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How to resolve the Rambus issue in less than 15 minutes. Inspired by ViRGE

Windogg

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
10,241
0
0
You are about to enter the courtroom on Judge Judith Shendlin. The people are real, the cases are real. This is Judge Judy

Announcer: And now the litigants for our next case?.

Bert: All rise. Will the parties for Rambus vs. Infineon step forward please.

Announcer: 10 year old Rambus Inc of Mountain View, California is suing 2 year old Infineon Technologies AG of San Jose, Calinfornia for ?a gajillion? dollars. Rambus is claiming that Infineon has violated patents related to computer memory. Infineon has denied this claim and has filed a countersuit claiming that Rambus is a racketeer that uses strong arm tactics to bully those around them.

[Judge Judy Enters]

Bert: Case number 63539 your honor. All parties have been sworn in you may be seated.

JJ: Thank you Bert. Alright Mr. Rambus, what is your complaint.

Rambus: Well you see your honor, the defendant has infringed upon our patents. We filed?..

Infineon: That is a uber lie!!!

JJ: QUIET!!! You?ll get your chance. Proceed Mr. Rambus.

Rambus: Thank you. You see, we make these neat discoveries and Infineon over theres, they copied us and stole our ideas you see. The JEDEC meetings we attended gathered evidence of the theft. We want to be compensated. I have witnesses your honor. Badabing Badaboom.

JJ: Who are you?

Intel: I am Intel your honor. I have worked with Mr. Rambus for many years.

JJ: Are you two in a relationship of equals?

Intel: Yes Ma?am, we are both independent entities that?..

JJ: Shhhhh?.. stop stop stop.. listen to me. Look on my forehead. Does have ?STUPID? written across it? Bert does it say ?STUPID? on my forehead?

Bert: No Judge it doesn?t

JJ: You sure?

Bert: As sure as the sun rises in the east your honor.

JJ: Good. I thought so [Turn toward Intel]. MR INTEL. Do NOT lie to me. Rambus makes NO products. I have read the complaint and almost all of this so called product and ends up in computers based on your chips or something called Playstation Two or whatever young hooligans call it. What will you add today that lends credence to Mr. Rambus? claim?

Intel: Uhhh? were really just a character witness to show that Mr. Rambus is an upstanding citizen of the semiconductor industry.

JJ: I?ve heard enough. SIT DOWN Mr. Intel. [Turn toward Rambus]. Alright, proceed.

Rambus: Well basically, you sees, that?s all I gots. They owe us for our patents. As proof, I present to you NEC, Hitachi, Samsung, and Toshiba. They have decided to pay us for use of our patents. Badabing Badaboom.

JJ: I do not see them? Are these witnesses a figment of your imagination?

Rambus: No your honors, you seem they could not make it here todays. Seems someone accidentally handcuffed them to a dump truck full of legal papers. They got buried and unfortunately could not make it today. But they told me that?.

JJ: I DON?T WANT TO HEAR IT!!! Listen? that is called hearsay and I am not allowed to consider what someone told you. [Take of glasses] Mr. Rambus, you clearly think I am idiot. Seems those people got into a ?accident? just like Saddam Hussein ?accidentally? wandered into Kuwait. Your story sounds fishy. If I find out you are lying, you will regret it. UNDERSTAND?

Rambus: Uhhh?. Yes your honors. Badabing Bataboom.

JJ: GOOD!!! [Turns toward Infineon] Your turn proceed Mr. Infineon.

Infineon: Thank you your honor. Infineon, well we were still in Siemans? womb back then, is part of JEDEC and at the time so was Rambus. In meetings that include their witnesses and ours, there was discussion on standards for Synchronous Dynamic Random Access Memory or SDRAM. This memory is an industry standard and Rambus attended these meetings to make adjustments to their patents. They violated agreements not to patents ideas and concepts discussed. Not only that but they have bullied and threatened those in the community. They also stake a claim on an emerging standard known as Double Data Rate for Synchronous Dynamic Random Access Memory or DDR SDRAM.

Rambus: HE IS LYING!!!

JJ: Be quiet, you had your turn. [Turn toward Infineon] What else?

Infineon: It seems Rambus feels that DDR is a threat to their proprietary technology. My witnesses are here to testify that Rambus has been attempted to hinder the manufacturing of DDR.

