How to plan a wedding?

[Grasshopper27]

Just got off the phone with Thumper's Mom awhile ago (she called me), she said she was happy for us and wished us a happy marriage and future together, told me to treat her daughter right, and that I was now welcome to treat her like family and that I should call her any time I needed anything. She also invited me up for Christmas and suggested we would talk wedding plans then.

I've got this funny feeling that both Thumper and her Mom consider us already engaged officially, ring or no ring...

She gets back tomorrow from her Thanksgiving visit to her folks (I'm picking her up at the airport), I'm sure we'll talk about that some more. Maybe I need to go ahead and "officially" ask sooner than planned.

Women are so strange, aren't they?

Anyway, I'm just now figuring out that I don't know the first thing about how a wedding actually works. Are there any good on-line guides or books I can read on the subject? What are my responsibilities and duties? Should we plan it together, or is this more a female thing? How much should our parents be involved? (they will be paying for it, so I guess they will be)

Any advice on this subject would be really helpful, as I know next to nothing about how weddings actually work, other than what I see in the movies!

Grasshopper

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Rule 1
It is yours and hers wedding. That means offend the relatives as little as possible, but plan it so your day is a fun one.

Rule 2

See rule 1

 

[fatbaby]

find a church/park/scenic place (such as a coastal cliff)...preferably her/your place of worship...

decide on place where to hold banquet

get marriage license

hire photographer/caterer

rent tux/dress

decide on how you will design invitations (you can get pretty creative here)

put your brother as the best man, your/her younger sis as the flower girl, and her sister as the maid of honor

and thats basically it...

 

[jemcam]

No matter what you look up or research, it's her day. So let her do it. Women wait their entire lives for that day. It's the brides day and not the grooms day. Your job is to do a lot of agreeing with her about the plans. That's it, except for showing up on time.

 

[weezergirl]

i wouldn't worry too much about your end. usually the girl and her family will plan it all. they will ask for your input of course.

btw, does anybody know if usually the bridesmaid buys her own dress? or does the family pay for that? i've been getting mixed reviews on how it's usually done.

 

[AreaCode707]

Typically the bridesmaid would pay for her own dress, unless the family is being ultra generous or expect her to by something unusually expensive for the role.

Buy yourself a wedding guide, it'll help immensely. And don't do anything stupid at the bachelor party.

 

[jemcam]

Traditionally, the brides father pays for it.

Glad I've got a son and not a daughter.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: jemcam
No matter what you look up or research, it's her day. So let her do it. Women wait their entire lives for that day. It's the brides day and not the grooms day. Your job is to do a lot of agreeing with her about the plans. That's it, except for showing up on time.

Sigh... it seems like you're right... doing some reading on various web sites (Google is very good) and it seems like that is the long and short of it...

From what I've read, it sounds like Thumper has been planning her wedding day since she was about 5 years old. I'm just now thinking about it...

That probaly says something imporant.

Grasshopper

 

[m2kewl]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26
That probaly says something imporant.

Grasshopper

yeah - don't fvck it up

or you get worse then negative grasshopper points

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: m2kewl

yeah - don't fvck it up

or you get worse then negative grasshopper points

Hehehe...

True enough, Thumper has the master key to the Grasshopper points vault.

 

[GoodToGo]

This is a good place to start

 

[dirtboy]

Umm...dude, you made a big deal out of the fact that you and your gf are engaged and now you are saying that you're not "officially" engaged. A couple does not need a ring to be officially anything...I hope you're sure about this because you either are, or are not getting married. The sooner you figure that out, the better!

 

[Jfur]

Originally posted by: Hayabusarider
Rule 1
It is yours and hers wedding. That means offend the relatives as little as possible, but plan it so your day is a fun one.

Rule 2

See rule 1

Amen! And some women are very picky about these things, so be sure to let her take the lead (IF she wants it that way) and offer support and enthusiasm

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: jemcam
No matter what you look up or research, it's her day. So let her do it. Women wait their entire lives for that day. It's the brides day and not the grooms day. Your job is to do a lot of agreeing with her about the plans. That's it, except for showing up on time.

This is about the most foolproof way to get through it. Believe the man....

 

[HappyPuppy]

Grasshopper, it sounds as if you have been caught up in an emotional maelstrom. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but are you doing what you want to do? Are you ready?

Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commttment. When you marry Thumper you will also be taking on her family. How do you get along with them? Are your future in-laws pushy and overbearing? If you or they are, heaven forbid, religious, what are your religions and are they compatible.

If you aren't sure, or feel that things are moving too fast for you, you might be wise to slow everything down. It sounds like people are making assumptions and trying to guide your life for you.

Like I said, I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just trying to help.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: HappyPuppy
Grasshopper, it sounds as if you have been caught up in an emotional maelstrom. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but are you doing what you want to do? Are you ready?

Who, me? Yea, maybe I'm just a bit caught up in all this...

Sigh... Am I ready? No, that is why I got all freaked out when she first asked me...

Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commttment.

I agree with that plan...

When you marry Thumper you will also be taking on her family. How do you get along with them? Are your future in-laws pushy and overbearing? If you or they are, heaven forbid, religious, what are your religions and are they compatible.

I wouldn't reject Thumper, even if I didn't much like her family.

I've only met her Mom once, and that was this past summer. I met her older brother about two months ago, he seemed nice enough...

Neither of us is very religious, we both believe there may be a higher power, neither of us are sure what that might be. We were both raised in very traditional Christian homes, but haven't followed that path since. Both our Moms still preach "God" to us however.

So long as it isn't rammed down my throat, I don't mind...

If you aren't sure, or feel that things are moving too fast for you, you might be wise to slow everything down. It sounds like people are making assumptions and trying to guide your life for you.

Well, I did plan to ask her to move in with me next April. I would have prefered that we live together for a year before I asked her to marry me. Maybe we can have a two year engagement? We'll have time to talk about that, I'm sure...

Like I said, I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just trying to help.

No problem, help is always welcome... as I've said in the past, my close friends are also her close friends, so I don't have anyone I trust enough to talk to about this stuff that I can be assured won't tell her.

That is probably why I've told you guys so much, cause I know it won't get back to her, and I can pick and choose the advice I want to take without hurting anyone's feelings.

Grasshopper

 

[tm37]

Originally posted by: jemcam
No matter what you look up or research, it's her day. So let her do it. Women wait their entire lives for that day. It's the brides day and not the grooms day. Your job is to do a lot of agreeing with her about the plans. That's it, except for showing up on time.

hangovers are bad here. I know from experence.:Q

Let her plan it offer any advice WHEN SHE ASKS ONLY it is her day.

Remember this day is special you will more than likely only have two or three these your entire life.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: tm37

Remember this day is special you will more than likely only have two or three these your entire life.

????????

I hope that is because we'd be renewing our wedding vows at 25 and 50 years of marriage respectivly...

I don't plan to do this with anyone else...

Grasshopper