[TechAZ]

you do know the porn industry is actually very small right..
girls and the guys ALL know each other..
they talk and so do we.

You are coloring your statements with personal bias against people of free sexuality..
which is baseless.

We are not talking basement porno we are talking main stream billion dollar business where the actresses have and do cross more and more into mainstream.

Sexuality is not a bad thing.. religions would want to make you think so.. but it is not true.

1. I am not religious
2. I have no problem with highly sexual behavior. I have a couple friends that are/were swingers
3. Porn Stars and Strippers are BOTH using sex as not a feeling, but as a way of dealing with their fucked up emotions. Money is easy and their brains are wired to recreate sexual trauma.

 

[PingSpike]

and what is exactly is different than any of those things you said?

it's not.. its porn.. this isn't murder.. sex is sex rather with a prostitute a porn star a one night stand or whatever.. that is YOUR hangup. The fact that you separate sex into acceptable categories is your problem.

And the Gay Porn for a male comparison was ridiculous.. even if she did girl girl that is far more acceptable in mainstream than gay male porn. girl girl in porn doesn't even count as "gay"

Stop it you're killed me!

 

[CVSiN]

1. I am not religious
2. I have no problem with highly sexual behavior. I have a couple friends that are/were swingers
3. Porn Stars and Strippers are BOTH using sex as not a feeling, but as a way of dealing with their fucked up emotions. Money is easy and their brains are wired to recreate sexual trauma.

#3 total and complete bullshit. and I would love to see some of your data to back this up as other that streetwalker quality strippers that is not true at all.

If you really were into Swinging or knew some that are open enough to talk to you about the lifestyle even if you are not one of them, you would understand that as it takes the exact same mindset to do porn as it does to swing.

It's sex.. it's fun and it feels good..
nothing else nothing more..
Porn Queens and Porn Kings do not do it because they are forced into it and most came from other walks of life.
They do it because they are attractive sexual people and know it can make them a buck to do what they love to do in the first place..

I would do it in a second.. who really wouldn't.. get paid to have sex with beautiful people for a shitload of money ( if you are a porn queen men don't get paid shit in comparison)

 

[Vdubchaos]

You're contradicting yourself here. If the power to decide now is all his, so is the responsibility for the consequences of his choice.

It's his choice, not hers. That's the consequence she gets for choosing not to tell him before they married.

I don't see how I'm contradicting myself. Please explain.

The power to decide is all his, but responsibility for the consequences are all on HER. It was her fault for not telling him.

His choice is a result of her in actions.

 

[Vdubchaos]

#3 total and complete bullshit. and I would love to see some of your data to back this up as other that streetwalker quality strippers that is not true at all.

If you really were into Swinging or knew some that are open enough to talk to you about the lifestyle even if you are not one of them, you would understand that as it takes the exact same mindset to do porn as it does to swing.

It's sex.. it's fun and it feels good..
nothing else nothing more..
Porn Queens and Porn Kings do not do it because they are forced into it and most came from other walks of life.
They do it because they are attractive sexual people and know it can make them a buck to do what they love to do in the first place..

I would do it in a second.. who really wouldn't.. get paid to have sex with beautiful people for a shitload of money ( if you are a porn queen men don't get paid shit in comparison)

I wouldn't do it.

You are forgetting about few things. Disease is wide spread amongst porn stars.

Also throw intimacy out the window (you will never have it).

And they don't ALL get paid very well.

 

[surfsatwerk]

1. I am not religious
2. I have no problem with highly sexual behavior. I have a couple friends that are/were swingers
3. Porn Stars and Strippers are BOTH using sex as not a feeling, but as a way of dealing with their fucked up emotions. Money is easy and their brains are wired to recreate sexual trauma.

lulz

 

[sixone]

I don't see how I'm contradicting myself. Please explain.

The power to decide is all his, but responsibility for the consequences are all on HER. It was her fault for not telling him.

His choice is a result of her in actions.

If the decision is his, so are the consequences of his decision.

The consequences of her decision are dealing with the devastation he's feeling, and the loss of trust. But anything beyond that is on him.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Knowing several != the vast majority.

"You only know a couple porn stars, so you have no idea what the majority are thinking. I know exactly zero porn stars, which makes me an expert on what each and every single porn star and stripper on Earth is thinking."

I have known people who worked as porn stars, strippers and escorts, and without fail, every single one of them enjoyed their job because it gave them an opportunity to not only express their sexuality, but get paid through the nose for it. The notion that a public expression of female sexuality is inherently the result of sexual trauma is unbelievably sexist; you're taking all power away from the women and saying that they are a slave to a perceived sexual trauma that you assume they went through. What a preposterous load of bullshit. Sure, there are undeniably women who get trapped in that lifestyle because of sexual trauma in their past, and that's a sad situation. But you're extrapolating that to all women in the industry and saying that the only reason women would do that sort of work is because of past sexual trauma, and that's demonstrably false. And then you take it a step further and say that any woman who has done this has given her husband grounds for divorce, because apparently the "expression of past sexual trauma" is a good reason to not stay with your wife; you wouldn't want damaged goods, now would you?