JJ: What witness do you have Mr. Infineon?

Infineon: My witnesses will testify that they have been bullied by Rambus. I have brought Micron of Boise, Idaho.

Micron: Howdy Ya?ll

Infineon: And I have Hyundai of South Korea.

Hyundai: I velly preased to make you plesence felt.

JJ: Mr. Micron, please tell me about what happened.

Micron: Well ya honor. We?re just good old country folk minding our own business when that yahoo [point to Rambus] busts in one day and demands money. Well we was plum shocked cuz we didn?t know what was happenin?. Then they brought out all this nonsense ?bout patents and stuff discussed in JEDEC meeting and such. We thought they was loco weed until some man in a fancy $99 suit comes by and says it would be a shame is all our nice fab equipment ?fell down a flight of stairs? and ended up broke. In these parts, thems fightin? words.

JJ: Ok. I heard enough. Mr. Hyundai, please step up.

Hyundai: I most honored to be in your court. One day most dishonorable man show up in big brack color 1978 Cadillac De Ville and take up 6 parking space in parking lot. We put down flied lice to see what happening. The big greasy men show up asking for lots of won. They make crazy claim that we violate patent. Other companies say same thing happen. They give up, we ccontinue to fight.

JJ: Anything else?

Hyundai: Yes, we consider take legal action because they say we make crappy, substandard cars made from junk parts.

JJ: Suing for slander?

Hyundai: No, we sue for giving away company secrets.

JJ: If that is all sitdown. [Turn toward Rambus] Mr. Rambus, these are some serious claims made here. What do you have to say about yourself?

Rambus: Hey, we don?t want to whack anyones. All we want is what is rightfully ours. I means, if a man takes the time and effort to steal car, does he not have the right to enjoy it? Badabing Badaboom.

JJ: NO MR. RAMBUS HE DOES NOT. YOU ARE TRULY A MORON OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE. Let me level with you sir. You are BULLY and a facetious litigator. Do you know what it means?

Rambus: It means I?m good with chicks right? Badabing Badaboom.

JJ: NO SIR IT DOES NOT. [Turn toward Bert] He?s a 5W bulb in a 100W world huh?

Bert: He?s two pennies short of a dime your honor.

JJ: Thought so. [Turns toward Rambus] MR. RAMBUS. Pay attention now. Facetious litigator means you like to file lawsuits, many of them without merit. You seem to get some sick thrill out of suing people. You?

Rambus: Heyyy?. I resents that. Badabing Badaboom

JJ: QUIET!!! You are not receiving. When you try to talk over me. YOU WILL LOSE. You have yet to prove that you acquired these patents as you claim. I feel you are a thief and a liar. You bully people for your own personal gain. Your claim of a ?gajillion? dollars in damages is ridiculous. I do however find you at fault for rackeering and coercion. I award Infineon $3.5 million in punitive and compensatory damages. That is all.

Bert: Parties are excused you may step down.

[Post judgement interview]

Rambus: I thought the Judge was totally un fairs. It?s obvious that dem goombahs stole what was ours. We plans to continue our fight. Hey Micron, I GOT YOUS RIGHT HERE!!! Badabing Badaboom.

Infineon: I feel Judge Judy did the right thing. Rambus is clearly a bully this trying to strong arm the industry away from an open standard to their proprietary brand of memory. Their idea were taken from meeting between JEDEC members and patents adjusted despite agreements not to do so.
 

joinT

Lifer
Jan 19, 2001
11,172
0
0
LMAO, that must've taken a while.

best (& only) episode of JJ I've ever viewed ;) :D-~
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
20,999
109
106
LOL! Good one, Windogg! That made for great lunchtime reading.
 

Train

Lifer
Jun 22, 2000
13,784
43
91
www.bing.com
thats pretty much what the article on Yahoo that i read sounded like, Rambus's arguments were based on nothing, what a bunch of idiots
 

PliotronX

Diamond Member
Oct 17, 1999
8,883
107
106


<< Hyundai: Yes, we consider take legal action because they say we make crappy, substandard cars made from junk parts.

JJ: Suing for slander?

Hyundai: No, we sue for giving away company secrets.
>>


hahahaha

Nice work *kicks Rambus*
 

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