How to tell wife they waste to much money

bctbct

Diamond Member
Dec 22, 2005
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Well, best approach?

I am thinking about saying something to the effect that we should track finances for a month to see where we can save.

Hoping she will see that she once spent $80 shipping a pogo stick from New York City to our daughter for a gift while she was on vacation.

Pogo stick was from ToysRUs....which is located 5 miles from our home BTW
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
72,376
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You should be tracking all spending anyway. I would just start tracking w/o any discussion of excessive spending. Let the numbers do the talking. Also, discuss long term financial goals. When your savings rate doesn't line up with your agreed upon goals, then discuss cutting back spending. Avoid the who bought what argument as it is unproductive; money gone is money gone.
 

MX2

Lifer
Apr 11, 2004
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Yeah, because most guys dont waste money on unnecessary PC equipment;)
 

phisrow

Golden Member
Sep 6, 2004
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Presenting it as an information gathering thing, as you say, is probably the best way. It may or may not be a lost cause; but at least you'll have better luck if you have the data available.
 

xanis

Lifer
Sep 11, 2005
17,571
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LOL! Tell her she's wasting money without pissing her off? You're attempting the impossible.
 

Dissipate

Diamond Member
Jan 17, 2004
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Originally posted by: ironwing
You should be tracking all spending anyway. I would just start tracking w/o any discussion of excessive spending. Let the numbers do the talking. Also, discuss long term financial goals. When your savings rate doesn't line up with your agreed upon goals, then discuss cutting back spending. Avoid the who bought what argument as it is unproductive; money gone is money gone.

HuH? Money gone is money gone? That's ridiculous. Everyone should be accountable for their spending habits, especially to their spouses.
 

bctbct

Diamond Member
Dec 22, 2005
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I dont have any problem with the spending part, just hate to see her waste money on useless crap.

edited to add that she pulls in a very good salary so its not just my money.
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
72,376
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Originally posted by: Dissipate
Originally posted by: ironwing
You should be tracking all spending anyway. I would just start tracking w/o any discussion of excessive spending. Let the numbers do the talking. Also, discuss long term financial goals. When your savings rate doesn't line up with your agreed upon goals, then discuss cutting back spending. Avoid the who bought what argument as it is unproductive; money gone is money gone.

HuH? Money gone is money gone? That's ridiculous. Everyone should be accountable for their spending habits, especially to their spouses.

Other than starting an argument what point is there in discussing past purchases? The money won't come back. My point is that one should focus on to reining in future spending. Approaching it in a non-confrontational manner is much more likely to generate buy-in in the proposal to save money.
 

ultimatebob

Lifer
Jul 1, 2001
25,134
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Originally posted by: Juno
Originally posted by: Dissipate
Separate bank accounts FTW!

Yeah, most financial gurus recommend three bank accounts for married couples.... His account, her account, and the joint account. Each person puts in an equal percentage of their salary into the joint account, which is only used to pay bills. No $85 Pogo sticks or $2,000 Plasma TV purchases allowed!

The his and hers accounts are used for buying gifts, trips, and assorted stupid stuff that person wants. If they don't have the money in the account to buy it, tough luck because you'll not allowed to take money from another account or rack up credit card debt to pay for it.

It sounds like a great idea in theory, anyway, but then I'm single. :)
 

RKS

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
6,824
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I think OP's original idea about trying to track and find places to cut spending is a good idea. You could agree on a mutual financial goal that could curb unneccesary spending.

As far a seperate accounts, how would that stop the wife from spending? My wife and I share our main account then we both have small seperate spending accounts. Every major mutual purchase (from our joint account) over $100 is discussed.

BTW: My wife makes more than me (for a while) and controls the finances since I am not good with saving and paying bills. Eventually it comes down to trust in your spouse; that he/she will only do what is in the best interest of the family.
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
72,376
32,949
136
Also, another idea is to agree on a price limit above which you and your spouse would discuss purchases before buying. For example you might agree that for anything costing more than $100 you would discuss the purchase beforehand. This will cut down on expensive impulse buys.
 

Mermaidman

Diamond Member
Sep 4, 2003
7,987
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How is your own spending habit? My wife blows $ on frequent shopping, while I blow $$$$$ periodically :D
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
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Originally posted by: MX2times
Yeah, because most guys dont waste money on unnecessary PC equipment;)

You mean "invest in necessary PC upgrades", right?
 

AaronB

Golden Member
Dec 25, 2002
1,214
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Originally posted by: MX2times
Yeah, because most guys dont waste money on unnecessary PC equipment;)

Woman! Git your behind back in the kitchen!


Sheesh! Durned women nowadays is gettin all uppity thinkin they got rights and stuff.




