How's this for an odd email to a friend? *UPDATE- SHE REPLIED!* w/pic

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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
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So I haven't spoken to a friend in a while... Instead of saying "Hi, how are you, what are you up to?" I sent her this odd, meaningless letter.. Do you think I scared her away or what? BTW, I'm not romantically attached to her nor do I plan to be..

So I was eating some broccoli the other day... You know, the no-frills variety that you can find at your local superstore... I picked up a case (not a bag, mind you...a fvcking case) of flash frozen broccoli one day. I went to the store looking for shoe laces but, since I couldn't find any, instead spent my hard earned money on the broccoli.. Seventy four glorious six pound bags of frozen broccoli... I was worried about it not fitting in my tiny ultra-compact but my girlfriend and her mother agreed to take the bus home.... So flash forward to yesterday night...I was sitting at home alone watching the endless cycle of "MTV Music Video Awards" reruns...My girlfriend and her mom went clubbing so I was pretty bored and mildly depressed.... You know, after watching the MVA's seventeen times that kiss between Madonna and Britney becomes much less shocking and ends up as more of a curiosity than anything else. I was sitting watching 50-Cent accept some award for his "birfday" song when a hunger suddenly engulfed my body- I wanted some broccoli and I wanted it NOW... I ran to the refrigerator and was happy to find that thirteen of the seventy four six pound bags remained... While looking through the fridge I also noticed that the bulk pack of cheese that I purchased last year was nearing its expiration date... Instead of panicking I just relied on my endless wit and intelligence - I decided that I would melt the cheese and put it on the broccoli! Bizarre, crazy, a little naive... Dangerous, even... I knew the possible consequences but threw caution out the window... Like an Arab with C4 strapped to his chest, I was a man on a mission.. I nuked the cheese and broccoli for exactly three minutes and fourteen seconds....A Russian physicist named Boris Kerplunken discovered that it takes exactly three minutes and thirteen seconds to melt shredded cheese while simultaneously cooking the veggies that it covers... I was feeling a bit risqué that night so I added an extra second. Now, you may be on the edge of your seat right now and may be filled with many questions... Since I'm writing this letter it is obvious that I survived this experiment but, at what cost? Perhaps we'll talk in the future about the ethical and philosophical repercussions of my dance with death...
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oH yEAH.. The Shampoo rant for those who are interested... Not really that funny, but the fact that I turn this in to a VERY anal media criticism professor was kinda funny..

**Update**
She finally replied! She apologized for the delay, thanked me for the email, and said that she was going through a tough breakup right now... So she wasn't ignoring me! And she called me crazy sam! yay! She also made slight innuendo about me writing her at an "interesting" time since she just brokeup - innuendo that I'll ignore since I'm in a relationship but that I'll still brag about since she's cute!
 
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crisp82

Golden Member
Apr 8, 2002
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Since I'm writing this letter it is obvious that I survived this experiment but, at what cost?
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We know the cost now don't we. Read that e-mail to yourself.....oh...and go see your doc...you have brocolli poisoning...
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
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Originally posted by: AgaBooga
LMAO! Thats funny...

Seriously, you must love broccoli, don't you?
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Well, my relationship with broccoli isn't that simple... Love/hate would define it if you want it described in simplistic, human terms..
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Originally posted by: crisp82
Since I'm writing this letter it is obvious that I survived this experiment but, at what cost?
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We know the cost now don't we. Read that e-mail to yourself.....oh...and go see your doc...you have broccoli poisoning...
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The intended reaction was for her to say "I should email him sometime" though I could see how I can be viewed as suffering from broccoli poisoning from the letter... now I have to run and sh1t green for a few hours..
 
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crisp82

Golden Member
Apr 8, 2002
1,920
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If you were to go in the garden and hold yor hands in the air, would you blend in with the trees?
 
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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
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Originally posted by: crisp82
If you were to go in the garden and hold yor hands in the air, would you blend in with the trees?
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I don't know.. But my mom did try to prune me.. I thought that she was just pissed at me for eating all of the vanilla wafers...
 
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joecool

Platinum Member
Apr 2, 2001
2,934
2
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funny and amazingly wierd, all at the same time ...

i'd be guessing you'll never hear from that person again!
 
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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
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Originally posted by: joecool
funny and amazingly wierd, all at the same time ...

i'd be guessing you'll never hear from that person again!
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Yeah, she hasn't replied and she's been ignoring my IMs.. Oh well, at least I got the last laugh ;)
 
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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Originally posted by: Vaerilis
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Originally posted by: Vaerilis
Why on Earth did you need 444lbs of broccoli?
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Well, I only needed 375lbs but it was a REALLY good deal.
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It's Valkyre! The drug! Snap out of it!
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Actually, it was lack of sleep,hunger, and boredom mixed with me forgetting to take my ritalin...
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
So the girl I emailed it to never replied. But I was talking about the email to another friend and she demanded that I forward it to her... She started cracking up and told me that she was jealous, didn't know that side of me, and told me that no one is cool enough to send her emails like that.. So now I gotta think of a cooler email to send her tonight ;) So, I freaked out one person and another wants a story of her own.. I'm like Jerry Seinfeld -always breaking even ...
 
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