How to nicely tell your inlaws to butt out

[Glavinsolo]

Do you have nosy inlaws (brother,sister,mother, father in laws) that think its either their way or nothing? It has been escalating since I got engaged. It was a much simpler time when we were just dating. Now her Sister won't shut up about how we are going to raise our kids. Her parents don't want us to leave the state. My fiancee is on my side and we are gearing up soon to tell them we don't need any advice. (Background: My fiancee has worked with infants and toddlers since she was 16. We don't like the current state (FL) we are in and are going to move up the east coast. I have a job ready and have visited the area and as soon as we get married we are moving.)

The parents are the nicest people you could as for. The sister on the other hand is sadly a feminist. She doesn't like the fact that my fiancee wants to be a housewife/mother/ and the person who takes care of our financial arrangements. The sister is Steven Seagal trapped into a woman's body. She is hetero but only dates guys who she dominates and throws away.

Cliffs:
Sister of fiancee wants to tell us how to raise our kids.
Parents of fiancee want us to stay within the state.
We want to end the conversations about the above.

 

[Linflas]

Your fiancee really should be the one to address this.

 

[fbrdphreak]

Tell the sister to BTFO (But The Fvck Out) and the parents will make their case, but they'll probly back down eventually.

You could also find some dude to dominate the sister and take care of her problem.

 

[Chryso]

FIRST, how old are you?

 

[Glavinsolo]

My parents aren't saints either when it comes to our future but from my point of view they are much more subtle. Yeah her sister is mega ultra feminazi.

 

[BooGiMaN]

have you perhaps tried the vanilla version:

hey so and so please butt out!

or the more ghetto version:

yo biiiiiatch butt the fvck out!

 

[Glavinsolo]

Originally posted by: Chryso
FIRST, how old are you?

23, fiancee is 26

 

[jhayx7]

Originally posted by: Glavinsolo

Originally posted by: Chryso
FIRST, how old are you?

23, fiancee is 26

PICS!

 

[ahurtt]

Just ignore them?

I know kinda how you feel though. My wife and I just had our first child 3 weeks ago. We've been married almost 3 years now. Her parents came over from Taiwan (their native country) for a visit and to see their grandchild and we were having a nice family dinner together one Sunday night at my parent's house. My wife had to leave the table to go upstairs and see to / feed the baby because she was crying. After a few minutes I got up too so I could go up and check on her. When I came back down, I don't know who brought it up or how they had gotten on the subject but they were talking about whether we should have our child christened in a Catholic church (my wifes family religion) or an Episcopal church (my family religion). Now I'm about as religious as a stump. I'm Episcopalian only because that's the label my parents decided to give me as a child when I had no choice. I really don't go to church and I don't care for organized religion for the most part at all. Yet here they are deciding totally without me or my wife present about whether OUR child should be christened in a Catholic or an Episcopal church. And when I got back to the table, they just continued the conversation as if I wasn't there. As if it were written in stone that this baby would be christened one way or the other come hell or high water regardless of what I or my wife thought. My initial gut reaction was one of disgust and anger. But when they finally asked me if my wife and I had talked about it I just said, "Nope. Can you pass the butter, please?" And went about eating my corn. They pressed a little further but I just made replies like, "mmmmm this corn is good." or "Can I have a roll, please?" I think they quickly got the point. But inside, I was quite furious.

 

[Accipiter22]

just state the facts clearly, explain that it's your lives to live, and that they need to let their daughter/sister find her own path, she's old enough, and if they raised her right, there's no reason to worry, as she has all she needs to succeed.

thumps up to presenting a united front!

 

[imported_weadjust]

Say I appreciate the advice and I will give it some thought.

End of Conversation. Then do whatever you want.

My in-laws live 500 miles away so I have no problems.

 

[Glavinsolo]

Originally posted by: ahurtt
Just ignore them?