(oh yeah, I better not forget to add this > ;))






 

DrPizza

Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
Mar 5, 2001
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www.slatebrookfarm.com
Originally posted by: ultimatebob
Originally posted by: Juno
Originally posted by: Dissipate
Separate bank accounts FTW!

Yeah, most financial gurus recommend three bank accounts for married couples.... His account, her account, and the joint account. Each person puts in an equal percentage of their salary into the joint account, which is only used to pay bills. No $85 Pogo sticks or $2,000 Plasma TV purchases allowed!

The his and hers accounts are used for buying gifts, trips, and assorted stupid stuff that person wants. If they don't have the money in the account to buy it, tough luck because you'll not allowed to take money from another account or rack up credit card debt to pay for it.

It sounds like a great idea in theory, anyway, but then I'm single. :)

I've never seen such advice; especially the part about equal percentages of their pay. That seems to imply that whichever spouse earns more money should be allowed to spend more money on what they want??! Whoever suggests that really doesn't seem to understand the concept of marriage. Once you're married, everything should be owned and shared equally. It's nice for each spouse to have their own discretionary spending money, but that amount really shouldn't be significant compared to their joint income.

edit: in your scenario: "Honey, I'm going to the Grand Caymans for the week. You keep saving your money and maybe next time, you can go with me."
 

redgtxdi

Diamond Member
Jun 23, 2004
5,464
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Originally posted by: DrPizza

I've never seen such advice; especially the part about equal percentages of their pay. That seems to imply that whichever spouse earns more money should be allowed to spend more money on what they want??! Whoever suggests that really doesn't seem to understand the concept of marriage. Once you're married, everything should be owned and shared equally. It's nice for each spouse to have their own discretionary spending money, but that amount really shouldn't be significant compared to their joint income.

Agreed!




I think (just imo) that you should address the issues directly!!!!


Break it down so that it's simple.............


#1.) What

#2.) How



(P.S. In case you didn't know already.......#1 is the easy part............#2 is the hard part, but the above formula = success in your endeavor)
 

Mermaidman

Diamond Member
Sep 4, 2003
7,987
93
91
Originally posted by: DrPizza
Originally posted by: ultimatebob
Originally posted by: Juno
Originally posted by: Dissipate
Separate bank accounts FTW!

Yeah, most financial gurus recommend three bank accounts for married couples.... His account, her account, and the joint account. Each person puts in an equal percentage of their salary into the joint account, which is only used to pay bills. No $85 Pogo sticks or $2,000 Plasma TV purchases allowed!

The his and hers accounts are used for buying gifts, trips, and assorted stupid stuff that person wants. If they don't have the money in the account to buy it, tough luck because you'll not allowed to take money from another account or rack up credit card debt to pay for it.

It sounds like a great idea in theory, anyway, but then I'm single. :)

I've never seen such advice; especially the part about equal percentages of their pay. That seems to imply that whichever spouse earns more money should be allowed to spend more money on what they want??! Whoever suggests that really doesn't seem to understand the concept of marriage. Once you're married, everything should be owned and shared equally. It's nice for each spouse to have their own discretionary spending money, but that amount really shouldn't be significant compared to their joint income.
I concur. Even if separate accounts are practical, I believe they have a negative emotional effect.
 

3NF

Golden Member
Feb 5, 2005
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I've tried, it's a loosing battle. It just lead to many heated arguments. Now I just don't say anything and just accept it. Less stress :)
 

DrPizza

Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
Mar 5, 2001
49,601
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www.slatebrookfarm.com
Here's a suggestion that will probably help: simply propose a level upon which either spouse should consult the other prior to making a purchase. That level would probably depend on the amount of income and how much discretionary spending is available after paying the bills. i.e. if my wife wants to purchase $50 worth of tulip bulbs so that she can use her $25 off $50 coupon, go for it. But, if she decides to spend $200 on flowers, then she asks me if I think it's all right to spend that much. Working together like that helps avoid impulsive purchases that are made more on emotion than common sense. A couple days before Christmas, I almost bought a 60GB PS3, *just* because I could. She denied the purchase. I'm glad she did. There have been other times where she didn't want to purchase something that she liked, but I encouraged her to "go for it" because I knew that while those items weren't necessary, she would be much happier with them (recently, a new coffeemaker and toaster to match our appliances in the kitchen), and they were a welcome improvement over what we already have.

edit: but I would not bring up the $85 shipping. Criticism of a spouse is never good, unless it's constructive. I don't know how re-visiting that could be constructive. How about this: "You know, I'll bet that if we trimmed corners here and there, we could save enough money to go to the Caribbean for our anniversary next year. Let's..."