 

[kache]

So she sucked 1.23x10^11 penis to break the world record but that was the past. :biggrin:

At least she knows how to do a proper bj now.

 

[Vdubchaos]

If the decision is his, so are the consequences of his decision.

his decision is a consequence of her deception. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't blame the victim. Blame her.

The consequences of her decision are dealing with the devastation he's feeling, and the loss of trust. But anything beyond that is on him.

The consequences of her decision to not share this info will be decided by him and TODAY it will be her husband, children and family that will have to suffer.

Before marriage it would've been NOBODY.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to know all this. She gambled with her family/children and will most likely lose/damage ALL now.

 

[sixone]

his decision is a consequence of her deception. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't blame the victim. Blame her.

He's not a victim. She didn't do anything wrong during the course of their relationship. During the years that he didn't know about it, he suffered zero consequences at all.

And even now that he knows, the consequences are really not all that serious, compared to the crap life throws at people without giving them any choice at all. This isn't going to be easy, but it's not nearly comparable to a terminal disease, a financial disaster, or something like Hurricane Sandy, for example.

The consequences of her decision to not share this info will be decided by him and TODAY it will be her husband, children and family that will have to suffer.

Before marriage it would've been NOBODY.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to know all this. She gambled with her family/children and will most likely lose/damage ALL now.

Not true. If she'd told him before, he would have had to decide whether to end the relationship, or spend the rest of his life worrying about people finding out, about their kids finding out. Either way, he'd be hurt and disappointed, just as he is now. Not having this hanging over his head for the last five years may not amount to much, but it should count for something.

 

[CVSiN]

I wouldn't do it.

You are forgetting about few things. Disease is wide spread amongst porn stars.

Also throw intimacy out the window (you will never have it).

And they don't ALL get paid very well.

Sex does not = intimacy that is a falsehood
my partner and I share our own bonds and that has nothing to do with sex. not to mention there is a HUGE difference between porn star sex/Swinger sex and making love with the one you care about,


there has not been but 1 HIV issue and that was in 2004.

There is quite a bit of biased ( religious motivated and government motivated) findings and VERY small studies with non A list porn stars that have skewed the results quite a bit.
Not to mention the studies were on VERY small groups of people. ( the only qualification on those studies were to have been in ANY adult video in the last 30 days.
And the sample size was only 200.

If you did a study like that in my time in the military the results would be staggering as well. going to sick bay for a swab and a shot was very very common ask any corpsman especially after port visits.

The A list stars the issues are few and far between.
but that's ok I expect that from the general public.

 

[SP33Demon]

I wonder if he has issues using a public restroom. Think of all the ass it sees.

 

[stag3]

lol this is why six is on my IL.

 

[Vdubchaos]

He's not a victim. She didn't do anything wrong during the course of their relationship. During the years that he didn't know about it, he suffered zero consequences at all.

That's where we differ. Yes she did. She didn't disclose important information to him about her past that he SHOULD KNOW/CONSIDER before marrying her.

But now him and his family/friends will suffer consequences.

And even now that he knows, the consequences are really not all that serious, compared to the crap life throws at people without giving them any choice at all. This isn't going to be easy, but it's not nearly comparable to a terminal disease, a financial disaster, or something like Hurricane Sandy, for example.

Correct, but it's embarrassing and VERY hard to live with from a males perspective.

Not true. If she'd told him before, he would have had to decide whether to end the relationship, or spend the rest of his life worrying about people finding out, about their kids finding out. Either way, he'd be hurt and disappointed, just as he is now. Not having this hanging over his head for the last five years may not amount to much, but it should count for something.

You are assuming he would stay though. It would hurt LOT less and no kids/family foundation behind it. Less impact.

And yes it does count for something, correct.

 

[kache]

I can't believe people actually considering having background as a pornstar or escort/ecc as a bad thing...

 

[poopaskoopa]

I skimmed the pages. No pics or names revealed?

 

[silverpig]

Doing porn is something that should be illegal to NOT tell your partner. It takes a special fucked up person mentally to actually go through and do it. A partner needs to know if their significant other has serious sexual trauma (which most in porn do) and needs to know what they are getting themselves into.

It's almost like most people are naive and think "oh, so they had some wilder days in their past"....it's not that, they are almost every single time fucked up in the head and have a serious past of sexual trauma that will keep rearing it's ugly head every so often.

BS. I can't find it right now but I read about a recent study that said that women in the sex industry aren't any more likely to have been abused than "normal" women, and have the same as, or healthier, sex lives outside of work than "normal" women do.

 

[sandorski]

Sex does not = intimacy that is a falsehood
.

I think that really depends on the person. For some it is, for some it isn't.

 

[randomrogue]

Sounds like a confession. I have not once done this.

lol I don't have a sister

I just had to come up with something fucked up and that seemed like a good one

 

[randomrogue]

I wouldn't do it.

You are forgetting about few things. Disease is wide spread amongst porn stars.

Also throw intimacy out the window (you will never have it).

And they don't ALL get paid very well.

This is not true. Disease rates are far higher in the general population.

You're really just making shit up and it's very transparent.