I know kinda how you feel though. My wife and I just had our first child 3 weeks ago. We've been married almost 3 years now. Her parents came over from Taiwan (their native country) for a visit and to see their grandchild and we were having a nice family dinner together one Sunday night at my parent's house. My wife had to leave the table to go upstairs and see to / feed the baby because she was crying. After a few minutes I got up too so I could go up and check on her. When I came back down, I don't know who brought it up or how they had gotten on the subject but they were talking about whether we should have our child christened in a Catholic church (my wifes family religion) or an Episcopal church (my family religion). Now I'm about as religious as a stump. I'm Episcopalian only because that's the label my parents decided to give me as a child when I had no choice. I really don't go to church and I don't care for organized religion for the most part at all. Yet here they are deciding totally without me or my wife present about whether OUR child should be christened in a Catholic or an Episcopal church. And when I got back to the table, they just continued the conversation as if I wasn't there. As if it were written in stone that this baby would be christened one way or the other come hell or high water regardless of what I or my wife thought. My initial gut reaction was one of disgust and anger. But when they finally asked me if my wife and I had talked about it I just said, "Nope. Can you pass the butter, please?" And went about eating my corn. They pressed a little further but I just made replies like, "mmmmm this corn is good." or "Can I have a roll, please?" I think they quickly got the point. But inside, I was quite furious.

Yep, The ignoring factor is what we have been doing. I am going to continue this strategy. If they want to see us they can drive 7 hours north or move there themselves. Florida is going to soon be uninhabitable because all of the home insurance companies are going bye bye.

 

[ArJuN]

Go watch some Everybody Loves Raymond. Write them a letter

 

[LegendKiller]

I have gone through this in the past 6 months. We got married in early december and my wife was diagnosed with potential thyroid cancer in January. I had gone to the appointments, discussed everything...etc.

THen her parents started weighing in on where she should go, what doctors she should see, and how we should handle her working (or not). They volunteered my vacation time, money, and sanity to going to the "best" doctor in NYC (memorial sloan kettering), despite all doctors acknowledging that any good surgeon could perform the operation and diagnose the illness.

They wouldn't take no for an answer. Compounding the issue is that NYC is a 4 hour drive, or plane ride, or train ride from DC. That and my insurance doesn't cover it in-network. Estimated costs for us are 10,000.

They also said she should not work until she is better, at least 2 months. This means that she will have been out of work for a total of 5 months, while I work 10 hours...etc.

Now, mind you, I will do what is best to make sure my wife is OK. However, that doesn't mean I am going to swallow their ideas of what should happen. I said as much to her brother, who then threatened to beat me up next time he saw me (he's about 6'6", I am 6'2" and not scared) and also said I wasn't man (bfd).

Her parents have a history of this. I disagreed with her father on how to buy a house 3 years ago (we were engaged). He said it was his way, or he would tell her not to buy. He got so pissed he swore and yelled at me in a restaurant. I did nothing back, since he made a fool out of himself.


Now they respect my judgement, after seeing how I have handled the cancer event. They have backed off, despite her mom being pissy every time I don't do everything the way she would, and they know that our life isn't their life.

It takes time, but your fiance/wife needs to tell her family to back off.

 

[waggy]

at first i didnt say anything aobut it. i just talked to my wife and hoped she would. when that was doing NOTHING i finally started saying stuff. sometimes it does take me being rude but they are getting to understand.

i try my best to be polite but sometimes that just does not work.

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: waggy
at first i didnt say anything aobut it. i just talked to my wife and hoped she would. when that was doing NOTHING i finally started saying stuff. sometimes it does take me being rude but they are getting to understand.

i try my best to be polite but sometimes that just does not work.

im fortunate, ive never even *met* my in-laws.

suckers

 

[Kanalua]

The sister is Steven Seagal trapped into a woman's body

Beautiful.

I moved my wife to my home...Hawai`i.

Kinda hard for my useless in-laws to butt in, now!

It's been the happiest times of our marriage since we moved.